Update to my post from 2 wks ago, lost

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Update to my post from 2 wks ago, lost
3
Thu, 08-14-2003 - 10:02am
Deleted.


Edited 6/3/2004 9:25 am ET ET by boston53
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2003
Thu, 08-14-2003 - 10:24am
HI boston,

I read your post last time but didn't respond as I thought the ladies here were giving you good advice in telling you to move on. It sounds a bit different now. I think you did the right thing in letting her know how you feel. It sounds as if she still has feelings for you. Can she get in touch with you? Does she have your number, email, etc? If so, I would give it some time and let her think about it all more. If she is feeling for you what you feel for her, I think she will get in touch with you. If not, maybe extend a last branch - let her know how to reach you and that if she ever wanted to discuss it further, you will be there. But other than that, I really don't think there is much you can do.

Also, if you are willing to have an afair with this woman - please think it through. You are obviously very deeply in love with this woman, and I think everyone here can attest to how difficult dealing with all the emotions can be. It might be too much for you given how you feel about her. Can you truly deal with maybe loving her more than she loves you? (If that were the case)?

I feel for you, and I wish you luck! Let us know what happens.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Thu, 08-14-2003 - 10:37am
Hi Boston and welcome back,

I'm sorry that you are still experiencing so much grief...well, you are asking how to initiate as EMA more or less...hmmm. You have told her how you feel, and she was clearly moved by it. But she told you that the timing is off. She is newly married, probably happily married at that...

I think you have 4 options:

1. you can reapproach her (she's newly married and may not be interested in an A)

2. you can wait for her to come back to you (she has told you she doesn't want contact)

3. yes, as hard as it may be, you can move on (it will be hard, but you can do it)

4. you can do nothing and keep torturing yourself with these thoughts...

No one will tell you what to do, but it sounds like you have chosen option #4...the others might be scary, but in my mind, they are a hell of a lot better than 4.

You have little contact with her, and as a result, it sounds like you are obsessing about her. She is perfect in your eyes, and as long as you have her in your head, she can do know wrong. Everything that plays out between the two of you will seem important, meaningful. Do you find yourself fantasizing about scenarios with her (not just sexual here)? Try to keep perspective, and look at the circumstances for what they are. Try not to read too much into EVERY little glance, smile, etc.

Good luck, boston, and keep us posted!!

Alameda

(By the way, I'm a sucker for green eyes, too! Maybe if you catch her on a sunny day with sunglasses, she won't be such a heartbreaker...LOL!)

Avatar for prettyribbons4u
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2003
Thu, 08-14-2003 - 11:21am
Boston, I too read your post from last time and really felt for you. I kinda agreed before that maybe you should move on and I guess that's why I didn't post because I knew you probably didn't want to hear that anyways. It sounds like though this woman really cares for you too. I don't understand though why she married so quickly?? Anyways, she probably is going through torment also and my best advice to you would be to follow your gut instinct. No one on here knows exactly what's going on with you or her...for instance, when she told you that you were dumb and that you had her heart all along...you were there to see her face, hear her voice and really know what she meant...and you do know, somewhere inside of yourself you know if she was being sincere and having regrets of her own also. In my opinion, it was a good thing that she even considered meeting you, right...I mean, she didn't "have" to do that, and probably wouldn't have....if she was all that happy????? It tells me that she does have feelings for you, because why else would a newly married woman want to meet up with someone she had a one night stand with,, hope that makes sense to you. I would say go after her, but that's just my opinion. At that point, she'll make her mind up one way or the other...it's better than not ever knowing, right? I know she's married and I'm not saying I would start up an affair with her, even though we are all on this board for that very reason....I just think you shouldn't sell yourself short, don't let her start off believing that an affair would always make you happy...because the truth is, you'd always want more..eventually anyway. You sound like a really nice guy and we should all be so lucky as to have someone like you chase us at least once in a lifetime. Good Luck and let us know how it goes...I'll be thinking of you!!