Suggestions Needed About Givin Him Space
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Suggestions Needed About Givin Him Space
| Thu, 08-07-2003 - 2:58pm |
I’ve been seeing my MM for 18 months. He's been M for 7yrs, no kids. I'm D. We’ve had quite the emotional ride at times and it has been difficult because we work together. Last month he told me has was having a tough time dealing with things at home after he would leave me,and that he was confused,so there were a few times we would just be together to spend time together w/no sex. I began to wonder what was up b/c we would be almost naked and then nothing. Then he says that I shouldn’t wait for him that he wasn’t sure what his future held. I told him I was ok w/that. Then a week later he told me he didn’t see us as having a future together but didn't say why. I told him that was ok as well,that I realized we were just friends having sex. He didn’t seem to like hearing it like that and wanted me to explain why I said that. So then I was confused. He then said that maybe we should just get back to a strict working relationship only. Then a few days later he comes over and we have sex. Just last weekend he came over we got almost naked again, but no sex. And then yesterday he started talking about finally getting a divorce. I am so completely confused now I don’t have a clue what to do or what to say. I’m afraid to say anything that might scare him. I’m not even sure if he knows what he wants and doesn’t want any longer. Should I just back away and let him come to me when he wants and needs me? I’ve offered to be there if he needs me. I enjoy spending time with him so much and I’m constantly inviting him over. What do you think is going through his mind? I guess I need some suggestions so I don’t scare him or put unknown pressure on him.

He sounds very counfused, and that he's going through some difficult times. My best guess is that he is really debating things over and over in his mind, and evaluating whether he wants to continue in his marriage. That your MM doesn't have kids is a good thing, as that would no doubt make things even more confusing for him.
I don't know what kind of advice other posters will give you, but if it were me, I'd stay the course as you are - keep being warm, open, understanding. Enjoy the time you have with him, do not make demands. Although it may feel like his confusion has being going on for some time, and it surely hard for you to deal with, it's only been 1 month out of the 18 you've been together. Try to hold on to that fact!
Stay strong -- I know it's tough!
Emmy
Overall I feel like just sitting back, letting him come to me when he's ready and get off this merry-go-round. But there's the chance he won't come to me. And I seem to always worry about saying the wrong thing. He tells me to control my emotions and I do, then he does something to get me going again, almost a test to see if I still care or how much I'll put up with. It drives me crazy sometimes, but the majority of the time it's a good relationship. Just confusing.
And who hasn't been jealous when they see someone they COULD have had with someone else? I sure have! Don't you have guy friends who have wanted to date you and who you have rejected, but when they tell you about their girlfriends, you feel jealous? There is nothing weird or contradictory about your MM's behavior on this front.
As for his up and down/getting a divorce/don't wait for me yo-yo-ing, well, again, if you look at each moment, each behavior, sure it is confusing. But if you look at it as a whole, it adds up perfectly: the man is ambivalent. He is not going anywhere or doing anything other than keeping you AND his wife around. Nothing wrong with that as long as YOU don't require him to commit to you.
As for the possibility that his responses to you are based on some fear of your rejection of a more committed relationship with him.....puhleeze. Do you REALLY actually think that he is afraid you don't want a more commited relationship with him???? hahaha. You have to be kidding. You are kidding, right?
More seriously and importantly, you say that you are afraid that he wouldn't come to you if you hung back and waited to see what happens. Well, what do you think that means? If he hung back, would you sit and wait and let it all pass by? I don't think so. If a guy really likes a gal, he will pursue her. If the continuation of your relationship requires you to continue pursuing him, then what is it really worth?
Blonde, are you single? If you are single, ditch this guy and find someone available.