BUSTED
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| Tue, 09-30-2003 - 8:31pm |
Well I have just been through the weekend from hell! H confronted me Saturday morning and said he knows what's going on. I played dumb at first but apparently he SAW me (this was not an accident, he suspected and FOLLOWED me). We have been arguing constantly since then but he says he is willing to stay with me and work this out given I cut off all contact with OM. Meaning, if I so much as look in his direction, my marriage is over.
Now I am in a very tight spot as to what to do. I can't give up OM. I just can't. Is it worth risking my marriage...I don't know. But H has done some investigative work of his own...he knows who OM is and where he lives. And OM has some things of mine, I was planning on stopping by to pick them up this week but I'm scared that someone will see my car there, and if I was to meet him somewhere to get my things, I'm worried that I would be seen too.
I know if I honestly want to work on my M then this needs to stop, but I really don't know if I want to. That sounds horrible, I know, but I don't even know if I love H anymore. Sometimes I think I do and I think if I were to be without him I would be lost, other times I think how nice it would be to be on my own. I am so unhappy right now...between fighting with H and not speaking to OM (H has been watching me like a hawk) this has got to be the hardest thing I've gone through!

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I wanted to send you some hugs because I know that this is not an easy time for you. I guess the deny thing went out the window if H followed you but remember not to give too much information because he only knows so much the rest he will fish to get.
You now have to do some serious soul searching and decide what you want to do with your life. Do you really want to work on your M and stay with H? Can the problems that you have with H (I assume there are problems or you wouldn't have been with OM) be worked out? Do you even want to work them out? Can you honestly never see or speak to OM again? Do you want to do that? If you want to keep seeing OM then you will have to stop for awhile until things settle with H, if you decide to stay with him, can you do that? If you and H D are you planning on being with OM? (sorry don't know if your OM is single or M) What has OM said about all of this? How has he reacted to your H finding out? You don't have to answer any of these questions on the board, but sometimes I know that just writing down my answers helps get my thoughts in order. I would advise to not go to OM's or not to meet him unless you decide to end your M because it seems like H will know or find out, leave the things there for now. You know people on this board have told me and I am beginning to believe them that if you want to work on your M then OM has to be out of the picture. I was never caught by H but he suspected, but I was willing to keep risking it and still would (been in NC with OM for 5 wks) but I do want to work on my M. I have said to many that I need OM in my life and I still feel that way but is it really worth what I would lose? I am still struggling with that but I have to find the inner strength to do what is best for me and my kids, right now it doesn't include OM.
None of us on the board can tell you what to do, but we can be here for you to work thru it is what you want. Feel free to email me if you want someone to talk to. Good luck and keep us posted.
DAF
i was caught in february and confronted by my BF. even though i denied everything (the only "proof" he had were some writings about my feelings for MM -- i know, stupid!), we had the weekend from hell too. subsequently i've worked very hard to make my relationship with my BF smooth and happy and to rebuild the trust, but he still watches me like a hawk, questions every move, wants to know when i'll be home, calls my cells all the time -- all things he NEVER did before -- and he cannot stand to be around MM (he and his W are part of our social circle).
your H will not let up on you. and he will always be watching your every move and questioning your absences, etc. the trust is gone. sometimes it comes back, but it takes alot of work and time and patience. if you are not sure you love your H and want to stay in your marriage, it's just my opinion, but you should separate and figure out what you want your life to be. not for your H, or OM, just for YOU!
good luck,
gurl
Hi Jolie,
I know what you are going through... as I've been there and done that! DH caught me out about 10 months into my EMA... I was acting somewhat different which made him want to know what I was up to... he managed to download a program that cracked the password to my ICQ and found several conversations with MM.
He confronted me with this in one of our counselling sessions... which just happened to be the one where I was going to tell him I was leaving... I think this was his last option by bringing it to my attention what he knew.
Sweet
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