Does anyone else ever feel like this????

Avatar for prettyribbons4u
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2003
Does anyone else ever feel like this????
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Wed, 08-13-2003 - 3:20pm
I am sooo aggravated right now I don't know what to do. I haven't talked to MM all day and only once for just a few minutes yesterday. Sometimes, I just get so pissed off and today is one of those days. Me and MM have been getting along since we had our discussion about the feelings we have for one another and said the 'love' word. Here's the problem, there are days that I talk to him nearly all day (between his customers) off and on and then there are days like today....when I haven't heard a word out of him...not even a text message. << I think 'well, he IS at work and he's probably busy...but still, nothing at lunch, nothing all day...am I just being a baby???? I mean I know when he has his employees close by, (on the days that he's not alone) he rarely has ever called, but still...I think, can he not go into his office and simply text me a message on these days?? He has been SOOOO wonderful about calling at least once a day even when he has his employees there (at lunch, etc) just to 'talk a minute or two' usually, but he's making the effort..right? So, I shouldn't be pissed because one day passes and I haven't been able to talk to him. << Then again, I haven't been able to talk to him this entire week. We were together Friday night, I got a little upset because sometimes try as I may I just feel like a prostitute or something of the sort...he told me we had to make the time we have together work for now and that he loved me and things had been f****ed up for him for some time now but that he knew he loved me, etc. I didn't get to talk to him Saturday because H was off and here all day but he called me several times Sunday on my cell before I was able to get back to him, he was sooooo sweet and said he just knew I was mad at him about friday night, etc. I didn't talk to him but just a few minutes as he was headed home when I got back in touch with him, then Monday..I only talked to him a few minutes, yesterday..he called at lunch for just a minute then again as he drove by the walking track where I walk on his way home from work to tell me how good I looked, etc. This morning, I saw him again on his way to work...but he didn't even call even for a few minutes to say hi...this really pissed me off because normally he would on any other occasion when he has seen me. Sometimes, I swear I feel like he does it on purpose, like yesterday not calling until 2:40...knowing that H has been coming home at 3:00. I try my very, very best not to show I'm perturbed at him as I don't want to come off sounding like I have to speak to him every minute of every day....yet......I feel like if I don't say 'something' then, he'll just think it's okay to do me however...does anyone else ever feel like this? I mean, I don't want him to think I'm totally sitting here waiting on his call.....(I really am, but will only admit that to you girls here on the board..lol) I feel like, well...if he doesn't make an effort to at least call and speak today, he's off tomorrow...I usually never get to talk to him on his off days...though, really I don't know why? I mean during the summer I knew he had his oldest boy with him, but now he just has the 2 year old when he's off. I swear I feel as if I'm doing all the running, all the lying and he's just benefiting from it all, the only thing I don't do...is I very rarely call him, I usually let him do all the calling, which to me seems only fair as I'm doing all the running. He acts like he can't leave his house for any reason once he gets off work (we usually meet each other at his work place after he closes) He acts scared to death sometimes, dang...this is driving me nuts, someone please tell me if you've experienced anything similiar!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Wed, 08-13-2003 - 3:26pm
wow - you get to talk to your MM more than I get to talk to mine and I WORK with mine!!!

I may just be crazy cause I normally side with my girls but you need to chill alittle! Sounds like he is putting as much effort into it as he can - and more than most MMs - wish I could get a Friday night! :(

Well - hope you get the support you need from others cause I just think you need to chill alittle! :(

Avatar for prettyribbons4u
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2003
Wed, 08-13-2003 - 3:36pm
I know I do...I guess I just get all this emotions going on and I get unsure of everything and don't even know why, can't even explain it really. I guess I get 'used' to him doing something for a while, then when he changes for any reason, it really freaks me out. Anyway, thanks for the upfront post, it actually helped...a little.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2003
Wed, 08-13-2003 - 3:56pm
You are definetely not alone. I saw my OM last night. After a year of this affair he knows me and knows how I just need to hear from him at least on the "days after" but of course our contact varies on his schedule, etc. You would think he was the married one!! Unfortunately when it does call it is at the worst times. But today not a word from him....and to think I really have been wowing him lately!! Hang in there!!

Karry

Karry - - who is learning to embrace life on her own raising her miracle, Carley Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2003
Wed, 08-13-2003 - 4:04pm
OMG! I was just about to post this same thing. I work with my MM and I freak out when he gets busy and doesn't pay attention to me. I was just about ready to write him off forever when I was walking out the door and he stopped me. He told me he was sorry work was so busy for him and that we missed going out to lunch this week, he has off until monday or tues. I was beside myself, so hurt and angry and he told me to call him this weekend so that we can get together, he would just tell his W he was going on a service call - a server went down or something, and that he didn't care if she bitched or not. Then he told me to stop thinking I'm bothering him because he really does want me to be a part of his life in whatever capacity I can. So of course my heart was fluttering again. So far it is just a deeply emotional ema - we both know that ic is going to happen but until then... I waited on a bed of nails.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2003
Wed, 08-13-2003 - 4:35pm
My irritation at not hearing from him is what drives me the craziest...well that and all the manipulating and guilt I feel..lol...if I don't laugh, I think I will cry....

I know that he is busy but boy he has a way of pulling my strings. I am leaving for a weeks vacation (with H's family of all things...) and he talks about how much he is going to miss me but of course not enough to spend all the time he can with me right now!! Very frustrating. And I swear he is psycho...I mean psychic...in that he can tell when I am pulling away from him and then he ups his contact with me a little. It is such a viscous cycle!! Oh I wish I had a crystal ball to tell me how this would all go....and I promise if I did I would let you all borrow it!!

