Hard to let go of love.
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Hard to let go of love.
| Fri, 09-26-2003 - 6:58pm |
I have been VERY explicit in my feelings and have sobbed in his presence that I can't be 'with' him the way I want to. I have literally BEGGED him to let me go and he flat out refuses. He doesn't stalk me, but he says he will not give me up--meaning our friendship. I have let him know that me being in the friendship will halt me from moving on...and he says he knows how selfish it is of him but that he loves me and is stuck in a rock and a hard place because of his boys. I have no doubt he loves me because I see the way he looks at me..I FEEL it in my bones. But I know we will never be able to be together because he made a promise to someone else before he met me. All I can do is TRY to appreciate the time I can spend with him and TRY to get over the fact that I can't be with the love of my life.
I KNOW I will meet someone else and I know I will be loved again...but I can promise you that noone will ever have my heart the way HE does.
I KNOW I will meet someone else and I know I will be loved again...but I can promise you that noone will ever have my heart the way HE does.

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My head tells me that we will never be together - his kids are very young. There will always be a birthday, an event, a holiday, etc. that will make leaving "not a good time". I can even foresee that once the kids are grown and if I am still around, then their finances will be so intertwined that it would not be practical to get a divorce. But on the other hand, my heart can't let go because he loves me. I know what you mean when you say that you can see it in his eyes. I wish I could explain or somehow put into words everything that is communicated when he looks at me. When we are in a room full of people and he scans the room looking for me, the way his expression changes, softens when we make eye contact. I know he struggles with what he feels is his duty and with what his needs and desires are.
I can't say how long I can continue with the A as it is sooooo hard to be without him. I will always be there for him as his friend - that will never change. I am sure there will come a point where I will tell him that I don't want him to speak of us in the future or for him to tell me that he is in love with me anymore, that we have to take it back to friendship only. I'll always be in love with him, I have been for many, many years, but timing has been our enemy.
I know it is hard, but if he has flat out told you that he will not consider D because of the kids, then you do need to cut off all contact with him until you have moved past this. I'm not going to say that you will ever get over it, but you can move past it. Then it might not be painful for you to resume a friendship with him.
I'm not sure if I have helped you any...but I'm here if you need to talk it out.
saaty
Sweet
It is hard to let love go, especially when it's not by your choice really. I hope you find the strength and the courage to move on and be good to yourself. You deserve to have a 100% of your man in a relationship and although you understand why he can't give you that- it isn't enough. Hugs to you sweetie , I feel your heartache.
~Wishing~
Sweet
I KNOW that most of the time things don't work out..99% I am sure. But I don't see how NC with someone you LOVE can be a good thing. Sure I "might" miss out on someone/something else...but I can't ignore how my heart feels and how my heart SMILES when I am with him.
He's my best friend. Yes I want more, but I'd rather have a little bit of something with him then a lot of nothing.
Bottom line, I LOVE HIM.
Doesn't the rest of the say go "and if it doesn't come back hunt it down and kill it"
Ha - just some twisted humor.
saatty
Annika
Brightest Blessings, Annika
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