Can't forget him....HELP!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2003
Can't forget him....HELP!
4
Wed, 10-01-2003 - 2:27pm
I had a crush on MM for over 2 years. I never thought anything would come of it, and it was all in good fun. H and I, and MM and his W started hanging out more, and were part of the same social circle. MM and I were both talkers...his W and my H both quiet. Before we knew it, some serious feelings developed. We finally met last December to talk about it.....and both knew we felt something so special. A week later, H found out about our meeting, and our "kiss" and everything blew up. Our children go to a small private school together, W and I were on PTA.....H and MM coached together....you get the idea. Somehow it stayed quiet for the most part.

One of the last things MM said to me was he loved me..and we have not talked since. I have tried to find a way for us to talk, but all these months later, I have come up empty handed. Not to mention at this point, I am afraid to stir things up if he has moved on. I can't forget him. I have tried, but I see him all of the time. He doesn't dare look in my direction since he knows if H catches him looking in my direction, it will be ugly.

There have been times when H and W are not around, but one of a couple of friends who who know what happened are always around. I can't risk us being seen talking......

The other day, I woke up early (he goes into work at 6:00am..) and left a "note" on his car. I couldn't write anything....just in case someone else found it...so I left a copy of a webpage (from the store where we met in the parking lot) and on the page was a search from the CD that had our song on it. Of course it poured all day, so I have no idea if it was even readable by the time he would have gotten it. That was 2 weeks ago..and while I thought he was looking at me several times, he could very easily been looking at something else.

I want to move on with H.....but I just can't let go of MM. We just really connected, and I think that fact we were friends first (he told me I was his best friend) and that nothing sexual had every happened) that I just can't help but think he was the right man for me......but that timing was off :O(


I make love to H, and I think of him. Every song I hear reminds me of him.....my heart still stops when I see him. Doesn't help I see him 5 days a week...although as hard as it is (and as sick as it sounds) I like seeing him.

I know I sound like a nutcase!! I really am not. I just have this pit in my stomach that I can't get rid of.....and I just want so badly to talk to him......even all these months later.

I know no one has any answers....but I am sure hoping someone has some words of advice. I just want to talk to him one time.....but I think what is holding me back is a fear he will no longer have any feelings for me, and I will look pathetic......



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-01-2003 - 3:09pm
oh, irish, i feel your pain honey. being thrown together all the time, but unable to bring your feelings, thoughts and needs to the surface is soooo difficult, isn't it. but i think after 10 months of no contact from MM, you have your answer. MM is obviously toeing the line in his M and not taking any chances to restart the relationship with you.

would you consider seeing a counselor to let out these feelings and get some guidance as to what you want out of life? a few visits with someone objective can help you head in the right direction to take control of your life. you need to figure out if you can live in your M or not. you cannot let go of whatever feelings you still have for MM until you decide what direction you want to go from this point.

i have the same situation because the four of us (me, BF, MM and his W) are social and see each other at least 3x a month. 3 years after our A started, we were "caught" but denials abounded and no one actually had any proof, just suspicions. anyway, a year later i'm still dealing with the fallout and it's no fun, believe me.

calm down and try to get some professional counseling. think about it, please.

take care, and we're here for you.

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2003
Wed, 10-01-2003 - 4:08pm
I can tell you both from experience how devestating it can be when you socialize with your MM and his W, and then the truth leaks out. People begin to take sides. There are those who will never speak to the cheating woman because everyone blames her. There are rumours that may or may not be true. Even the children pay a price - getting left out of birthday parties, not being welcome on certain playdates.

To the original poster: leave this guy alone!!!!!! PLEASE!!! Please leave him alone before you get a reputation as a stalker. So far, you have tried to make contact with him to no avail. It is obvious to me, an outsider, that he does NOT WANT CONTACT WITH YOU. For whatever reason. Don't even ask yourself why. Just let it go. He is done with it, he is done with you. That much is clear.

STOP OBSESSING. JUST STOP. When you stop for a little while, it will get easier and easier to stay on the wagon. Just stop. PLEASE.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2003
Thu, 10-02-2003 - 1:12pm
I just wanted to that "gurl" for her kind words, and for your advice. Thanks for being supportive...

To "Yoga chick"...I think it is funny how everything is "So obvious" to you from just reading one post. I would love to know how I am so close to becoming a stalker because I made contact with him ONE TIME in 10 months?

I didn't even get into the details of our friendship/relationship...nor will I...I was having a moment of weakness yesterday, and was feeling sad that I didn't have my friend (who had been there to help me through A LOT!) to talk to about it.

Anyway.....just throught you were a bit harsh and judgemental.....no biggy though.

I will just stick to my IRL friends.

Have a nice day..

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2003
Fri, 10-03-2003 - 10:42am
Here is what you wrote, Irish:

1. I have tried to find a way for us to talk, but all these months later, I have come up empty handed.

2. The other day, I woke up early (he goes into work at 6:00am..) and left a "note" on his car. I couldn't write anything....just in case someone else found it...so I left a copy of a webpage (from the store where we met in the parking lot) and on the page was a search from the CD that had our song on it. Of course it poured all day, so I have no idea if it was even readable by the time he would have gotten it. That was 2 weeks ago..and while I thought he was looking at me several times, he could very easily been looking at something else.

3. I know I sound like a nutcase...

ALL I have to go on, all anyone has to go on, is what you write in a post. You write to communicate. I read it, and I comment. Your words (as illustrated above) indicate to me that YOU are interested in pursuing something that this MM is NOT interested in purusing. Yes, he told you he loved you. But things have changed. Your H found out. Perhaps he does not want the same thing happening to him. You know when he goes to work. You know where is car is parked. You printed something out that was cryptic but that indicated that you remember the exact parking lot where you met and your "song". I base my opinion on these things.

It is just an opinion. Everyone has one. You don't like mine. It still is my opinion.