Damage Control????

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2003
Damage Control????
7
Wed, 08-06-2003 - 8:33am
OK - here is the situation. MM and I have been having an EMA for about 3 1/2 months now. We did get into a BAD habit of sneaking around some at work (not during normal business hours) and even had a few little "meetings" if you know what I mean. We know for a fact that no one has seen us, BUT we have this SUPER nosey co-worker who likes to stir crap. Anyway, she has started the rumor that MM and I are having an EMA and that she has SEEN us making out in the parking lot and the lobby! Ok - FLAT OUT LIE about seeing us stuff.. I mean we have NEVER done anything in those places where we coul possibly run a chance of someone seeing. SO, now, how do I do damage control to make sure that this rumor doesn't go any farther? And run the risk of this rumor getting too close to home!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2003
Wed, 08-06-2003 - 9:35am
First of all, if you ARE kissing in public, then she COULD have seen you, even if you didn't see her seeing you.

OK, now onto the problem: ignore it. Just ignore it. Rumors die down eventually.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2003
Wed, 08-06-2003 - 9:41am
There's not one thing you can do. Once rumors start flying they take on a life of their own. If I were you I would plan on a lot of suspicious looks and people suddenly stopping their conversations when you come into the room. Once rumors start people will always believe the most juciest things they hear no matter how much you deny it. Also, if anyone you work with knows your husband you can be sure it will get back to him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 08-06-2003 - 10:46am
Rumors do take on a life of their own and it's likely to spread like wildfire...the way I would handle it is to down-play it when I'm at the office. I wouldnt exhaust myself trying to justify anything or make a point to publicly state that it's a lie...I would just let it go, blow it off and ignore it...if it were me I'd likely make a point to tell DH about it before he hears the rumor himself and laugh it off with him...reason being is that if rumors are flying everywhere in your office and DH catches wind of them and you never mentioned it to him it looks suspicious...but that's just how I'd handle it...but then again my DH would totally find it hilarious that such a ridiculous rumor was brewing, he'd find nothing but humor in it...

Liberal

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2003
Wed, 08-06-2003 - 11:04am


I have been in your position before. MM and I never did anything where people could actually see us or get caught. The women I worked with were so out to get me and him that they actually went so far as to send letters of "concern" to my husband, his wife, his in-laws, and his parents. Did I mention they were out to get us?? lol

Luckily, we had already talked to our spouses about how our coworkers thought something was up with us so when the letters did arrive; they were pissed--but not at us. In fact, we all got together with our spouses and were trying to figure out how to find out who in fact wrote the letters (they were anonymous.) That was a weird situation I tell ya. Because in the back of our heads we were like "WHAT IF... what if they have pictures and those are going to be mailed next." We decided to keep the letters secret at work and not let on that they were ever sent. We also had our spouses come into the office and let everyone know that we were all friends.

So long story short, I agree with the other poster to make sure you talk to your DH about it so that IF something ever gets back to him you will not have that shocked factor. It really helped us out.

HTH

Avatar for elizajane_1850
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-06-2003 - 12:48pm
I agree with everyone.

Tell you DH about it.

I too have stuff going around about OM & I.

Don't change anything you do with OM because people will be watching.

Long story short OM Kissed me in public and someone I work with her daughter saw it. Now she is running her mouth aboutit. Explain it all away, I gaven him a ride to his house he was going out of town he kissed me good-bye. Nothing more nothing less. She told a friend of mine he told me the very next day. The very next day we worked together in front of her I made a point of bring up the fact that he was out of town and how much I missed my friend. As soon as he got back, he came by my work to see me, she wasn't there. But I made sure that she knew. I know I'm running on and on.

What I am trying to say is if you stop talking to him, going to lunch with him or whatever people will talk and coment on it. Just play it off with hey did you know Joe & I are having a love affair.

EJ

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2003
Wed, 08-06-2003 - 1:31pm
Well, here is the follow-up....

I know for a fact that the lady I thought was talking, actually was. I knew it would bite her in the tail and the truth about her would come out. SOOOO, that is good to know. Anyway, she has really been screwing up around here.. sticking her nose where it doesn't belong. So, she got busted on some stuff today (fortunately it was not related to me, but strictly work and confidentiality related). Our Manager had a stern talk with her about gossip, betraying confidential information, etc. So, I am hoping that she will also take that to heart about MM and me. I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt that no one has seen ANYTHING - thank goodness! From what she has been telling everyone, she was ASSUMING that we were having an EMA because she watched the phones first thing in the morning and noticed that our lights were lit up a lot of the times at the same times. Then, she is just stirring crap by telling people that she saw us doing things.. that we never did.

I told DH about her and how she was reprimanded. I also told him that I thought that she felt as though I was the one who was reporting her breach of confidentiality and that I thought she was going to come at me with a vengence. Soooo, that lead to me telling DH about the rumors and what blatant lies they were and that she was spreading them to get back at me. So, I think I am okay now. Thank goodness! But MM and I are laying VERY low or a while... just in case. We agreed to still talk (on cell phones only) but no physical contact or meetings for a while. I think that will be best.

Thank you all for your advice and help - I really appreciate it. AND , if youa ll have any other tips - PLEASE feel free to add!

Avatar for elizajane_1850
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-06-2003 - 3:16pm
She got in trouble for gossip!! That is great!!

Now she will be afraid to talk (maybe) I would make sure everyone knew that she got in trouble for talking about people. That away no one will pay much attintion to her if she does say something about you and OM.

Joe & I talk almost everyday and we e-mail and IM. I go down to his office and "fool around" with him. Not the smartest thing we do. But we are willing to live with the risk somtimes.

I think one of the biggest mistakes people make is - somebody goes out and say something and they cut all contact with that person. So then everyone is wondering what happened. We do what is normal for us we go to meetings together, lunch, parties, sit on committees, there is always a reason why i'm talking to him. So no one really questions us being together, unless someone else brings something up.

EJ