Hard to let go of love.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
Hard to let go of love.
12
Fri, 09-26-2003 - 6:58pm
I have been VERY explicit in my feelings and have sobbed in his presence that I can't be 'with' him the way I want to. I have literally BEGGED him to let me go and he flat out refuses. He doesn't stalk me, but he says he will not give me up--meaning our friendship. I have let him know that me being in the friendship will halt me from moving on...and he says he knows how selfish it is of him but that he loves me and is stuck in a rock and a hard place because of his boys. I have no doubt he loves me because I see the way he looks at me..I FEEL it in my bones. But I know we will never be able to be together because he made a promise to someone else before he met me. All I can do is TRY to appreciate the time I can spend with him and TRY to get over the fact that I can't be with the love of my life.

I KNOW I will meet someone else and I know I will be loved again...but I can promise you that noone will ever have my heart the way HE does.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2003
Fri, 09-26-2003 - 7:36pm
I know what you mean. I feel the same way. Things have changed recently between MM and I and I am not sure what is going on. I talked to him earlier this week and he assured me that his feelings about me and about us have not changed. Then he didn't call for two days. I felt better after we talked but still something had changed because I wasn't as upset with him for not calling. I called him this a.m. but he said he was in a meeting could he call me back, I said yes, but you know I really didn't expect him to call. Anyway, he did call and we talked for about ten minutes, then a customer called and he had to go. I won't hear from him all weekend and we will see what happens on Mon.

My head tells me that we will never be together - his kids are very young. There will always be a birthday, an event, a holiday, etc. that will make leaving "not a good time". I can even foresee that once the kids are grown and if I am still around, then their finances will be so intertwined that it would not be practical to get a divorce. But on the other hand, my heart can't let go because he loves me. I know what you mean when you say that you can see it in his eyes. I wish I could explain or somehow put into words everything that is communicated when he looks at me. When we are in a room full of people and he scans the room looking for me, the way his expression changes, softens when we make eye contact. I know he struggles with what he feels is his duty and with what his needs and desires are.

I can't say how long I can continue with the A as it is sooooo hard to be without him. I will always be there for him as his friend - that will never change. I am sure there will come a point where I will tell him that I don't want him to speak of us in the future or for him to tell me that he is in love with me anymore, that we have to take it back to friendship only. I'll always be in love with him, I have been for many, many years, but timing has been our enemy.

I know it is hard, but if he has flat out told you that he will not consider D because of the kids, then you do need to cut off all contact with him until you have moved past this. I'm not going to say that you will ever get over it, but you can move past it. Then it might not be painful for you to resume a friendship with him.

I'm not sure if I have helped you any...but I'm here if you need to talk it out.

saaty

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Fri, 09-26-2003 - 8:54pm
hi girls do l know how you all feel l can see real love my mm has for me in sexy greens .why he looks at me and has special smile he just has for me.this past jan my mm was spending news years eve day with me one night after dinner he was pouring some wine in never glass and he spill it. went over to help clena up this happy part l ask him if he want me to TAKE CARE OF HIM AND HE SAID BIG YES. girls my mm wants me but just cna't be together.l think you all know why me and baby together.meant to say in mm sexy green eyes.yes my mm is 30 years older then but tell what he doesn't look or act his age at all british men look so good to me. and why he talks to me in british accent to me.when he told me yes about taken care of him girls wish seen smile his face he wants me so much god knows how much need him right now. kimmy
kimmy
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Fri, 09-26-2003 - 9:18pm
You cannot let him dictate how you should lead your life. If you think you cannot be in the EMA you should let him know and move on. I think its best for you both to move on considering the fact that you don't feel comfortable being friends after the fact that there can be no future in continuing the relationship. I guess you have to let go and carry on with your life. If it hurts you too much be in the EMA don't be in it. Plain and simple as that. Good luck in whatever you decide.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2003
Sat, 09-27-2003 - 11:05am
There's a saying, if you love something let it go. If he see's that this is hurting you he should not be trying so hard to convince you to not move on no matter how hard it may be.

Sweet

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2003
Sat, 09-27-2003 - 11:14am
livinlovinlearnin,

It is hard to let love go, especially when it's not by your choice really. I hope you find the strength and the courage to move on and be good to yourself. You deserve to have a 100% of your man in a relationship and although you understand why he can't give you that- it isn't enough. Hugs to you sweetie , I feel your heartache.

~Wishing~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2003
Sat, 09-27-2003 - 11:45am
LLL-I've got a feeling that all of these men read from the same handbook! Of course he doesn't want to let go of you. With you, life is wonderful! It's a place he's able to go to escape the pressures of the real world. Trust me, I've experienced exactly the same thing. In the beginning, I was so sure I could live the rest of my life with things being the way they were, but after a bit of time, you understand that it's not a fulfilling way to live. In addition to the deceit, you have to deal with guilt, loneliness, and so many other things. I had to end it. He believes we're still able to be friends,however, my feelings ran too deep, and if he cared about me the way he said he did, he'd be lying to himself thinking it was merely friendship. As long as he's a part of your life, you're never going to be able to move forward. I'm not saying end it and immediately jump into another relationship, but you'll find that without the pressures the A causes, you'll be able to think clearly, and determine what kind of life is important to you. Eventually, someone else will come into your life, but if MM is still a part of it, you won't be able to devote 100% to the new relationship, and you just might be missing the really best thing ever to happen to you. Hope you're able to sort things through. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2003
Sat, 09-27-2003 - 12:33pm
I felt that my previous post was way to harsh in some ways. I know it's easier said than done. It's hard when your heart says one thing and your mind says another. Just try and stay true to yourself and I hope things work out for you.

Sweet

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
Sun, 09-28-2003 - 4:56pm
Thanks for the input...I have come to realize for now that my life is better with him in it. I feel that if someone else is meant to be in my life that it will happen. I will not close off any opportunities if one comes along but I refuse t believe being his friend will hold me back from anything substantial.

I KNOW that most of the time things don't work out..99% I am sure. But I don't see how NC with someone you LOVE can be a good thing. Sure I "might" miss out on someone/something else...but I can't ignore how my heart feels and how my heart SMILES when I am with him.

He's my best friend. Yes I want more, but I'd rather have a little bit of something with him then a lot of nothing.

Bottom line, I LOVE HIM.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2003
Sun, 09-28-2003 - 6:00pm
Sweet -

Doesn't the rest of the say go "and if it doesn't come back hunt it down and kill it"

Ha - just some twisted humor.

saatty

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2003
Sun, 09-28-2003 - 10:03pm
You know, LLL, I can completely relate to something you said. Like so many, I never imagined I would be involved with a MM. And I have found something with MM that I have never found in any of my many relationships with "available" guys. I would rather have a little bit of something (this A with MM) than a whole lot of nothing (another R with someone I don't connect with).

Annika

Brightest Blessings, Annika


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