I'm having fantasies about a co-worker
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| Tue, 08-05-2003 - 8:24pm |
I'm married and have 2 children. Although my marriage isn't perfect, it certainly isn't miserable. My husband travels extensively for work, and I am alone with my children during the week, and he returns on the weekends. Although my husband and I get along for the most part, we do have our arguments. I don't think it is out of the ordinary, and they're what I would consider normal. It can be difficult when my husband travels as much as he does, because all of the responsiblity for the house and kids fall on me. Sometime when my husband travels internationally, he'll be away for 2 weeks at a time. No matter what the realties of my life and my responsibilites are, I love my husband and adore my children. I would never do anything to hurt anyone.
I started the job I'm in about 5 months ago. A coworker that works in another building has caught my eye. Literally from day one. I was introduced to him in a meeting on a project. He's my age (from what I can tell) and is single. I don't normally work with him on a daily basis, but when I do have to call him or need to get him involved on a problem at work, my heart just leaps when I see him. I can't help but look at him directly into his eyes when we talk about a project. Somtimes, I get flustered. He gets flustered. Lately though, I've stopped looking into his eyes. Even though our topic of discussion is purely professional, I don't want to appear silly or anything. The last thing I want to do is to have someone else notice and make an ass out of myself.
Once when he was evaluating something, I needed to also look at this report, and as I tried to take the report from him, his hand stayed on my hand longer than necessary. Maybe it was my imagination. Maybe it wasn't.
I've made a consciencous effort to only see or talk to him when necessary. And even then, I keep it as plain and professional as possible. I have made a point of putting up additional pictures of my family (including my husband) in my cube to remind me of what I have.
Yet still, I see him, and I can't help but fantasize about him. Intense sexual fanatsies. I can imagine kissing him in such a way that would take his breath away. When I have sex with my husband, he's the one I'm imagining having sex with, and the intensity is overwhelming. When he stops by to see me on some project, he'll try to drag out the conversation, and I'll try to cut it short. Yet when he does leave, I wish he would have stayed longer.
I don't know how to handle this. I don't want to make my interactions with him any different than any other co-worker. (I don't want to make it such that I'm being obvious on my trying to act differently around him.)
Since I just started this job, I can't ask to be re-assigned to other projects. I'm still farily new and want to make a good impression at my job.
I have kept this bottled up inside and have not discussed this with anyone. I'm just glad that boards like this help keep things anonymous. Thanks for "listening".

I personally think that the feelings you are experiencing are quite normal... we all have little fantasies over time... it's whether we are prepared to act on them or not. Which I'm feeling that you don't want to... which is good really.
What you say about your marriage it isn't bad... but you're lonely and frustrated with being left for periods on your own. Is it possible to get out more... maybe do something for yourself at times... trust me... even though my DH doesn't travel... I know how hard it is to get out of the house with children. But it may help to be doing something for yourself that you would enjoy.
So far... I think that you are handling the situation very well... and it really is no harm in fantasising about someone even while having sex with your H... it puts a spark into things.
Feel free to post whenever you feel the need.
luv and hugs
Sweet
Sweet
Co-Community Leader My