marital aide

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2003
marital aide
3
Fri, 08-08-2003 - 12:31am
help me what do i do mm has persued me for a year, we began spending more time togather and started having an emoitional affair. I have had very intense feelings for mm since the day i met him so about four months ago it became physical. in the beginning he seemed to be contemplating leaving w and was not happy. one day while we were togather i asked mm if he feels any diffrent now that he is seeing me. his response was i am alot happier well now he and his wife are buying a house and they suddenly get along.we had discussed affairs in the past and he said he has herd they can help a marriage. so am i a marital aide? I dont know what to do i love to be with him but i dont want to feel used.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Fri, 08-08-2003 - 1:58am
Hi GG and welcome,

unfortunately for you... this can definitely be the case. Many people find they are simply lacking something in their marriage and once that are getting that fullfilled elsewhere, can continue to live a happy home life.

I guess MM and I do very much the same with each other... while we certainly have our problems at home with our spouses... I know for myself, MM makes that life so much better. I have someone there who will pick me up when I need it and through him I can perspective to my DH as well... and I'm sure I give it back to him. While it may not be perfect... it works for us.

You really need to consider what you want and need... if you want to continue with the relationship you must understand that he may never leave his wife... can you live with that and being second best???? if not... then it may be time to think seriously about this relationship and maybe move on.

I know that it can be hard when feelings are involved... but trust me... it will only get worse.

It really all comes down to what YOU can live with and no one else.

luv and hugs

Sweet



Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2003
Fri, 08-08-2003 - 9:25am
Yes, an affair can help a marriage stay together. It is not really good for the marriage though. There are a lot of comparisons drawn between the OW and the W (or the OM and the H). There are a lot of secrets between the H & W. But it makes it easier for a man to stay married to a woman he is not attracted to anymore but who is objectively attractive and presentable and who is the mother of his kids or could someday be a good mother to his kids. It takes the edge off of his discontent, although it certainly brings up new issues of discontent, and at times the MM may start to feel, "well, what about me and OW? it's not fair! why can't i be with her whenever i want to be?" But then, he usually pushes those feelings aside in favor of his stability and his life and the choices he has made.

Like I always say - if it bothers you, get out. Otherwise, enjoy what you have for what it is.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2003
Fri, 08-08-2003 - 12:34pm
You didn't say whether you were married. If you are not, I think it might be hard for you to understand just how difficult it is to give up a marriage. Don't plan on him leaving. Just try to enjoy your relationship with your MM for what it is. My affair with my MM (I am married) has made things beteewn my husband and I better - smoother. I am getting from MM the things I cannot get from my husband. I am never going to leave my husband, but the things MM and I share are a wonderful (but small) part of my life. This may be the case in your situation. It does not mean it is a bad thing, and I don't think you should consider it demeaning. It is what it is. Try to be happy with that - if you can't, then maybe you should move on. I hope this helps. Good luck.