Confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Confused
3
Thu, 08-14-2003 - 8:48am
Well MM told his W that he was leaving last night. She came to him the night before and told him, that she was not happy with their marriage. So, he finally told her that he was leaving. I don't know all of the details of the conversation, but I do know that she was not happy.

Most of you, probably none of you know my story. After being with this man on and off for 15 years, my story could actually be on the best seller list.

I can't get to excited because MM has left home 3 times before. Each time going back for a different reason. I'm kinda pissed just a little, and here's why. The last time he went home, was very, very emotional for me. He told me at the time, that he informed his W, he wasn't there to stay. Which I believe was a lie. This is what I believed to happened. I believe that he begged and pleaded for her to take him back. Promising that things would be different this time around. Which lead her to believe that, they would start to work on their M problems.

I know you guys don't know all the history between MM and his W, but I do. That is the only thing that explains her being pissed that he is leaving again. I just posted the other day about "Trust Issues", and I truly don't trust MM. He lies, just to be lying. He cheated on his W, and one of those times he was seperated from his W, I started finding women's phone numbers, and seeing this 1 woman's name on his caller ID. Yes, I was looking for proof that he was seeing other women. So, I don't have a lot of confidence in this man.

I have put so much effort into trying to make this relationship work. I'm tired, and could really care less what happens, at this point.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
In reply to: secretluver
Thu, 08-14-2003 - 9:27am
Secret,

I will say it again: 15 years is too long to wait for anyone...and from your posts, you are clearly not happy with MM. What are you getting out of this relationship????

Have you and MM discussed what will happen between the two of you if he truly Ds? What are your and his expectations for the future? Is it living together, marriage, dating, breaking up?

You even said yourself he has shown interest in other women before -- do you think if he Ds he will want to be tied down to one woman -- let's face it, it doesnt sound like he is too great at marriage...

My guess is that MM sees you as a loving, dependable, 'always there' kinda woman -- Does that do any justice to your situation? If it does, what would he do if you said 'enough is enough -- no more lies, promises, etc -- yes, I love you, but I am tired of waiting for you...'

Honey, find your strength because you need it. We will support you!

Hugs,

Alameda






iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2003
In reply to: secretluver
Thu, 08-14-2003 - 9:33am
Secret....

OK I am just going to add my two cents in here and I am sorry if it comes off hurtful...this is not my intention....

What are you doing with a man you can't trust? I mean it sounds like to me that he even cheated on you! It is one thing to do it to his W with you...but to cheat on you with someone else? I would not trust him either. I understand how an A can happen...and how you can be unhappy or whatever it is to have an EMA...but to have an A with someone else on top of all that? That makes no sense to me....sounds like he will never leave his W...he may for a while to be with other people...but I don't believe he is EVER going to be faithful to anyone....This is just my two cents so take it for what it is worth!

If you are unhappy and cannot trut him then why put yourself though all that...you are better than that! OK I will get off my soap box!

I am sorry if I said anything hurtful...JMO! Red

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: secretluver
Thu, 08-14-2003 - 10:04am
Yes, MM and I, have talked about what we expect after he D his W. I don't see myself as waiting for MM. Ten years out of the 15 I was married myself, when MM and I first started this EMA I was single, and dated quite a few guys. I don't consider myself waiting, for this reason, I would date other people.

I think one of the reasons that I stick so closely to MM, is because there has been no one else. In the last 4 years that I have been D, there have been 2 guys approach me. Well guess what both were married. And, I don't want to go down that road again. Is there something about me that says "I date M M"? To be honest, it's nice to have someone to go out with on occassion, someone to talk to. To make a long story short, I'm with MM, because there is no one else.

Honestly, I do agree, MM is not M material. I guess I'm a liar too. Leading MM to believe I want a life with him, when I can't trust him. I just don't think he will change.