REBUILDING WITH HUSBAND
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REBUILDING WITH HUSBAND
| Fri, 08-08-2003 - 1:29pm |
Ok long story short, I think I may need this board NOW, I had an A which broke up my marriage, EXH is currently engaged and living with another women, I devastated him with A, then over the years I tried to repair and he hurt me with other women, alot of hurt on both ends but we still love eachother, I am currently trying to end the A, I do not even love MM just "stuck", anyways EXH wants to try and rebuild, go to therapy and work towards fixing, while we do this he is still with fiancee so I become the OW until he can get his stuff together and move out on his own, the divorce and child support and everything else really put both of us in bad financial shape so he needs time, this is hard but I do understand. BUT at the same time I am so tired of being the OW, I know in my heart if he did not love me he would not want the counsling, if fiancee found out she would literally kill him she is very very nutty and controlling. So I know by him taking this chance he really wants it, I also know because for 2 1/2 years we have both expressed how much we love eachother we have both been so afraid of getting hurt again to take the steps. I guess my question is how do I deal with being the OW to my EXH?? I knew in my heart that MM would never leave, he was just a distraction obsession with no future, but I want my family back, how do I do this

When I was with someone else, and he was during the separation period, we did not sleep together. We talked everyday, twice a day, told each other we still loved each other but were cautious as to what that meant.
If I were you, I would end the other. There is no "stuck" about it. If you do not love him, and you love your ex, stop playing the OW now. Anyone can change their life as long as they have a breath left in their body. You can.
I would not start the physical affair with my exH. I never did and I feel good about that. I literally moved out of my BF place and moved back to my ExH that day. We slept together but no sex for a few days. It was very fragile and nothing to rush or joke about. We have a child and this was serious business.
You can live your life right at any moment you decide to. Good luck.
Either neither of you are very serious, or you haven't actually figured out how to have a relationship that is only committed to each other.
I would suggest that you go back and read your own post. He needs to live with another woman so that he can get back on his feet from the divorce with you, paying child support (your children?) but actually getting back together and sharing expenses is not an option, or at least breaking off an existing relationship and pending marriage?
I really don't mean to be cruel, but this makes absolutely no sense coming from someone who doesn't want to be hurt... actually it makes no sense under any circumstances IMHO. So he needs time and doesn't want to be hurt and his fiancee is his safety net in case you don't work out?
My advice is to leave Ex alone until he (and you) is ready for a relationship together without his safety net (that means ending his engagement and moving out) and avoid being used/hurt by him. In the meantime, if you don't want a relationship with the other guy end it on its own merits - not for someone living with a fiancee.
Rose