How do I make contact with MM?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2003
How do I make contact with MM?
3
Mon, 08-11-2003 - 1:45pm
hi everyone

I visited here back in December. H found out about me meeting MM, and all heck broke loose. I have spent the last 8 months trying to fix my marriage...but I still think about MM every single day. I see him a lot at the kids functions, and everytime I see him, I feel like I can't breath. I carry on conversations, etc. around me but the whole time I am so focused on the fact that he is so close. I can't even bring myself to make eye contact with him, because H told me that I "looked" at him a certain way. I just know my feelings would be out for everyone to see.

H or his W are always around....and if they aren't...a select group of friends who know about what happened are...and I can't risk them telling H they saw us talking.

He approached a friend of mine a few months after it happened and said that he thought I must hate him since I wouldn't look at him. She just told him that I couldn't rish H or his W seeing that.

I do still love my H.....but he is an alcoholic....although not willing to admit it. I just can't take it anymore....I have begged, pleaded...and at this point, I just don't have the energy to make it work anymore....

MM is a recovered alcoholic...and knew exactly what I was going through. I miss him so much.....he was more than a love interest...he was a great friend. I want so much to talk to him...but I can't risk calling.....can't reach him at work....

Not to mention, I am so afraid that he no longer has feelings for me. SO much time has gone by.....We really had such a strong connection, that I would be surprised, but you never know.....

I have been so patient for so long...telling myself an opportunity will come up....but it hasn't!

Here are my ideas...and the reasons I am afraid to try them.

1. Call his home at 3:30. W is still at work...h at work...but his teenage son who sounds like him could be home, and what if he does answer and tells his mom a woman called...if I hang up....they could *69.

2. Put a flyer for the store we met at on his windshield, and see if he recognises the "sign" lol ....of course I would have to do it in the middle of the night so they wouldn't see me! LOL

3. I have gone for my walks around the time he comes home from work hoping he might see me and stop.

4. I have hinted to my best friend that I really need to talk to him....how there was no "closure" (she knew about everything and was very understanding) but H was VERY upset with her for knowing and not saying anything and I don't think she wants to get involved with being the contact person.

I keep hoping with time, it will get better...but it isn't.

How can I make contact with him? I thought of leaving something on his car at work....but the parking lot is blocks long...and i would have to leave the house at 7:00 in the morning and H leaves at 8:00. Everything seems SO risky!

HELP!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Mon, 08-11-2003 - 2:15pm
They could *69 your number but if you dial *67 first, it will block your number and they can't trace it. Check in your phone book to see if that's the proper # for your area. Can you not call your MM at his work? I'm not sure what you can do, but I would make it a point to make eye contact with him the next time you see him. You H can't be watching you 24/7, so I'm sure you could sneak a wink or something!! I like the idea of leaving the flyer on his car with the place that you met. He might get the hint and if you could somehow put a date and time on it and then meet him there. Put something like "Pasta buffet every Tuesday at 7pm" and underline it.

I haven't had any experience yet with this sort of thing so I don't really have any ideas.....sorry!!!

Good luck though!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2003
Mon, 08-11-2003 - 2:32pm
I did think about using *67...but I also know there is some feature where even if it doesn't give the number..you can still return the call...he has teenagers....and they are smart about these things! LOL

Last Sunday I saw MM and his wife at church. For some reason he left at communion and she stayed...as he was walking out, I did look at him and smiled. It was so quick...I think he smiled back...but he looked more surprised than anything....I am going to hell for thinking about this at CHURCH! LOL

I am thinking the flyer might be the way to go. I would rather talk to him first...I just don't want to meet him until I talk to him. If I could just figure out some way to get him to call me when he gets home from work. Much smaller risk for him to call here than me to call there. This is SO frustrating.

I go to watch my son's football practice (he coaches the younger kids) and there are times I think he may be looking at me, but it is so hard to tell :O(

Thanks for your advice!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2003
Mon, 08-11-2003 - 3:44pm
How did you get ahold of him in the past??? before people found out?

If you are done with your H and can't take his alcoholism anymore, why don't you figure out what you're going to do and how you're going to do it, before you get involved all over again with an EMA? It will make things a lot easier if you either leave your H, or figure out if you don't want to leave your H and stay with MM on the side. If you know this 1st and figure out what is truly going to make you happy things will be easier then running to your MM out of desperation. I wish I would've done this... figured out what to do about my M before I fell in love with my MM.

How did your H find out? what did your H find out?

if your phone number is blocked there is no way to get around that. *69 only works on unblocked #'s... but how many of us get telemarketing phone calls??? Ask for Mr. (so and so) and if his son says, he's not home.. you'll know, but if MM answers you can ask him if he had time to talk.

I hope you all the best, being in a terrible marriage sucks!!

=)