Have you had more than one affair?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Have you had more than one affair?
8
Tue, 08-12-2003 - 4:27pm
Delurking to ask a question. Have any of you had more than one affair? My EMA is fizzling out which is fine. Just getting tired of his excuses and am just not interested anymore. Love my husband, but as a friend, not lover. Not interested in sex with husband. Finding myself attracted to my trainer, not sure if he is back. It is just weird, I didn't think that I would even think about another EMA. Would like to hear your stories.

L

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-12-2003 - 5:58pm
No, never had one before. Although I find myself being attracted to other men, I would not think anymore about it. It is normal to be attracted to other people throughout your life. Doesn't mean you have to do anything more.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Tue, 08-12-2003 - 9:42pm
Short & simple answer to your question... Yes, I've had more than one. :) ~passion
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-12-2003 - 10:54pm
Hi Zamp,

This is my first EMA, and No, I wouldn't have another. I entered this one knowing my M was ending, and that MM's was not good, but also because of *who* my partner is.

Our relationship is great, MM is great...but while I don't "expect" more than what it is, I can't see putting myself in this position again because I do like him too much. Besides, I would be happy to keep the relationship status quo indefinitely.

That's how I feel today!

I have a question for you Zamp, which isn't meant to be judgmental - do you think it is easier to enter an A once a person has been in one? It was quite easy for me to enter my A once we talked about it, but it was difficult to get to the point to admit to MM that I wanted to...partly because of how I thought he may have thought less of me (my character). But of course now I'm in an EMA, I seem to notice the word "affair" in conversations more (more attuned?), and being on this board alone has me realising how prevelant A's really are. I wonder if that aspect, the societal pressure, is less of an issue when one has already been in an A.

No matter what happens - I hope you're happy Zamp. Be sure to keep us posted!

Meow

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Wed, 08-13-2003 - 11:02am
I remember you from a while ago, hope things are well.

To answer your question, yes I think it is easier to enter in an affair once a person has been in one. I was crazy scared with my OM, but once we had that initial contact things were easier and that my heart is now not into him. And I find too that affairs are very prevelant with women. I can't believe how much I hear about them. Me, it was that I am not/wasn't attracted to my husband anymore and we were having a hard time with things, which is better now. I am actually looking at him in a different light now -- now that things are fizzling out with my OM. I think that if I were single, my relationship with OM probably wouldn't have lasted. I actually had coffee with OM this morning which I haven't seen him since June 1st it just isn't really there anymore. I think he has blown me off way too many times, but it is okay. I think now I am seeking just the physical part and not emotional -- OM wasn't very thoughtful/mindful of me and I think that turned me off over time. I am nervous that I find myself attracted to other men though. I wish I could be to my husband, but I am just not.

Yes, I think it is less of an issue once someone has been in an affair with society. It seems to be so commonplace, society doesn't seem to blink an eye.

Hope you are having fun with your MM.

L

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Wed, 08-13-2003 - 12:56pm
This is my first affair. I've been married 17 years, with H for a total of 20. And no...I would NEVER do this again. My OM is a dear friend to whom I've been attracted since I met him, over a year and a half ago. Through daily contact and intimate conversations (I cried on his shoulder all spring about my M), I began to feel things that weren't just friendship, no matter how hard I tried to channel it into that. Once I was sure of where my M was (down the tubes), *then* I gave myself permission to act on the attraction to OM, and not before.

This is a damned difficult life to lead and I would never choose to do it again. In future relationships - hopefully with OM, but if not, with others - I will, first, be better at communicating problems so they don't get as hopeless as the ones in my marriage did. Secondly, I will be stronger about getting out when I need to and not hanging on in the hopes of 'what if'. If I can follow these two lessons that I've learned from the failure of my marriage, then it should make having another affair in my life very unlikely.

I know how hypocritical this sounds, but, having affairs is downright disrespectful and in violation of most marriage covenants. By many people's standards, it's flat out wrong, although I know I can't say that taking the leap with OM was wrong. He's been such a gift.

Did that answer it? Or did I answer it too much? lol!

Lucky

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Wed, 08-13-2003 - 2:30pm
my first affair with my ex-mm when l was 22 he was 27 at timewe lived next door to his family.we were together almost 2 years. then moves never state like he has. forward 13 later on feb 19 1999 my ex -mm came back to me but his time we e-mail from feb 19 1999 to july 24 2001 then he broke up with me again. but my ex--mm said to me what share together was so special to him,now l have never very special mm he also lives in never state.lm sinngle and yes l try to be with single men l through met nice single man he rather someone us .l want my mm he is better man.yes he loves me and love him so much to. he much older then me but age just number lm 40 now my mm is 70 he doesn't look or act his age hugs kim
kimmy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 08-13-2003 - 2:32pm
This is my second EMA. The first one my DH was the OM and I was married to H#1...I dont regret it because it allowed me to see what I was missing in a life partner. My life and my marriage are much happier now and although Im cheating again, it's always been about love. Sometimes I really question the covenant of marriage and what exactly violates it. I feel so blessed to have two men who I can love and who both love me in return. Im not sure where I will spend my destiny but I know where I belong while Im here on earth, that's with my DH but I must admit any freetime I enjoy sharing with my OM...

Liberal

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2003
Wed, 08-13-2003 - 10:07pm
No, No, No, No..... I could never bear the pain of another affair..... it is awful..... I love him so much, but the pain is greater than anything I've ever suffered.

ns