Letter to MM
Find a Conversation
| Thu, 09-25-2003 - 8:06pm |
I know we haven't gone all the way yet, and we've both been putting it off trying to do the right thing. We both know that what we have been doing is wrong and we somehow cannot stop it, or refuse to stop.
We've talked about something being wrong with us and our marriages for us to behave in such a way. We both need to tackle that problem. We can't just say, "I'm no good, and something must be wrong with my marriage for me to be doing this, but I don't know what's wrong with my marriage." We both know what's wrong with our marriages. I know mine better than you know it, and you know yours better than I know it. We both know what's wrong with us too. We have to just spit that out and be honest about why we do what we do. I don't like uncertainty.
Let's just be honest with ourselves and each other before we do anything else. Yes, I do enjoy every single second I'm with you, I enjoy YOU totally. In spite of our flaws, I still think of you as a wonderful man. I'm not ready to give you up just yet, but honestly speaking, we will have to break up someday. Just not today, nor tomorrow, nor any day in the near future.
You've mentioned my "wall" several times, and I've told you that it's there for a reason. I'm so tempted to knock it down for you, but I'm afraid and I know you understand that. Can you give me a reason not to be afraid?
I so want to go to a new level with you and let you see the real me behind the wall. It's just that I've built that wall over the years to protect myself from the one person whom I should feel free to share EVERYTHING with, the one person whom I should have that special spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical connection. You know who he is. Now I find myself wanting to tear it down for the prospects of having that with you and the mere fact that I want that scares me to death.
MM, what the hell are we going to do? This thing keeps getting bigger and bigger and more than I ever expected.
You have a lot to think about MM, because I want answers from you. Our conversation from Thursday is NOT over. I'll see you on Monday. Have a great weekend.
Edited 9/26/2003 6:17:47 PM ET by hisgoodgirl

take care,
gurl
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I don't want you to think I'm going against what we've already discussed. I want to stay married to my H and I want you to stay married to your W. I'm just tempted to go to a new level w/you. If that's something you want and are willing to do, then I'm with you. I know we said that we wouldn't get emotionally involved, but we've already started down that road. So, the purpose of this letter is for us to redefine our previously defined "rules and boundaries".
Just wanted to clarify that for you.
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Hisgoodgirl, I must say your letters are inspirational, meaning that it outlines things and topics that I believe must be spoken about between to partners in an EMA. Good Job!
Sweet
He does not visit this board that I know of. I wrote it because it is something I'm going to give to him and discuss with him. I put it here for my own memory and for some input from people who have been where I am.
Girls, I'm afraid of being hurt again. My H has hurt me so many times that I've put up a wall to protect myself. MM detected that wall and has mentioned it several times, now I'm tempted to tear it down because of MM just for MM, but I'm afraid he may hurt me too.
We've become very good friends over the past year, but only spend time during working hours because we work together, very closely together. He sits right next to me and we've spent several hours working alone just the two of us. So you can see how we've gotten to where we are now. I'll post our history later when I have more time.
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