Karry

Karry - - who is learning to embrace life on her own raising her miracle, Carley Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2003
Wed, 08-13-2003 - 4:54pm
Hey prettyribbons...

I had not heard from you I was getting worried...glad to know your ok.

Well I know not OK right now but your in contact on here.

Im sorry to hear whats going on with your MM. That is frustrating. I get mad when I dont here from my MM and he calls me every morning and if he can at lunch and thats when I get mad if he doesnt...i just dont say anything..lately he does not call me right after work but he calls in the evening and late at night. It just bothers me waiting for him to call. I can call him but I prefer not to. The few times I have his W has gotten my messages and thats a whole different thing I gotta talk about!!

But you know at least he did call late but he did...things come up especially with work.

I hope things get better.

Hugs - Sandy

Avatar for prettyribbons4u
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2003
Wed, 08-13-2003 - 8:35pm
Karry, I totally agree about having to hear from MM on the 'day after' also!! So far, he has always called at least for a minute when he could but it still sometimes irritates me soooo badly because on the day he knows he wants me to come see him...well, we can talk ALLLLL day long that day, ya know what I mean? Even though I do know that on those days that I do go see him, he is always working alone which usually means the next day his help will be there, but still...sometimes it such a big difference. I just sorta grin and bear it cause I don't want to appear like a psycho that needs to be talked to every second, I feel like sometimes I'll just explode though!! I didn't hear a single thing out of him today...I think this is the first day that's he's ever NOT called at all, and I really am sorta pissed...whether it's right or wrong.
Avatar for prettyribbons4u
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2003
Wed, 08-13-2003 - 8:43pm
haley,

I'm really glad to know that I'm not the only one that feels this way at times!!!! My MM always says he was swamped, had been soooo busy, etc. I think well....he is at work, and I know what it's like to get so busy you can't eat...but then again, I think "he could've called on his way to make his deposit...at lunch...he could text me if nothing else...how long does that take?? Like tonight..he gets off work at 6:00 and usually is on his way home around 6:30. My best friend and I walk every night on a track right on the same road he travels to go home....he rides right beside us each night if we make it there on time. Tonight, he rode by and I saw him as he passed give me our little secret 'wave' but I thought...I haven't talked to you all day...you could call NOW, on your way home...he could send me a text, but did he? No, of course not. And he's done that PLENTY of times before, so why wouldn't he tonight?? He's off tomorrow, I probably won't get to talk to him at all and really don't know if I will the rest of the week as I know he has people working with him on Friday until closing too. He'll have to work this weekend, but my H will be home. I feel like an idiot for freaking out like this, but it's like my back is against the wall. If I tell him I don't like it, then I look like I'm totally obsessive and if I act like it doesn't bother me...then it gives him free rights to keep doing it over and over, ya know what I mean?

Avatar for prettyribbons4u
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2003
Wed, 08-13-2003 - 8:55pm
hey sandy,

yeah, I'm around, just lurking mostly. I haven't seen you on yahoo lately. It is soooo frustrating and yet at the same time, I think I'm just being a baby about the whole thing. I'm just like this though...don't start calling me talking when you know you want some again...ya know? Cause, it'll be out of the question for sure. I usually hear from MM every day at least for a minute but not a word today. And I saw him twice, once this morning and then again this evening when he got off work, wasn't like he couldn't have sent me a text. I don't call him at all and sometimes I think...well, maybe he feels the same as me, then again...I hate it if he does, cause like I told him once the sex started, I don't call anymore. That's in his hands now, I'm just not like that, though I will return a call to him. My best friend (the only person I've told anything about the whole affair) really nags at me too. Like tonight she kept saying, how pissed she would be. She said he could find 1 minute in his day, even if he had to go to the bathroom to send me a text if nothing else << she knows how he was "before" the sex started and believe me...it didn't matter to him then if he was busy or not, he was gonna find the time. I'm not saying he doesn't now....I guess I just get used to his way of doing something then if he changes in the least bit I get ticked off. I've got to think of a way to NOT seem at all like anything is wrong when I talk to him again (whenever that is) as he is off tomorrow, BUT at the same time I want to tell him I'm busy or whatever.....and hang up in a perfectly good mood, etc., but then...I think I'm not gonna talk to him for a few days...show him how it feels. Cause like I said in the other posts, if I act po'd then he'll know he has me right where he wants me...(like he doesn't know that already) << my friend says she thinks he does it on purpose...to keep me hanging on every now and then on purpose...does that make sense? I do know he's a big believer in giving a little at a time to keep someone coming back (he's told me this!! even about sex, emails etc....) << and it gets me everytime!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2003
Thu, 08-14-2003 - 8:16am
I know exactly what you mean. And you know they really do this on purpose. There are days when we can't keep our eyes off of eachother, we sit there staring into eachothers eyes and smiling at eachother like school kids and we can talk for hours about everything, and then the next day - he throws himself into his work. And makes it so that he is unavailable for lunch. Oh and the other day,when we went to lunch we sat in the car talking and when I let him out(my door handle is messed up from the inside)he sat there staring and smiling at me, then he started brushing stuff off of me and I grabbed his hand and he held mine for a minute and we both almost lost it. The next day he was trying to be cool all day. He told me I think I could very very easily fall in love with you, and that makes me really sad because you're M and not going to leave your H. And what is really weird is that while we've come extremely close to I/C we haven't even kissed yet, I back away or just hug him. Now I'm thinking if we do continue this could get seriously intense.

Try to hang in there. And definitely tell him how you feel, I'm not saying to scream and yell and go psycho or anything just tell him you really hate it when he forgets to call. Tell that you love to hear his voice and that it makes your day or something like that, men love when you compliment them. BTW how much older is your MM than you?

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