Sometimes the smallest things.......

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sometimes the smallest things.......
8
Thu, 08-07-2003 - 10:17am
make me really upset. MM, has a really bad cold. He wasn't able to go, to work today. He's at home with his W, and the thought of that literally makes my stomach hurt. My mind is driving me crazy with the "what if's". It's not like this hasn't happend before, its just that TODAY, it's driving me crazy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-07-2003 - 10:25am
why are you soooooo upset? he has a bad cold and wants to stay home to get some R&R and because his W is there, it's driving you crazy? "what if" he's just trying to get well!

relax girl! he's not flying to tahiti with the W.

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Thu, 08-07-2003 - 10:28am
Secret,

Hang in there, sweetie!! I know how we can let the most insignificant things matter sometimes...but just try to keep perspective here. The 'what ifs' of your A are completely unrelated to his sick day...

Take a deep breath and find a nice little distraction for you...

Coffee, anyone??

Hugs,

Alameda

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2003
Thu, 08-07-2003 - 10:50am
What if what? What if she brings him chicken soup? I am sure she can be very nice to him at times. He is still having an affair. It probably doesn't matter what she does or how she acts - he is still going to have an affair, if that is what you are worried about. No, it is not likely that he will fall head over heels back in love with her today. Or ever.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2003
Thu, 08-07-2003 - 11:52am
I agree with these ladies. I certainly understand what you mean. My OM works security at a bar and the thought of him being around ANY other women drives me insane sometimes too. The most important thing to remember is MEN, whether its a H, MM, OM/SM whoever, they like a woman with a cool head. Just remember..."Never let HIM see you sweat." And that's what I do. It reassures them that you are not only mature, but still have a lot of those qualities that attracts him to you in the first place. A little jealous is normal and natural but this time, you're gonna have to do like I do.

Take Face. Insert into Pillow. SCREAM your pajamas off!!!! LOL

Hope this helps!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Thu, 08-07-2003 - 12:44pm
Secret,

I just remembered your last post from yesterday or the day before. 15 years? Geez...I would think that after 15 years, you would have better coping mechanisms for the day to day irritations.

In your last response to me you wrote:

"Maybe I'm taking the easy way out. But, I've been agonizing over this for way to long. I feel like life is passing me by. I'm in constant battle with myself, logic over emotions. Analyzing every little word that MM says. Making things bigger than they are.

Yes, I have waited a long time. All those years have been spent waiting. If, MM, and I can find our way back to what we had, then maybe that's a sign that we can make it as a "normal" couple. What I'm going through now is the pits."

And my response to you is: Yes, your life IS passing you by! You will never have a more "normal" R with MM than what you have now...Forget what MM says. It clearly doesn't mean anything--otherwise you wouldn't feel so insecure/confused/and hopeless. What you have with MM is NOT healthy.

Decide what you want. If you want MM to leave his W and he has made such promises, then tell him that you have waited long enough. 15 years is too long for anything...Tell him that you want to get on with your life. Either with him or without him...

Your happiness should NOT depend on his whims. There are other things in life that can give you strength and happiness. Take some control here. We will support you when you do!!!

Alameda

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Thu, 08-07-2003 - 2:21pm
My MM's wife is home until the 18th, so our time together will be unpleasantly affected by this. I don't hate her, I feel bad for being involved w/her husband, but it burns my bacon that she's there playing house & won't be too tired/too busy/too preoccupied when he comes home at the end of the day. It kills me that he'll inevitably take a day or 2 off to spend time with her. I hate him for that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2003
Thu, 08-07-2003 - 3:32pm
See, this kind of crazy obessive behavior is the reason I want to break off my relationship with SM. It drives me crazy to think about him sleeping with GF, taking her out, showing her binki body off to his friends. And now, see he's on vacation and I'm sure "THEY" are going somewhere. I can't do it. And I know deep down, he can't either. He just lies better than me!

Sorry...... I know this is your post, it just struck a cord with me. I've felt the same thing with X-SM. But in my sit, I'm married and he's not. So, I keep thinking to myself, he doesn't have a commitment to her, but he thinks he does. I want to scream, what about me, don't you love me (of course I know he does) and I want to ask, if you love me so much, how come you're hooked up with another girl? But all of that is unfair.

JM2C

C

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2003
Thu, 08-07-2003 - 3:40pm
Hey Honey,

Hang in there! I can sympathize . . . lately, little things are setting me off, too. Like tonight I'm supposed to see MM at a social event (neither of our spouses will be there). Well, he is going to get there about an hour later than expected, and now I am so bummed out about it!

Even if we can separate it in our own minds, and somehow manage to think logically for a moment, and recognize that it's not even worth spending two seconds fretting over, it still can grate our nerves, eh? I just keep chanting "roller coaster, roller coaster" and try to remember the good stuff.

Roller Coaster, Roller Coaster, Roller Coaster!

Emmy