What now???

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2003
What now???
3
Wed, 08-06-2003 - 1:56am
Well, after 4 months of this EMA, we have now admitted to each other that we are falling in love. Background - I am married 25 yrs. to my H whom I married at 17. Before my EMA started - in fact for past yr I have been thinking about leaving (long story). MM is in a marriage that he doesn't want to end due to kids, of course! But he's not as unhappy in his M as I am in mine although there are issues in his that he has problems with. We started as friends (we work together) but became much more to each other physically and emotionally. Now that the feelings have gotten so deep, I am a little frightened! The thought of possibly breaking up families sounds awful but I can't help thinking about being with him forever. We have not discussed leaving anyone yet. I know he is having a harder time with this because he has two girls he doesn't want to disappoint or leave. My sons are 21 and 23 so I am not too worried about them. Is anyone else in this situation? How do you deal with it all once you realize you are in love with each other??

TA

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2003
In reply to: tlalex
Wed, 08-06-2003 - 2:24am
HI tlalex

When MM and I realized we had fallen in love with each other, we both planned to be together.. leave our spouses and live our lives together, but now 18 months later, he can't leave his house.. his kids.. My M is worse then his, he's been m for 23 years and has 2 young sons who he will never leave, I thought he would for a really long time since that's all he used to talk about but when push came to shove he wouldn't leave. Just because you 2 love each other doesn't mean you have to leave your spouse and it certainly doesn't mean he'll leave his W. I'm just saying don't get your hopes up and you have to decide if this is something you're willing to deal with, are u willing to stay in an EMA with him if he stays with his W? I think my MM's marriage is just as bad as mine, but since he's been with her for so long he's used to it, and he knows how to deal with it better, to me.. i'm young and I'm not going to deal with H's junk for much longer, I don't want to look back and wonder why I wasted so much time with H.

I hope you get what you want.. I hope it all works out for you.. I have decided to appreciate what this EMA is and for what it's worth.. and I've stopped expecting him to leave.

hugs

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2003
In reply to: tlalex
Wed, 08-06-2003 - 7:57pm
Thanks, lexylew for your thoughts. Six months ago I would have told anyone that I would never have an EMA but here I am. You are right that if you're not happy in your marriage now you shouldn't stick around. I did for way too long and now it's even harder to try to get out of it. It's a long story why I'm so unhappy now, but my husband thinks I'm crazy and everything is fine. This was all going on way before my EMA but, of course, now that I am falling in love with someone else, it makes everything that much harder. Not to mention the fact that he happens to be married too!

I will take your words into consideration. I know he may never leave his W and I don't even know how I would honestly feel if he did, at least at this point. I know this is probably not good for me but the when we are together I feel so happy. It's the rest of the time that sucks!! For now I will just try to enjoy what I have with him while I try to figure out the rest of my life. Thanks again!

TA

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2003
In reply to: tlalex
Wed, 08-06-2003 - 10:32pm
Just because you are in love does not mean that you have to break up your families to be together. You ARE together. Just not in a conventional sense. Just enjoy the love. And don't make it the diving board to a hellish divorce.