Everyone please read... and respond!?
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Everyone please read... and respond!?
| Thu, 08-14-2003 - 11:20am |
I keep reading how some of these As go on for years and years but they must have breaks dispersed through out right? I mean an A that goes on for 13 years - that must have like a big old break in there somewhere yeah? and obviously you don't see each other daily I mean that would be a WHOLE nother relationship to tend to - how could you do that day in day out? So, it must be like see each other once a year or something right? Just wondering how these As can go on for so long!?
Mine lasted 4 months - and now I'm faced with it being over - and yet I could see it going on indefinitely if I don't break the tie NOW! I mean WHY would I want it to go on that long and if I got away from it through a "break" why would I ever go back to it?
Just looking for some wise thoughts on this! ;)

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*Yes*, it is a whole other relationship that we nurture in addition to the ones with our spouses and children. Humans are capable of limitless love, if they will only stop imposing barriers on themselves - barriers like artificial rules about how you should feel or selfishness about what they expect to get back from loving someone. How else could a parent love every one of his/her children?
We hope our relationship will last for years - the rest of our lives, if we're lucky. We care for each other like we care for our spouses, and we both give a lot of ourselves to each other and our spouses. It does take effort and it is not always easy, but the good things in life - especially good relationships with your loved ones - never are.
see ya,
gurl
OM and I are both comfortable in our situation, Im married and he's commited. However, in all reality we are both likely to have times where we simply need to take a break for life events such as his marriage and my starting a family. Its just bound to happen and I think we both recognize that. What I dont know is how dealing with those life events will affect each of us. I cant tell you how I will feel when his wedding day is set and the clock is ticking, let alone that day. Or how he will feel when I tell him Ive decided to try to have a baby or when the baby is born and my time is even more limited. Granted a break will likely be in order. I would like to think our love would bring us back when the time is right but like all good things, most end...but, I think ending things to avoid a future heartbreak isn't living your life...
Liberal
as for breaks and changes -- that is a natural progression in one's life. his marriage will of course take time out of the A just for the fact of planning and executing a wedding, the event, the honeymoon, etc. and the probable guilt he'll develop because he is just married but wants to be with you at the first opportunity. and likewise when you start a family. trying to conceive, being pregnant, having the baby, getting acclimated to the baby's schedule and all that will inevitably cause you to take a break because having a baby is hard, time-consuming, rewarding work!
hopefully you will continue to enjoy your EMA. you (or he) will leave it when it's no longer fun and/or becomes hurtful to you or others.
take care,
gurl
I've been in my EMA for just over 3 years now... and although we have never declared any feelings in there... I feel our relationship just keeps getting stronger and stronger. We are both married and neither of us want an out from our marriage... we understand one another, have a great respect for each other and the biggest and most important of all... we do not place any demands on the other.
I originally started this relationship purely for the sex... but over time we have been through numourouse life experiences that I feel have brought us closer. When I meet MM he was involved with a SOW (which I won't got into detail as it's complex) and his wife had just become pregnant with their second child. He was in emotional turmoil... he was in love with the OW but would never ever leave his wife and family for someone else... he had a child on the way that he wasn't sure he wanted... he was going through a lot. I stepped up and supported this man the best I could... and in all his turmoil... he supported me through my own marriage problems... and also the separation and divorce of my parents. Why he ever got involved with me with all in his life I still wonder about... why take another risk??
Anyway... we become strong friends... we dealt with DH discovering our affair... the breakup of his other... and then a little later my own pregnancy with my second child. It was during this that my feelings for him... to me... become apparent. My DH had always taken a step back from intimacy while pregnant... although a little better this time he still distanced himself... MM didn't and he was very gentle and I saw a different side to him... and that did it for me.
It's not easy working on two relationships... but I feel it can be done... as long as you don't sacrifice one for the other and make demands on either one... both relationships need to be nurtured. I have yet to take a break from MM... in all that we've been through... while maybe not having any physical contact we have remained in touch with constant emails keeping each other up to date on what's going on in our lives.
It can be a hard balance to obtain... but I think and hope that I've found it and at this stage I don't have any intentions of ending my EMA.
Hope that's given you food for thought.
luv and hugs
Sweet
Sweet
Co-Community Leader My
Hugs
RH
I'm really getting worried that once we don't work together it will be EXTREMELY hard to find time for each other! :( I hate the thought of not seeing him daily - even if there is no true contact between us! Email will never be good for us and I will have a hard time calling him if I don't know "where" he is (I do NOT call him when I know he's with W).
I guess I figure the average is once a month and that just doesn't work for me - I need to see him more than that! I NEED TO! :) LOL
Angel
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