Trust Issues

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Trust Issues
5
Tue, 08-12-2003 - 7:39am
Thanks to all who answered my question on yesterday.

MM, and I were associates, wouldn't really say friends, before we got involved in this EMA. For, years we never really knew much about each other. It was more of a physically relationship.

Now, I've learned so much about him, and truly know him, there are things I don't like. What is your opinion on this.

MM, is one of 6 children. He is next to the youngest. His father had an EMA for years, in which he has a child out of wedlock. When his father died last year, of course no one acknowledged this girl. He was just as much her father, as he was, the childern he had from his W.

His oldest brother, has 7 children (1 set of twins) none except the twins have the same mother.

His oldest sister, tricked her husband into thinking that their daughter is his, but she really isn't.

His next to oldest brother, has never been faithful to his W, and it's a big family joke.

Basically, the point I'm trying to make is......he wasn't brought up to have respect for a marriage, or for women. As a child, he knew his father was having an EMA, and he worshiped his father. So, he thinks that it is OK, to not be faithful. I think cheating will always be an issue with him. He says he cheats because he is unhappy in his marriage. I find that hard to believe, because when we started our EMA, he had only been married a couple of months.

I don't want to be one of the family jokes. All his family knows that he is cheating on his W. I know them, and they know about our EMA. I'm cautious, because I want my marriage to last. I want to do everything I can to make sure it does the next time around.

Gotta to, thank for listening

Secret

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2003
In reply to: secretluver
Tue, 08-12-2003 - 8:23am
Secret,

WOW what a situation!!!

I am a product of an affair and when my father died...I was not mentioned anywhere to anyone for about 13 years. But my father did not have it in him to be faithful. I did not grow up with him, he died when I was a baby. But that makes one wonder if it is just something in the gentics? I have an aunt that has NEVER been faithful to anyone in her entire life! And I can't say much more for the rest of the family! I have a brother from my father that can't stay faithful either! WOW...is it gentics? He did not grow up with our father either!

Good luck to you secret...I don't know what to say other than...I don't think he is going to stop. And be careful...you never know what could come out when so many people know. I am sure a family like that is going to handle it one of two ways...and only one you come out all right!

Love to all....Red
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
In reply to: secretluver
Tue, 08-12-2003 - 8:46am
Wow! I think it may be genetics!

On my part, it's from my Dad's side.

When I was 11 years old, my father and

I went to the Drug store. He had to pick

up my prescription and I went along. At

the same time of buying my meds, he

bought condoms. No big deal right? Wrong.

My Mom was "fixed", there was no need for

condoms. Anyways, I was so upset with him

and at that young age, I fired off questions

about his fidelity. He made me keep quiet.

A few years ago, when he was up visiting, I

asked him about it. (My parents are divorced

now... for other reasons...) Anyways, he

finally told me the truth. (After a few drinks

your tongue gets loose...) All those years

I hated him for it because I knew what he was

doing... Gut feeling.. Anyways, I understand

now that I'm in this situation. I wish I could

tell him about what's up with me, but I'm sure

he really knows..

Genetics all right! ~passion

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
In reply to: secretluver
Tue, 08-12-2003 - 9:56am
Wow, I always wondered myself if EMA's were genetic.

My sister is seperated from her H because of an EMA and I see how this affected my entire family. My bro-in-law told my parents that their daughter was F****** another man and then through all of her clothes out on the porch on Thanksgiving Eve of all times. This entire sitution is killing my parents they loose sleep ect. However in the midst of all of this what do I do. I start an EMA(I am m also) with OM and my family is a big reason I could never leave my H. I think they like him more than me.

My others sisters are always critizing sister in EMA and I just listed on and remain silent.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
In reply to: secretluver
Tue, 08-12-2003 - 10:57am
hi girls guess l'm odd one here my parents been happily married for almost 44 years. they been together since 1958 my brother and w been happily married for 10 years 2half kids.my aunt incle been togther since high school.all parents very closes friends been married over 40 years.me not married yet love be married to my mm.maybe l'm navie but really now my mm for about 25 years l do know been only other women in his life.hugs kimmy


Edited 8/12/2003 11:00:12 AM ET by englishrose24
kimmy
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
In reply to: secretluver
Tue, 08-12-2003 - 6:49pm
Hey Secret,

this one has come up a couple of times before... in fact I think I started such a thread some time ago in regards to EMA's and genetics. 3 years ago... my mother finally walked out on my father after 39 years of marriage... she had threatened this for years and never ever followed through with it. An old friend of the family had appeared back on the scene and this is apparently what did it... she was sleeping with him and I found out later that she had done so many years before.

I had always had doubts about my mother faithfullness... from a very young age I always had that feeling and would be posesive and hang off mum while male friends where around... I'd stay up late even after my father had gone to bed... just to ensure nothing could happen.

I used to wonder would I end up the same... it still scares me today... specially in the fact that I don't want to leave my marriage... but still want to keep MM. Will I too walk away many years down the track way after my children have left the family home?? All this goes through my mind at different times and I just have to believe in myself and know that this is 'my' life and not my mothers.

Sorry hon... I haven't really given you much support on the subject.

luv and hugs

Sweet

Sweet
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