i'm having an affair
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i'm having an affair
| Tue, 08-12-2003 - 4:09pm |
I have been married for 11 years to a wonderful man.He's not perfect of course but he he a very loving caring person.I know he loves me and our kids very much.He is a family man all the way.We have always had a pretty good marrige with the typical ups and downs of course.I know I should feel blessed to have found such a good husband but for some reason I'm not.I am having an affair with a married man and just can't seem to stop it.This guy is not someone I would leave my husband for but I really do enjoy being with him.He is my supervisor at work.I don't want to leave my husband but I'm just not in love with him anymore.I do love him though,and I know that he deservs alot better then me.I have went to counseling over depression because of this.It seemed to help but not for long.I have tryed to get the flame I once had for him but it doesn't seem to be coming back.I feel good that another man is showing me attention.I have always had a pretty low selfesteem about myself and that's my excuse.Not very good huh?Anyway I just can't seem to stop having an affair,but I do want to.I feel so bad to do this to my husband and my kids.I know this would totally hurt my husband if he knew.I have no reason to be unhappy but for some reason I am.I hope someone can makes since out of this,but As you can see I'm not to good with writng words on computer.Can anyone give me a bit of advice?I know I am a lousy person and mother for doing this but I still do it.It's so hard trying to keep this from my husband,his wife and the people we work with.I don't really think he would leave his wife for me,for she is alot prettier then me.We asked each other why we are doing this and we both had no clue.Am I confused or what?Please someone HELP me find a solutin!

You say that your H doesn't communicate very well -- but do you communicate with him? If you want to be happy in your marriage, then you need to figure out what you can do to improve your M. Does he know that you are not happy? Would you be willing to try couples counseling with your H? Can you identify the problems you see in your M? Is the habit of everyday? Do you argue? Are your bored? Do you feel that he doesn't listen?
From your first post, you mentioned that you have low self esteem and that you have experienced depression. And MM makes you feel better about yourself...of course, he does. He tells you he desires you, he makes you feel wanted, special, etc...
And maybe that will work for now, but I bet it won't work forever. You need to find something that you can CONTROL that makes you happy. You need to do things for yourself that you enjoy. What do you like to do? Exercise? Crafts? Making food? Whatever it is, you need to find it...
I think a lot of people think they are happy when they are needed, wanted, appreciated, desired, etc. Parents can feel that way about their children. A wife can feel that way about her husband. The only problem is that you can't be certain that the other person will always need/want you in the same way. And when they no longer do, you will not only be disappointed but hurt, too.
I say this because it sounds like you have found your happiness in MM. Be careful. The A may not go on forever, and then where will you be? Work on YOU first. If you want to work on your M, you are going to have to figure what you can control/contribute/take responsibility for in your M.
Hugs to you and keep us posted,
Alameda
Hugs to you