Do I hold it back?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2003
Do I hold it back?
7
Wed, 08-13-2003 - 9:14am
So last week I went on an overnight trip with MM. We had a great time, as usual. However, at the end of the night, he told me that he had fallen completely in love with me. I responded by saying, I'm sorry but I can't say the same. I know I made him feel bad b/c he said he shouldn't have said it. The problem is, I DO feel the same but I am holding out b/c I don't want to get hurt. I am single and when this A ends, I'm going to be the one left holding the baggage, not him. He has his lovely wife and family to fall back on. I am still searching for "The One"...although, over the past few months (since I've been seeing MM), I haven't given any SINGLE guy a viable chance.

My dilemma comes down to this: Am I depriving myself of feeling love if I don't admit it to myself, least of all him, that I am in love? Or am I on the right track by holding back and fighting it off due to the situation I am in?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Wed, 08-13-2003 - 9:41am
Can't say if it's right or wrong that you hold back. What I can say is that I wish MM & I had never exchanged "I love you" & "I'm in love with you." Perhaps if those words were never spoken we would've ended it long ago & I wouldn't always be in pain.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2003
Wed, 08-13-2003 - 9:48am
Are you single Kira?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2002
Wed, 08-13-2003 - 1:15pm
Let's see. . . if the indicator light on the dashboard of your car tells you the car is overheating, and you punch it out so you don't have to see it, does that mean the car *isn't* overheating?

Fool yourself, if you like. But since you're obviously not succeeding with that, why not take a look at the reality. If you want to be with him, be with him and accept the consequences by loving him for as long as it lasts. If you want a single guy, move on. But don't play silly games, with yourself or with him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2003
Wed, 08-13-2003 - 3:07pm
I tend to agree. I cannot imagine how disappointed I would be if I said, "I am completely in love with you," and the other person said, "sorry, but....", especially when that other person knows that they really DO feel the same way, and it SEEMS that way. What good does "holding back" do you? You feel what you feel.

But what strikes me in all of this is the tragedy that lurks behind the scenes - the unsuspecting "lovely wife" to whom you believe he will return when the affair is over. Do you REALLY actually BELIEVE that their marriage escapes unscathed, and that your MM will carry no baggage? That's a bit narcissistic of you, dontcha think? YOU are not the only one who will carry baggage as a result of this affair. It will be carried by both you, the MM and his wife, whether she knows it or not. You really ought to stop being so self-absorbed and recognize that your actions (NOT YOUR FEELINGS) affect others in deep and profound. Your feelings can't hurt ANYONE though, so you might as well enjoy them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Wed, 08-13-2003 - 8:20pm
Dani,

Love, real love, is a rare and beautiful gift. If you really love him, let him know. I waited a long time to tell my MM that I loved him. I waited until he said it first, but had he asked me, I would have never denied my love for him.

JMHO

Hugs

Rh

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Wed, 08-13-2003 - 8:40pm
when my mm first told me l love didn't know what to say l was so surprise. but he know how much really love him now. if really love him tell your mm sweetie. feels so good wehn know when man loves you. l feel so luckly ahve this special man in my life all this time. hugs kimmy
kimmy
Avatar for prettyribbons4u
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2003
Wed, 08-13-2003 - 9:14pm
dani, you are doing the exact same thing I did just a few weeks ago. My MM had told me that he had feelings for me though he never would come out and actually say the word love, he tiptoed all around it. I told him that I didn't want to talk about my feelings with him or anyone else, and that I would keep them to myself. I wasn't nasty about it, just backed way off for a few weeks in which time he became a total a**hole, so much so that I cried several days knowing I should have told him that I too had feelings for him. Which finally, I did and we had a big open conversation whereas I realized just how much we were thinking alike about everything it seemed. Later, about a week I guess we had again brought up feelings and such and I told him and it was like a huge relief to me. It wouldn't have mattered to me if he said it back or not (he did) cause I told him whether I ever talked to him again (if I scared him off) I still wanted him to know that I did love him and always would. I think this is how I know I really do love him, cause I didn't "expect" him to say it in return, I was alright knowing that I loved him. Anyway, I say to tell him, guys have feelings too just like us and they want to feel loved too, just like us. It'll probably make you feel sooooo much better when you do, I know at least it made a world of difference to me and for our relationship as well.

Good Luck and {{hugs}}