Is it wrong to not feel guilty?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2003
Is it wrong to not feel guilty?
7
Wed, 09-24-2003 - 12:36pm
I have read many of the posts here, and although the last few months I have done a lot of thinking I still found myself to be confused. At first I thought I felt guilty for having an EMA, who wouldn't? But then I realized that I think its more a case of feeling guilty that I am not feeling guilty. Make sense?

I have no intentions of leaving my H, and when it comes to my OM we have talked and although he says never say never we have made no plans to one day be together. We are happy to have what we can with eachother if it means not disrupting the lives of our loved ones.

My marriage is a good one, however I have always been independent, and as time passed on my H began taking advantage of that and I of his independence and I believe somewhere along the way we forgot to take eachothers needs and desires into account.

My H and I are like Best friends, and yet still there are times when we are very passionate about one another. But again, he has different priorities than mine and would sooner be out snowmobiling or racing than on a romantic weekend with me. So I went on never looking for anything and found OM. And yet I still love my husband and have no guilt for betraying him or are vows.

I am I nuts? LOL

Avatar for stillwingy
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Wed, 09-24-2003 - 12:50pm
deleted


Edited 12/1/2003 9:11:06 PM ET by stillwingy
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2003
Wed, 09-24-2003 - 12:56pm
You know what stillwingy, that is all I needed, to know that I am not the only one! I have tried, I have given it my all, in many cases more than my H. And just as you, I know that it would devestate him to know what is truly going on, but I can't deny that part of me any longer.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-24-2003 - 1:05pm
hey sweet! no nuts here, girl. you've made it clear to your OM (and yourself, it seems) that your EMA is for you, for fun, and does not define your future. i'm all for enjoying what we have, no second-guessing it.

there have been many threads recently about loving two people at the same time. it can be done -- many of us on this board are doing it right now.

enjoy and take care,

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2003
Wed, 09-24-2003 - 1:23pm
Funny you should mention it-Just the other day, I wrote my beloved a love letter saying, in part, that I felt no guilt whatsoever, only joy. Why? Because I deserve this;I deserve to feel this way. I didn't look for, nor did I expect this affair to happen. I haven't seen MM in 38 years!! When this is over, I don't expect it to happen again. My H cheated on me for years, but I'm certainly not doing this for revenge.

I guess I'm doing this because I'm in love, and why would being in love make me feel guilty? I do feel a bit guilty for him though, since he has more to lose than I do-he still has a teenager at home, and is basicallly happily married.

Legs

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Wed, 09-24-2003 - 6:55pm

Hi Sweett and welcome,


You could also ask the question... isn't what we do wrong??? and to any person looking from outside... the general answer would be yes.

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2003
Wed, 09-24-2003 - 9:41pm
Hi sweettendencies,

If it's wrong not to feel guilty then I'm very wrong. I can't believe I don't , but I really don't. Then again I don't know his wife, or what she looks like I think that would make things more complicated. I truly feel that we are two mature adults who found each other irrisistably attracted to each other. Neither of us get our needs met at home and we fulfill each other's wildest dreams. We are not "in love" but we are definitely "in lust" with each other.

If our needs were met at home I don't know that either of us despite our attraction and chemistry would have acted on it. Husbands and wives should fulfill each other's sexual needs!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 09-25-2003 - 10:03am
you just described my life....*wink*

Liberal