Whaddaya Think About This???
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Whaddaya Think About This???
| Mon, 08-11-2003 - 8:15pm |
MM phoned this morning to say that he didn't want me to think he was avoiding me, & wanted me to know that I'm on his mind. (He last phoned Sunday @ 2AM.) He had to sneak out to call because W is home this week...it's their stinkin' 4-year anniversary. After he said, "I didn't want you to think I was avoiding you & I wanted you to know I'm thinking about you," I SAID: "I understand. You're busy playing husband this week."
He was SO offended. He said I didn't have to be cynical. Said that it was cruel. I asked, "Why? It's true. You are somebody's husband." His reply suggested that I insinuated he isn't a real husband. I didn't mean it that way, I was just being honest. While he was trying to explain why the statement hurt, I could tell he was crying. He's been really emotional during the past several days...maybe because he's been home w/W???
Do y'all think there was anything wrong with my comment? If you're married & somebody calls you a husband/wife, what's the problem????
Edited 8/11/2003 8:17:41 PM ET by kira_gaston

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In your defense, he shouldn't be soo touchy, chill out, relax guy.!! Tell him you appreciate the phone call, and move on...
=)
I've been really lighting into him via voicemail lately. I hurt & feel like he's been denying that my feelings are legitimate. IMHO he over-reacted. He's wearing his heart on his sleeve, but it wouldn't hurt if he wore his freakin' sleeves HERE WITH ME, instead of with someone else.
He's a putz; when he apologizes for screwing up our lives all I can do is agree with him.
I think my MM is a putz half the time too! But he doesn't apologize that often, and thinks he's right a lot, I actually think he takes advatage of how in love I am with him. I am trying to back off and let him come to me right now... and it's working, lil by lil.
He did over react, but he's trying, give him a lil slack, lately my MM isn't trying crap and I'm getting so irritated!
=)
Nothing particularly wrong with that on its face. But obviously, he objected to it, and that is all that matters. Clearly, he is having some issues. Let him have some space for now.
It sounds like as a general rule though, you might want to avoid continuing to talk after saying, "I understand." No need to go into the rest of it, the stuff that pertains to HIM. Leave him out of it - you know what I mean? IN other words, he said, "I am thinking about you, and I wanted you to know." You said, "I understand." That would have been fine. It was not necessary to continue on and say, YOU WERE PLAYING HUSBAND. Keep it in mind.
I've tried to give him space...actually told him to never contact me again. To leave me alone & let me go. It's because he phones & leaves messages that I've phoned him back. Today begins -- AGAIN -- day 1 of NC. I don't answer the phone when he calls, but I have to listen to my messages. There's no way to tell which are his. Once I listen I have to respond. >:) As I mentioned he typically behaves as if my concerns are trivial, like I'm over-reacting...if you knew me you'd know I have to set things straight.
But hey if it works for you do it... I'm slowly letting MM get my hint that things aren't the same so don't expect what you've had in the past from me!
=)
If I distance myself from MM he bends over backwards to see/make time for me. I think that he gets unsure if I'm dating or not. Twice when I've told him to get lost he was extra attentive, played really nice in the sandbox...& asked for keys to my place. He knows I go out with other guys (I don't sleep around, though). It's his way of trying to curb my activities, I think; to motivate me not to bring any dates home.
But why should I have to play games for him to spend time with me. If he WANTS to, he'll do it consistently, not because he hasn't heard from me in days. I'm tired of the drama, which is precisely why I initiated NC.
Don't they say that affairs are sometimes fantasy lives. I mean, it is based on untruths in the "day to day" dealings with families, work, etc., and you simply reminded him he is putting on a fake front with his wife.
Sometimes the truth is hard to hear.
JMHO.
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