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| Wed, 08-06-2003 - 2:01pm |
Anyways, here is my story. Grab the popcorn and a beer cause its a jerry springer episode. I know I will end up rambling and there will be many gaps but I'll do my best.
I have been married happily for 4 years, together for 10. About a year ago I lost alot of weight and started going out with some friends. I was getting attention that I never had before from men and found it so exciting.
I started an EMA a year ago with a co worker. He is also married and has children. I really thought it would be a fluke type of thing and we would just be FWB; but he quickly became attached and then so did I. I fell in love. Let the roller coaster ride begin.
Shortly after the A began, I became pregnant. I had no idea who the father was. I was intimate with DH as much as I was with OM so I had no way of telling. OM was very supportive and we decided to keep quiet until baby was born and paternity could be established. We continued our A the entire pregnancy; in fact, OM was more caring and supportive of me the entire time. I was a nervous wreck the entire pregnancy. I was sure that Karma was teaching me a lesson for straying and that my entire family would hate me, DH's family would hate me when it all came out etc.
DD is here now and we are sending off for the paternity test. OM and I both do not feel that this DD is his, but we need to know for sure. What we are going to do if DD turns out to be his is still up in the air. I'm back and forth on that issue all of time. I think at this point that DH would not leave me or make me leave and I say that because (here is the jerry springer part) After I became pregnant I was very scared of what DH would do if this was not his child. I was sure I would be kicked out of the house and I knew there was the possibility that OM would not leave and even if OM did leave I didnt know if I really wanted him to. But I am getting sidetracked. AFter I became pregnant I started telling DH how much I wanted him to be with another women. I basically gave him permission to have sex with someone else. He did. He told me all about it and I didnt have a problem with it. I think that it made me feel like "ok he has done it now, so i wont get into too much trouble if I just say I had a one time thing with my OM and oops I got pregnant."
Last night DH and I were talking about things and he basically decided to come clean about all the times he had been with other women. I cant believe I was not extremly hurt; I actually felt this huge wave of relief wash over me because I really think it will make it easier on me if the baby is in fact OM's. There will be an issue if it is OM's because DH and I are moving from the state in 2 months and OM has stated he doesnt know if he could be a "silent father". But that is something that will have to be addressed after the results are in.
I guess it doesnt make sense why DH and I are still together if we are both out having our cake and eating it also. But the only thing I can say is that it works. I am happy with my life and the way I live. Sure I have had fantasies about running off with OM but in the long run, I dont think we would work out. We would be possessive of each other and never trust each other. Those are already issues in our R. OM and I just saw each other for the first time in about a month yesterday and it was very strange. It was like we were starting all over again and didnt know how to act around each other. He kept saying it would be like riding a bike and that we would go right back to where we were, but it wasnt. I honestly feel like things are slowing down with OM and that is good as I have a baby to take care of now and she needs my time and attention.
I dont really have any questions I just finally needed to post this and get it all out of my head so it would quit rambling around in there.
Thank you to everyone who made it through the entire post.

Now that was an interesting lunchtime read... I wolfed down a cappuccino chocolate chip muffin while reading your post.
It seems to me that if you and H are communicating and basically happy, you're far ahead of many married couples! And if DD turns out to be OMs... would he need to be silent father? I wonder if your H's perspective on this open R would change if he knew for sure you had been taking advantage of it as well... just a thought...
Regardless, congrats on the DD and good luck to you. Just wanted to say welcome!
-lily
I was thinking about what you said about if DH would change his mind. He has told me over and over before that "if something happens he DOES NOT want to know about it."
When we were talking last night, he was asking if I would ever be with another guy and I was like "I'm not answering that because it falls under your rule." And he was happy with that answer. He self admits that he is a jealous person as far as it goes with me.
So in some ways I think he would not be too upset with me because he has done it also, but in other ways I can still see him being upset. Make sense??
If DD does turn out to be OMs then I dont know what to do. OM has children and we both know what would happen if it came to head that DD was his. He would be out on his butt. His W is not too forgiving. And I can almost be sure that she would try and keep his children from him (something he cannot have happen. He loves them too much)/. I honestly have no clue how this could all turn out.
wow! it was for a good read :) but I guess for me I could relate a little to closely to a couple of things.
Not so much your open marriage... it's always a surprise to hear about those... but at present it seems to be working well for you both... but of course with everything else... as you say, that can change.
I can relate a little to the story of your DD... mine born under similar circumstances... although given that DH and I were actively trying and MM and I always used protection... I think I certain that she is DH's but as nothing is 100% fullproof there is a 1% chance she could be MM's and it does way on my mind... one day I want to know for sure one way or the other and deal with it should I have to. A lot of what you are thinking in regards to dealing with it if DD was MM's has already gone through my mind as well.
Anyway... just wanted to welcome you aboard and glad you finally made it to posting.
luv and hugs
Sweet
Sweet
Co-Community Leader My
DH and I were also "trying". More of not avoiding I guess you could say. OM and I were definatly not trying. It's really weird how calm I have been of late. I was a mess early on in pregnancy and played out every scenario in my head. The deadly what if game.
OM didnt help me out much because he was playing the same game "what if we ran off together".. What if.... It was really messing with my head.
Everyone says these are roller coaster rides and they are certainly right.