Update to "New Here..."
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| Tue, 08-05-2003 - 7:34pm |
But to answer some of the questions asked...yes, I do want a successful marriage, and yes I do love my H and I care about him deeply. But I married him because I knew we could have a nice life together, because we are able to get along pretty well, and honestly, because of convenience and a sense of obligation, not only to him, but our children and our families as well (after 4+ yrs together). But I also knew that I didn't feel that deep emotional connection with him that I felt with exH. I didn't marry him because I felt like I couldn't live my life without him or because I felt like we were meant to be together. I know that's sad, but honestly, I really believed that the way I felt with exH was a "once-in-a-lifetime" thing, and that this relationship with H was as good as I was going to have.
I know it sounds like I went from one M to another, and maybe in some people's eyes I did...but there were several years in between each M, if that counts at all! (lol) I was a single mom to 3 children for a lot of years in between, and it was hard (not an excuse for anything, just a statement). I did jump into the R with H pretty quickly, and I knew it was a rebound thing, but that's why we took things so slowly and didn't get M right away.
As far as what I'm looking for in terms of a R with exH -- I guess it would be that "connection" with him, to be able to feel like that again, to experience that bond with the one person I could be totally and completely open with, honest with, and "no-holds-barred" with. To have him look into my eyes and feel like he can see to the depths of my soul. To feel like when we make love, it's the way it was intended to be.
As far as who's pursuing who -- it's been pretty mutual. During the years after our divorce, we would seek each other out during the most difficult times of our lives (ie; a miscarriage I had and the death of a very close friend of his), and periodically find reasons to have to contact one another just to see how the other one was doing and if they were happy. Of course, pride made us tell each other that we were VERY happy, and though it would sting to hear it, we were glad for each other. I only wanted the best for him and he only wanted the best for me. We didn't let the conversations go to a deeper level, and because we both thought the other one was happy, we didn't pursue anything. Since the amount of contact has increased so much over the last several months, we've had much more serious conversations and both believe that we are soul mates, that we will never love anyone the way we love each other, and both regret that we didn't attempt to reconnect sooner. Now there are so many other people involved and neither of us wants to hurt anyone by just throwing caution to the wind and deciding to start a new life together. My children are very important to me, and I know that a 3rd divorce would be devastating to them. Neither of us is ready to make such a drastic move right now, and aren't ready to discuss any kind of "future". We just honestly feel the best we've ever felt when we are together -- intimacy or not.
I know that my feelings don't strongarm me into action, but from the bottom of my heart I don't think I ever would have gotten over him or what we had together. I believe in "true love", and I believe that that's what we have....

EMA's are hard to deal with I hope you know what you're getting yourself into! It's not easy...... although it can be very rewarding.
hugsssssss
I know EMA's are hard -- I've found it amazing to read thru the posts on this board and see what a lot of you go through...