At last..

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
At last..
1
Sun, 08-10-2003 - 10:26pm
At last..it is Sunday and after almost 2 weeks of NC, MM and I can talk tomorrow. I was out of town for a week with work and then we were both on vacation the following week.

The weird thing is that I am not really sure that I want to talk to him. This is such a strange emotion for me. I really love this man and miss him terribly when we are apart. I think that I hurt so badly earlier this week from missing him that I almost convinced myself that could (should) end this. So much suffering for such a small amount of happiness. It is almost that I talked myself out of this for self-preservation. Maybe it was thinking about him with his W all week. This has never happened before with my feelings for him. It is almost like I know this will have to end someday and since I have a 2 week head start, why not get it over with! I know that the minute I talk to him tomorrow, I will be right back into him. I am not truly contemplating ending it. More like "could I end this if I had to?".



Anyone else ever experienced this? Weird, huh?

Hugs

RH

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2003
In reply to: red_harts
Sun, 08-10-2003 - 11:13pm
Good luck! I wish I could give you strength to stay away from MM. I've even tried going out with other guys. It broke my heart to tell my MM that I couldn't see him because I was on a date. But, I always let him back in my life. He's definitely got my heart, so I might as well enjoy him every chance I get. I know we'd both be better off without them, but that's not EASY!!! I guess your situation is worse than mine though. My MM is (will) be divorced this month. My MM hadn't slept with his wife in over 2 years when we started seeing each other. She called me and told me there'd be no way she'd sleep with him. She can't stand him, but she now doesn't want me to have him either. I don't think I could have continued on with him if I knew he was sleeping with someone else. Even though I honestly wonder if he sleeps around on me. Since I found him when he was married and he wanted me, I think I will always question his sincerity.

But we don't tell each other we love each other even though it's been over a year. We just tell each other how much we care. I know he knows I love him and vice versa. We can see it in each other's eyes. How pathetic are we???

What do we do? I don't know. Good luck!! Be strong! If you can stay away from him, keep me informed on how you did it!!

My thoughts are with ya!!!!