I miss the friendship
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| Tue, 09-30-2003 - 11:25am |
Now, all that has changed. I can't talk to him about my feelings. I would like to have someone I could share my enter most intimate feelings with. When I try to talk to MM, he gets defensive, and I try not to have a acusing tone. Some of the emotions that I have are related to my relationship with MM, and some arent. I just now tried to open up and talk to MM, and he just held the phone, total silence, and then said "I have to go".
The newness of the divorce has worn off (4 years next month). I'm still not any closer than I was 4 years ago to having a life with MM. I gave up my life as I knew it. Because he said he was leaving his life as he knew it too. Now I'm a single mother, with no social life. I hate my job, but can't take a cut in pay to get something different, because I'm a strugling single mother. It feels like the walls are closing in on me. Sometimes when I finish paying bills for the month I have less than $5. I'm not an extravagant person, I do with the bare essentials.
I feel so trapped in my life. Nothing good or exciting ever happens to me. I can never afford to take a vacation. I spent all of this summer in the care of my doctor because I lost my vision. I have nothing to look forward too. And it really sucks......I wish my life could be different in some way.
I just needed to talk, thanks for listening.

I wish you hugs as well and you can email me you know that if you would like to talk...I think we are all on here on this board for support.
In most relationships I guess things do happen to die down eventually and then we are in seek of something better. I feel you on the budget cost cuz I am in the same boat. I am a single mother of one and trying to make it with my son. I work full time and go to school full time yet try to manage to spend time with my son. It seems to me you have sat around and let MM take everything you have as far as emotions. I have been with my MM since March and before I did have a social life and little by little it has stopped. I go out occasionally...like I said financially I cant...but if friends invite me out and they pick up the tab I go. Of course its easier for guys to pick up the tab...except im not interested in more then a friendship with them...Y cuz im stuck in love with MM. I know how you feel cuz I have been there...I guess I can relate more to you since I am also single. Its not easy but its also not good to let your life revolve around MM sit and wait on him. Little by little I have realized it - I mean its easier said then done but you cant let all your friends go for a man. Friends will always be there...well true friends will.
Im sorry to read about your vision...I hope they were able to help you this summer.
HUGS - Sandy