I am so confused

Avatar for ladyonalilypad
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
I am so confused
2
Thu, 08-07-2003 - 4:15pm
I will try to make this as uncomplicated as I can. My best friend (woman) and I had certain feelings for one another. We had never been with another woman and we were curious. She is married and I am living with my bf. The boys were fine with it but they wanted to be there kinda thing. Well we planned a night where we would 'make the guys feel comfortable' first. We ended up going over to their place (which is across the street) and sitting around talking. Nothing was happening, I am not sure if the guys even knew what we had planned. Finally I called her hubby over. To make a long story short. I ahh introduced myself to him *grins*. We hadn't really talked before her hubby and I. It was more of a hey how's it going. The night was amzing. We clicked so well. It was indescribable. We were still up talking and touching at 8am.

Her husband admitted after that first night that he could easily fall in love with me. It upset her but she didn't want it to stop. We started hanging out as a group more (as opposed to just her and I) The days went on and we would switch almost nightly. It was fun.. only it was becoming more serious. I was falling for her husband. Hard. Her and I ended up having our experience and though it was good (guys weren't around.. though they knew) we agreed that we didn't want it to occur again.

Her husband was jealous because he said he wanted me all to himself.. he didn't want her touching me. My bf said the same about her. And amazingly the boys weren't jealous of each other. My friend's husband is a little jealous type.. and he couldn't get over that he didn't even care what she was doing when he was with me.

He fell for me, just as I did for him. It's so hard to explain how it was. Some nights that we switched we didn't even have sex. We just talked.. and laughed. Funny thing is, we are so alike on so many different matters. We can talk about anything: religion, different countries, our past, our current relationships, childhood. You name it.

He told his wife everything. How he felt about me.. her. He is so honest it is scary. Anyways we joked around how life would be like with each other, how happy we could make each other. As there are things lacking in our current relationships. We laughed at how ironic it would be if our s/o came to us one day and said they wanted to be together.

Well... guess what happened? Now it's like. OMG. The thought is good but there is so many factors. We both have young children (who are best friends as well). My child is from a previous marriage. My friend said she would let him have the children. I am currently unemployed and I could watch all the kids and save at least $1000 on daycare a month. They talked about everything. I am not sure how my bf feels. I know he likes her a lot.. he and I don't get a long well and haven't in quite a while.

I just want to make sure everyone is doing this for the right reason. There are kids involved.. you know? I know without a doubt that I love this man. I know he loves me too. He is honest and he is very sad at what may take place. regardless of which way this thing turns out. He has been with her for 13 years. That is a lot of history. He will always love her just as I will always love my bf. I told him that if this happened.. I wouldn't want to hear in a month or so that his wife was miserable and she wanted him back. I asked what he would do. And he said he honestly didn't know. I admire that.. so honest. painfully so. I was over there today, as the kids were playing in the basement. We were talking, crying, wondering.. legs intertwined on the couch. His wife came home from work. She couldn't concentrate. I patted the sofa and she sat down by us. He wanted to know why she was home.. wondering if she had changed her mind from that morning. She told him that she meant what she said. She wanted to be with my bf. It was awkward so I went in the basement with the kids and cleaned up and then took my little one home, saying I would talk to them later. (before she sat down to talk she went over to my house and talked to bf for a few hours)

It is so confusing. He and I are both sad, excited, wondering. You know? He was crying. he didn't know how to feel he just knows he can't keep loving the two of us. That it is to hard. He says the only thing that he is really sure of is us (me and him). But again there are so many factors involved. Kisa, family.. not to mention neighbors! LOL Imagine carrying stuff back and forth from house to house. We know all the neighbors.. how would we explain this? There is so much more.. I am just so confused. I need some insight.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Thu, 08-07-2003 - 4:35pm
Wow...what a complicated situation you are in. I don't really have any advice or suggestions for you, I just wanted to send you some ((hugs)). How long ago did all of this start? I can understand how this could have happened. Hopefully someone else on the boards can give you some insight.

Take care, and good luck to you!

Avatar for ladyonalilypad
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Thu, 08-07-2003 - 8:36pm
It's been about a month. I know a REALLY short time. It is strange.. very.