How do you deal with "regular" life?
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How do you deal with "regular" life?
| Sat, 08-09-2003 - 10:31am |
I'd like to know from those of you experienced in this crazy thing called an EMA how you deal with every day regular life? I am married for 25 yrs (I married very young at 17) and not very happy. I started the EMA a couple of months ago with a co-worker I have been friends with for a couple of years. I am pretty sure I've fallen in love with him. We have managed to be together several times over the past couple of months and I see him at work but I can't call him outsde of work because his wife gets the cell phone bills. I can't e-mail him because she reads them. We usually meet after work on fridays for a drink but yesterday he was in an unexpected meeting until late. Also that day I didn't get to meet him for lunch as usual because his wife called and asked him to meet her. So I was so upset I cried all the way home and then had to make up some excuse to my husband about why I was so upset. The problem is he is all I can think about. I long for him constantly. I know this is wreaking havoc with my already precarious marriage not to mention my psyche but it seems like he's the only good thing in my life right now - when I get to be with him that is. My sons are pretty much on their own so they don't keep my occupied anymore.
Question is - how do you all deal with this? I'm sure some of you have the same emotions with your EMAs. I just need some advice and help! Thanks!!
TA

While I'm not in your situation (I'm seperated, am divorcing), I can understand what you are experiencing. I went through a stage of constantly thinking of MM, day dreaming and night dreaming of him, as if it was an obsession. And, in my time on the board here I've read of others that have fallen in love with their affair partner, often during the first 2 to 3 months of their affair.
You say you feel you are falling in love, and your feelings *are* real...but a few months isn't very long at all, whether it's an EMA or open relationship. Especially in a secret relationship where you can't see each other as often as you would like or enjoy each other's company in public - it hasn't been enough time to get to know one another.
You wrote, "it seems like he's the only good thing in my life right now" - whoa! Stop right there and take stock of your life. You have children (even if they don't *need* you so much anymore, they are still a positive in your life), you have your health, you have a job, you have other family, you have friends, you have a roof over your head, and I know there are many more personal things in your life I don't know about that you value. You have ALOT of good things in your life!
I think if you can learn to juggle all the good (and not so good), you will feel more balanced. For instance, say each ball you are juggling represents something in your life - your marriage, your life as a mom, your work, your hobbies/interests, your EMA, etc. While you give your attention to the ball that you are holding in your hand, you will eventually need to toss it up in the air and catch the next ball and give attention to that - it's a contstant juggling, balancing act. Of course, when something new comes into your life (like your EMA), the balance will be off for a while until you find a way to fit it into the balance.
If you can't find the balance, that something will come crashing down - it could be your marriage, it could be your phsyce, it could be your EMA. You need to take control to ensure that something you value doesn't come crashing down. By taking control, I mean by taking stock, evaluating what it is that makes you happy and what doesn't, and knowing which balls you want to keep and which you want to drop (if any).
I guess I'm saying instead of thinking of measuring your life with scales - with all the good on one side and all the not-so-good on the other - to juggle it all together. It's taken me a long time to learn that I have control over my own life because all the not-so-good would weigh more than the good when I measured it with scales. Now I am juggling, I tend to not put emphasis on the not-so-good when I don't have that ball in my hand (ie. deal with it as it happens - don't worry about it when it's not there yet). Think positive and don't let any one thing in your life (such as your children or your EMA) be your "be all and end all". Most importantly, don't loose yourself.
Just my two cents, don't know if it makes sense. Please know, we are here to support you and listen. I found that just by writing it out, posting here on the board, helped immensely in sorting through my thoughts/emotions! Wishing you the best for You.
Meow
TA, listen to Meow! She knows what she's talking about!
I have felt the way you do in the past, but I never, ever
thought of it so clearly as Meow said!
~passion
TA
TA