not sure what to do

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2002
not sure what to do
7
Thu, 08-07-2003 - 3:34pm
I'm off this week and the only way that me and MM have more contact is when i'm at work. I decided to call him yesterday but he didn't seem as excited about hearing from me as i was about him, and we haven't had any contact since Friday last week. I kept talking to him from home on the computer after that but i feel that things don't seem the same, he's busy and i don't feel like were connecting as we do when i'm at work. I don't know what to do, should i stay away from him until Monday when he takes the iniative to call me,and give him space to make him miss me? Am i overeacting? I sure miss him alot and he said he misses me too. Any comments, would be great...
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Thu, 08-07-2003 - 6:27pm
Hey luizinha,

Not sure that I can offer any advice... I can certainly relate to how you feel though to a point. MM at times gets very busy at work... which he is presently... it used to bother me that I would send him email and never get anything back. Now though... I understand... but he also realises too I think, because when he is unavailable... he always lets me know. However there are times... even now... when I do hold off sending him email and let him get in touch with me... I know he does think of me... but it's nice every now and then to get that first email wondering where I am and if all is ok.

Because your MM is busy and you are not there as a distraction ;) he may just be making the most of the time that he has to get a lot more done... if you know what I mean? you being there... of course he will make the time to talk you and such.

I'd try give him the time... and also make the most of yours... do something special for yourself... like a massage or facial and just enjoy the time that you have off work.

luv and hugs

Sweet

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2002
Thu, 08-07-2003 - 7:26pm
Thanks for your comments cl-sweetc69. I am giving him the time he needs, but i don't want to loose touch with him while i'm off. Do you think asking him to seem me for a bit tomorrow after work, will sound to needy or should i just wait for next week. The time we have together is too short, half an hour to an hour a week, and i wouldn't want this week to go blank, if you know what i mean, but at the same time i don't want him to think that i'm desperate. I don't know if i should ask or not. Any suggestions on this. Thanks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Fri, 08-08-2003 - 2:05am
Hey luizinha,

Half an hour to an hour a week... I wish I could be so lucky :) I can't really tell you what to do... for myself... when MM is off work, I will email him daily and then leave any contact up to him. He will usually tell me if he might be able to arrange to see me and I leave things at that... having children he likes to spend time with them... which is fair enough. As for me... being that I'm a SAHM... things don't usually change much.

I know there is the urge to see him and do so if you feel the need... I can't say how he will react... I used to think that MM would be annoyed with my emails... but I don't feel that anymore. You are the best one to judge him.

Sorry... I'm not much of a help this afternoon.

luv and hugs

Sweet

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2002
Fri, 08-08-2003 - 12:37pm
well, so much for the idea of seeing him today, i prepared to ask than i did and he responded "Sorry, not today i have plans", i was extremelly disapointed with that reponse and i just replied: "sure", since then i haven't talked to him, he thinks that i will call him later, but i made the decision not too. I'm going to just not talk to him again until he calls me on Monday. I'm just not sure how to deal with him on Monday and what to say...Should i talk about it again or just play cool and distant? it seems when i pull him away, he gives me more attention...This game is driving me insane, but i do want him desperately, it's like a drug and i'm addicted. Anyone else feels the same?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2003
Fri, 08-08-2003 - 12:44pm
As hard as it may be, let him get in touch with you next. Don't worry - he will! They always do (well, most of the time). He will want you more if he knows you are not so available! Beleive me, it seems a shame to have to play a sort of game, but it seems that generally speaking, that is how men are! Take a deep breath, relax, and busy yourself. He'll come around.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2003
Fri, 08-08-2003 - 3:14pm
Oh how can I relate to what you are going through. I have been where you are but I took back control over my life when MM broke it off w/ me a few weeks ago. Needless to say he did not stay away long and did come back and yes I did take him back but under different terms. I used this time away to change my view of the A along w/ my expectations; meaning I no longer expect anything from MM. I do love him and want to spend time w/ him but I do not ask him to do things anymore and I do not sit around and wait for him to call. Let's face it we are in an A so it is not like the normal rules of dating apply here. This is the only R that I can handle at this point in my life so it works for now. The time that we do spend together is truly "quality time" so it is worth the wait in my opinion.

I would suggest that you take this time away to figure out what you are looking for in this A and think about what MM can really offer you. You should also be honest w/ yourself and figure out what you can really handle. In my opinion if you have nothing but tension and anxiety in your life as a result of this A then maybe you should just walk away. After all it's not really worth all of that is it? I would not contact him over the weekend either and on Monday I would play it cool and distant. Let MM come to you (you know he will) and let nature take its course. I too am a drug addict but life does go on w or w/o MM. As for the games, I think that most A's involve games at some point. Isn't that part of the draw to the A?

Good luck and be strong.

T.H.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2002
Sat, 08-09-2003 - 5:15pm
Thanks you all for your comments on my situation. I will not call on Monday, but i know he will, because i know the more i play cool and distant the more he comes around, and i know he's thinking about me, because we didn't finished talking last time in very "happy terms", so he knows that i'm not too content with him right now, and he hates that....