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Need some input
| Tue, 08-12-2003 - 1:45pm |
Hi Guys...
I can't believe how much comfort I feel when I get into this site and read everyone's input. I have been in an LDEMA for 5 months now...both of us are M. Both unhappy, but are still married because we are still sorting through this confusion. We have been business associates for 2 years now and all of a sudden...we started looking at each other diffently a few months ago. It's been great since we care about each other a lot and have been open and honest about our situation(s). We share our feelings about our frustrations/opinions/etc.
Anyway, we were on the phone today planning a get-together out of town and we were having a great time until I asked him what the rest of his week looked like (my attempt at small talk). He told me that his family is having a family reunion this weekend and was having aunts/uncles/cousins fly in (some are staying at his house). For some reason, I just got really jealous.
I have come to understand that in an EMA, we can't afford to really feel jealous due to the circumstance. I have been trying to avoid those feelings of bitterness/jealousy/etc. simply to survive this EMA (and not go nuts) but I just don't know what's going on with me. I really like him, no doubt about that, and I know he likes me too but this whole reunion thing struck a weird feeling from me. It's bad enough that I know he has a W and a child at home...and it's bad enough that he knows I have a H at home. What does it mean when we get to a point where we are starting to feel jealous/bitter of their activities because we aren't simply the ones enjoying it with them?
It's only been 5 months...Why now am I feeling this way?
Any advice as to what I can do to deal with it or simply pretend he never said it or get a case of amnesia? Ha. Ha.
Thanks!
I can't believe how much comfort I feel when I get into this site and read everyone's input. I have been in an LDEMA for 5 months now...both of us are M. Both unhappy, but are still married because we are still sorting through this confusion. We have been business associates for 2 years now and all of a sudden...we started looking at each other diffently a few months ago. It's been great since we care about each other a lot and have been open and honest about our situation(s). We share our feelings about our frustrations/opinions/etc.
Anyway, we were on the phone today planning a get-together out of town and we were having a great time until I asked him what the rest of his week looked like (my attempt at small talk). He told me that his family is having a family reunion this weekend and was having aunts/uncles/cousins fly in (some are staying at his house). For some reason, I just got really jealous.
I have come to understand that in an EMA, we can't afford to really feel jealous due to the circumstance. I have been trying to avoid those feelings of bitterness/jealousy/etc. simply to survive this EMA (and not go nuts) but I just don't know what's going on with me. I really like him, no doubt about that, and I know he likes me too but this whole reunion thing struck a weird feeling from me. It's bad enough that I know he has a W and a child at home...and it's bad enough that he knows I have a H at home. What does it mean when we get to a point where we are starting to feel jealous/bitter of their activities because we aren't simply the ones enjoying it with them?
It's only been 5 months...Why now am I feeling this way?
Any advice as to what I can do to deal with it or simply pretend he never said it or get a case of amnesia? Ha. Ha.
Thanks!

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((hugs)) A lot of this stuff sure isn't easy!
Glad to know that I am not the only one feeling like this.
You may be onto something about this whole "don't ask, don't tell" deal. Problem is...I'm afraid that my imagination may be worse than the truth if I don't know anything. My imagination is my own worse enemy...I think it's why I ask (trying to act like I don't care but I do). I will talk to him about it and see how he feels about us trying this method. I'll tell him that we need to do it so I can somehow keep my sanity;-) Ha. Ha.
I don't "think" I know him well enough to love him yet, but I am not looking forward to how more difficult this gets when the emotions become stronger than they already are. We are already afraid of how emotionally involved we are getting. It scares us both how much we care about each other.
You're right...this isn't easy. I just have to concentrate on juggling the good and the bad since we've made a decision to get into this.
THANKS AGAIN FOR THE GREAT INPUT AND SUPPORT!
On top of all this, he just got a promotion so I'll see even less of him at work. Again, irrationally, I'm thinking of how much more time his W will get to spend with him than I wll!! I know it's crazy!! If someone has a great suggestion for getting over this part I'd love to hear it!!
TA
Edited 6/1/2004 10:43 pm ET ET by charlotte1203
Ya know, I think often of the things I wish I were there to do for him to help him out with on a daily basis because I know she doesnt help him. I'd like to pick up his daughter from school or make sure his favorite snacks are in the freezer or all the little stuff a woman should do for her man...
I dont get jealous when I see them together because I love him enough to know what is and what isnt reality for us and just seeing him with her and smiling gives me more pleasure than pain. I would honestly have a harder time knowing he was with her and not enjoying himself than I have knowing he's with someone other than me the other days of the weeks.
Keep it real...best you can do...
Liberal
everyone must remember to keep it real. jealousy is natural. but remember, reality just is....
take care all,
gurl
Karry
Karry - - who is learning to embrace life on her own raising her miracle, Carley Paige
I take it your OM is single too. I feel like I have to play it cool and not show any emotion. I don't want to come off as being possessive of him. I am not available to him and never will be. My OM just happens to be my husband's best friend. How stupid can I be? So even though my marriage is unhappy and I think I am heading towards a D we will never be together. This man is also my daughter's godfather and my sister is married to his brother. Talk about consquences if anyone ever found out. Yet I can not stay away from him. When we spend time together it is wonderful. I can't get enough of hime and I have let myself fall in love with OM. I still don't know how it happened.
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