BIG dilemma, please help me out

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2003
BIG dilemma, please help me out
6
Fri, 08-08-2003 - 2:29pm
Hello,

I haven't been on this board lately because I ended up taking a trip with H and I have to say it was a real eye opener. I found myself remembering why I fell in love with him in the first place and I decided I want to get out of my R with OM and work on things with H. Now here is where it gets difficult.

Since I've been back, OM is trying to see me and we made plans before I left but now I don't want to go through with them. I don't know how to break this to him and how I'm going to end it. I still have strong feelings for him but I need to get out of this.

Also, my 'best friend' Laura has done just about everything else besides stating the fact that she wants my H. She flirts with him constantly and even 'joked' to me I should leave him for OM and she would go for H. H is angry about this too because it upsets me and he says he would never leave me for her.

Since Laura knows about OM, it worries me that she will use that against me since I have decided to stay with H. So my options are 1. Tell H everything and have him leave me 2. Pray that Laura doesn't tell H, although eventually she likely will and he will leave me. I don't want these options to happen! I want to live an honest life with H and forget OM ever entered my life.

Please help me, I have no idea what to do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2003
Fri, 08-08-2003 - 7:26pm
I'm sorry Jeanie for what you are going through, I've btdt. My H found out about my past A from someone else. I often think it would have been better if I had told him myself. He suspected and asked me several times, and I lied telling him no. I think this hurt him as much as the A did. He always told me, right from the beginning that if I ever wanted someone else, or wanted out, to just tell him. But I was too much of a coward to tell him, and things really got ugly when he did find out.

Don't know if this helps.

Hugs,

itty

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Fri, 08-08-2003 - 7:34pm
Jeanie,

I'm sure this is really difficult to go through. I can't imagine how torn you're feeling. But I think I'd go the honesty route. Since there's a good chance your 'friend' (and I use that term loosely) would tell him anyway, I think it best he hear it from you. Sometimes honesty isn't the best thing, it only helps deal with your own guilt. But if he's going to find out anyway....

As for how to tell OM, I'm afraid I can't help you. I don't have a clue, but I know it will be difficult. How long have you and OM been together?

{{HUGS}}

Lucky

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2003
Fri, 08-08-2003 - 7:44pm
Are you sure Laura is not having some sort of affair with your H? This sounds very very plausible.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Fri, 08-08-2003 - 9:46pm
Hey there Jeanie,

Be honest with OM and tell him

you want to work things out with

your H. I'm sure he'll understand.

As for your "friend", ugh. I don't

know. She does sound like she'd say

something, so as far as telling your

H... Perhaps you doing it would be

best. My H found out and he didn't

leave and as far as I know, a lot

of the spouses stay... But I don't

know!

Hope your okay, know we're all here

for you! Keep us updated. Oh yeah..

Have you talked to Laura about this?

Have you told her that you want to

work out your M? Perhaps telling her

you are working out your M would

set her straight?

Just a thought! ~passion

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2003
Sun, 08-10-2003 - 3:54pm
Hi,

I've been with OM only for about six months and I still have very strong feelings for him but I think it would be best to work things out with H, so breaking it off with OM is going to be hard for me but I have to do it.

I really don't think H and my friend have something going on, but I know her R with her H is horrible and she is jealous because my H treats me much better than her H ever has treated her. At first I thought it was simply jealousy but her comments have been going too far. I don't want to lose her friendship but this is really hurting me.

I would like to tell H so we can start 'fresh', that is if he doesn't leave me over it. I almost did it yesterday but we were having such a wonderful time together I couldn't ruin it. I don't know if any time will ever be the right time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2003
Sun, 08-10-2003 - 4:27pm
Oh sweetie, I know how you feel, wanting to come clean but being afraid. I think you should write H a letter, I found that by writing things down in a journal (just for myself) is so much easier than saying them out loud. JMO, good luck.

AKA