Im so confused about MM advise pls...
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| Thu, 08-14-2003 - 3:51pm |
Brief intro..I have been with my MM 6months...started as friends then A. When I met him his W was pregnant she had her baby in May..MM says he loves his baby girl but not for that will he stay with W. He just got hired on full time at a school he is a teacher so he was waiting for the school year to start in order to get a job and depend on himself...he just graduated now he is working on his masters. He has only really lives with W a little over a year and he asked her to leave or for him to leave and she asked to try it out..he did..she stopped BC and got pregnant...so he asked her after the baby he was unhappy and wanted to leave..she wants marriage counseling he does not. W is very needy calls him constantly. Now I have her calling me she knows we are friends..I met her last week actually MM and I got caught. We were suppose to meet for a baseball game and she got the message before he did and came to our meeting place...nice woman we met I said hi and she said she does not know why MM lies..I said thats between you and him. He had told her that only my sis bf was going. I said it was just a last minute thing H was not aware. Anyhow she got upset we still went. She thinks we are only friends or lets say thats what she wants to believe becuase its obvious we are not. She called me to apologize for sneaking up on me like that but she does not know whats wrong with H. I am a fair woman I said I told her you do what makes you happy and she told me she loves H and even if he does not and he wants a D she wants to try to work it out. She said people are putting things in her head...the only advise I gave her was YOU cant listen to other people do what you think is right and if you love him try to work things out. I told her I had asked her H if I should not call him anymore and I should backout and she asked me what he said...I said he told me NO. I told W if you want me to back away becuase you think I am a problem in your M you need to talk to H and let him know how you feel and ask him to tell me to leave and I will. She said she has and he says that he really likes me and enjoys spending time with me...so then she tells me if he likes you more then me becuase it seems you spend more time with him then keep him. I told her it was not like that...they had issues to clear up.
I mean I left a message Sunday night on his cell phone not a nice one we were suppose to meet up and he did not call nor show up so I told him I was not his W - he could have the descency to call me and say he was not coming but dont leave me hangin like that...I said this is sandy im not your wife who takes everything.
Well come to find out his wife got the message and she sent it to his sister...OMG - his sis called to cuz me out...I told her to talk to her brother and she said she was...MM had no clue until I told him and he went off on his sister and his W...so W calls me and says she gets the bad end of everything...I told her I did not appreciate his sister getting involve and cuzzing me out...and besides I was getting hang up calls from MM's phone between 1-2am and it was not MM and I did not appreciate that...she stayed quite. MM said that I guess his W was thinking if family was involved he would back away from me but it was not happening....
So really I dont know what to think to that...I left a message on MM last night and told him that I was plannin on backing away and to let the path clear for his W she loved him and was the mother of his child..i told him please dont bother calling me back...he called me back and said he did not want to let me go...I told him well you cant really please both of us...something needs to happen becuase she is on us and if you want her then go. He tells me NO he loves me.
IM SO CONFUSED...and I do love him...I just dont know....he is not leaving her...he says he will but when...this comes out of him...I have not asked him to leave her and I would not do that...its on him.
too much DRAMA!!

{{hugs}}
OMG - I know the drama...agghhh...Its just I dont know what to think at all...she calls me I mean I dont know if I posted it but she called me a few hours later looking for him...I knew where he was out..I cant believe she did not...he was renting some movies for his girls and them. I know she knows...but she decides to stay...and be in denial im assuming...I just dont understand whats keeping him there. He is rude to her....well around me and according to her all the time..so why is he there and why does she put up with it???
I mean now that he has a job I guess will see...he will have a full paycheck ... and lets see now if that was the issue...money...it could be he does have a two girls well one lives with him...besides the baby....so it would be hard until he has some good savings to walk out. I would think...but he really does not say...actually I have not asked...I dont want him to think I am pressuring him or anything like that. Becuase I dont know if I would want to like move in with him. I would want him to leave but be on his own and see what he wants and for me to see what I want.
Yes I read your other post..how is that coming along?? How are you doing??
You need to walk away from this man and the entire situation. If you truly love him and believe in your heart that he is the one then tell him that and tell him that once he gets his life together(gets D, gets his own place whatever) then can start seeing you again. Make sure you tell him it's not an ultimatum - it's a decision you've made, that you aren't going to live with the drama and sharing a man that you love. And if he truly loves you he will understand and respect your decision. I know it's gonna be hard and I know he's gonna be hurt but he needs to take you out of the equation and do what needs to be done to either mend or end his M. You deserve so much more then what you are experiencing. Do not settle for anything less or you will end living a miserable life like his wife is now.
How was your weekend?? I have not seen you on messenger..im on now!!
I know what you mean about ur MM...I guess that was kinda wrong how it was said...but men are cocky and usually when they say something like that you know its them wanting to see you!! I just agree!! Let them have a big head!!
But I know you dont want him to think your waiting around on him and desperatly wanting to see him even if we are!! Just play non-chalant!!
Hard but it works most of the time!!
I have had much more drama girl...he came over friday and told me he asked her for a divorce...totally was not expecting this...see before this he told me sandy please dont leave me after everything im going through please dont...im like what do you mean...and then he said i told W i wanted a D...i was shocked - She said NO but he said yes and then she said how about a seperation...and I told MM maybe that was a good idea...you dont know what you have till its gone...so maybe you might love her and just dont realize it and things might work out...he was like no sandy I dont love her in that way. He said he had told her earlier in the week he did not want to be married but finally brought up the D. This is where we are at..I did not say much...and I left it alone. Dont know what to really say or do....
-Sandy
Anyhow this is where we are at...dont know whats going to happen...im just going to stand back and watch let it go...we are suppose to go out of town this weekend....but dont know if its going to happen...he says yes.
Will just see what happens...I am trying to be strong and let him come to me...I dont bother him at all.
=)
Edited 9/22/2003 2:02:12 AM ET by lexylew
I was shocked myself when he told me he asked her for a D. He said he had been saying the last few weeks he did not want to live with her...but finally said the D. And like your MM's W - she told his daughter..thats so wrong. Do not bring the kids involved. You cannot stay with someone becuase of the kids especially if your unhappy. How do you expect to make anyone happy if you cant make yourself.
I cant believe your MM said he wanted to talk to an attorney...how funny both of ours!! Well my MM has not said anything about talking to an attorney but then again his cousin is one and he did his last divorce about 10yrs ago. So im not sure and im not fixing to say anything. He does keep saying MM (well his name) is going to meet sandys parents. See he has been wanting to meet my family but im like noway till you get your crap together. He kept going on and on with that e even made a song silly him. I just said not until you get your crap together and he just said sandy I am trying to I promise. He said you know your parents want to meet me...I said yes wanting and getting to meet you two different things...its not happening...he says it will!!
Im surprised I have not seen him in 3day since Friday its not like us not to go this long without seeing eachother...well I saw him Friday when he told me the news...Saturday it was my fault I was busy preparing for my sons bday...and Sunday well he left to the casinos with his sister and brother-n-law. And last night he was around my house but I was at the gym...SO I guess its just we have been so busy but still...its wierd...I brought that up this morning and he said yes I know I cant believe that he was like I miss you...he was like but you dont give me any credit...im like your right I dont!!
Hope to see you on Yahoo....Sandy