I have to post this somewhere

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
I have to post this somewhere
Fri, 09-26-2003 - 12:08am
and this looks like a good place. I am on leave from work. I've been out almost a month and have about a week left. My absolute best friend is there and I have not seen him since I left. I do talk to him almost every day on line but it isn't the same. He is every girl's dream of a guy- romantic, thoughful, selfless, etc- and he's gorgeous besides. He has done things for me that I have not asked. He'll do anything for me. And I would for him. I miss him SO much. We talk about everything- weather, family, sex, everything. We have never had sex- just talked about it. I only see him at work. There is only one reason we have never had sex. I am married. He hates my dh but he doesn't want to ruin my marriage. He's polite to him because he doesn't want to make things hard on me. I love this guy to pieces. My dh is in the military and leaves for usually no more than 2 weeks at a time. It's been a long time since he's been gone longer than that. But the last time he was gone I didn't miss him at all. In fact when it was time for him to come back I actually dreaded seeing him again. I love my husband. I've been married to him for 12 1/2 years. But a lot of things he does irritate me. Things are much more relaxed when he's not here. My friend has faults as well. I'm not so blind that I can't see them and we don't always agree. But we get along better than my dh and I and he encourages me to better myself where my dh is silent. My dh isn't all bad either. He does things for me now and then and he's very funny. If something were to happen and I were to find myself single right now and started dating my friend, I'm not sure how things would work out. He's not a child person. From what I've heard he has been very good with previous girlfriend's kids but in general he is just not a child person. I have 5 kids. Oh, yeah. The reason I'm on leave from work is I just had my 5th son a month ago. It was an unplanned pregnancy. My dh knows I am good friends with this guy but I doubt he knows how deep the feelings really are. My friend has been counting down the days til I come back. I talked to him today and nearly cried because we talked about how much we missed each other. At the same time he told me not to come back to work because of the things that we have to put up with. He knows it is best for me to be home and that I want to be home with my kids (my oldest son is 11 and he wants me to be home). We talked about alternatives to me coming back to work. That's when he told me how much he missed me. He just doesn't want me to have to deal with what's there. He doesn't want to either. He needs another job. He got his CDL and was looking for a truck driving job- something that wasn't over the road. I so hoped he'd find it, though it meant I wouldn't see him anymore. That's how it is between us. I feel so sad right now because I miss him. If my dh wasn't about to walk in the door I'd cry right now. Our conversation just broke my heart. I'm not sure what would happen if I did find away to quit my job. We would probably remain friends but online. I would probably never see him in person again. I'm not sure what else I want to say. But I do feel better having said what I said. So thank you for listening. I better get out of this before dh comes home. He has homework and will need the computer. I certainly don't want him to see this. Thanks again.

          Tina