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| Sun, 09-28-2003 - 10:04am |
Hi ladies, I'm new here and glad I found this board. I've had a long distance relationship with a MM for almost 4 years now and although we've had our ups and downs I thought we were at a pretty good place with each other. But lately something feels odd. I can't put my finger on what it is and it's troubling me. Among other things, he used an unusual phrase recently that he's never used before in the whole time I've know him and I'm beginning to wonder if he's involved with someone else. Given that there's such a distance between us, I'd understand in a way if he was. But I know if I asked him, he'd deny it. It's not jealousy on my part, but rather a need to know the truth and where I really stand with him. If he were involved with someone else, I'd accept that and our relationship would become nothing more than platonic friendship. I just don't want to feel like I'm being played for some niave fool or give so much love to someone who doesn't want it.
How do I get him to open up and understand that if he were involved with someone else, although it might hurt me a little initially, I'd understand. That I'd still love him as a friend but nothing more.

Good luck
RH
Be careful, and try to let go. Perhaps it will be easier for you to remain friends, as your relationship is long distance. I've had to establish NC, and find it very difficult to simply be friends with him. The relationship went too far to turn another way.
Take some time to do what's best for you. I assure you, by establishing NC, while it may be difficult for awhile, eventually you'll gain a whole different perspective of the situation, and realize that you want more for your life.
Good luck!!!
As a for instance, I've always had the 'filthier' of mouths between H and I, though I would struggle and struggle and struggle to temper it, hide it, modify it. Usually I was successful. When I came to the point in my M where I was open to an A, I found a man that basks in the light of my natural personality. The result? I allowed myself more freedom to be who and what I really am in my home, as well. Regardless of how 'crass' my H found my language. Surely if my H had a distrusting bone in his body, that would have said something to him.
I think it possible that a similar situation may be playing out in the poster's life, as well.
Lucky