Too busy for me

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2002
Too busy for me
27
Thu, 10-02-2003 - 1:45pm
I haven't see mm for almost three weeks now, yesterday we were supposed to see each other but he was feeling too stressed and sick with work, so i told him not to. So today we are talking and all this time he's talking about all the problems at work, and not once mentions us or us getting together. I'm really annoyed how there's always something either too much work or some other things we has to take care after work. I feel empty, i got nothing from our phone conversation, not one sign of afection. I'm tired of trying to keep this relationship alive, but i can't do it alone. Lately there's always an excuse, priorities,etc, that always come before me. I love him but my needs are not being fulfilled...Should I simply give up this relationship?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: luizinha
Thu, 10-02-2003 - 2:41pm
luiz -- if i remember your previous posts, it continues to sound like your MM is pulling further away from the R.

as you said -- **I'm tired of trying to keep this relationship alive, but i can't do it alone.** there's your answer honey.

if MM is only talking about work, stress, whatever and has had no contact with you and not planning any, all he wants is to let go of the R.

sorry, but i think you have to admit to yourself that it's over, end things with MM and move on.

just my opinion,

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
In reply to: luizinha
Thu, 10-02-2003 - 3:40pm
Hey Luiz, I can feel your pain. I haven't seen my MM in 9 weeks. And there have been excuses about his work, was sick etc. I talked to him last week, he said we should get together this week, and I haven't heard from him at all this week!! It is very frustrating and makes me kind of angry. Like why am I putting up with this crap? You haven't seen your MM for 3 weeks, well maybe you should put him on NC. Let him make the moves. I'm not contacting mine. If he wants to see me, he can contacct me. And he can suggest getting together, and maybe I will consider it. I'm not going to be the first one to ask. I don't feel like I should have to be "begging" for him to come and see me. You shouldn't either. You will feel better, believe me, if you get a little self-respect (I don't know about you, but mine was really low). I feel alot better lately even though I haven't seen him in so long. We can't force them to do what they don't want, that's the problem. And I feel like mine is trying sort of, to break up. best wishes to you and hope you feel a little better.

Dusty
xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
In reply to: luizinha
Thu, 10-02-2003 - 4:03pm
Actually, one other thing I wanted to say was that during my first few weeks I didn't see him, I was really upset, cried alot and all that. Are you feeling that way too? But now I think I've progressed a little, now I haven't cried in a couple of weeks, and even though we talked last week I didn't get my hopes up too high. Because I'm tired of being disappointed. I know you said you are too. And now I just get angry when I think about him not contacting me, with that "bull" about being busy etc. I think anger is a way more empowering emotion than sadness and depression. I wish I had gotten to this angry stage alot quicker.
xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2002
In reply to: luizinha
Thu, 10-02-2003 - 5:37pm
Thank you Dustyrose. I'm glad i found someone who goes throught the same thing. This is like a routine, we plan a day, the all day i wait in panic, thinking he will call and give a bunch of excuses why he can't make it anymore, than he re-schedules, and it goes on and on. Why get all hopes up for disappoint at the end? It's always about him, how he keeps putting up obstaculs in this relationship. I'm mentally and emotionally exausted right now. I can't take this anymore. It's not right. Always under his control. I emailed him saying, that there's no point for this relationship if he doesn't care about how i am feeling, and how i feel about him. Since then, i haven't heard from him...I just don't know what to do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2003
In reply to: luizinha
Thu, 10-02-2003 - 7:29pm
"I emailed him saying, that there's no point for this relationship if he doesn't care about how i am feeling, and how i feel about him. Since then, i haven't heard from him..."

That could be what he was waiting for...GAWD I hate men that act like that instead of just saying what's on their minds.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
In reply to: luizinha
Fri, 10-03-2003 - 9:03am
Hi Luiz. I have the same problem with my MM. He would say "we'll get together this Friday". So of course, I would shave my legs, etc. then sit here waiting to hear from him, and then lots of times either he would cancel (some emergency came up) or I wouldn't even hear from him that day!! That really p***ed me off. I hate playing the waiting game. Then the one and only time I was having second thoughts about meeting him one day, he says "what, you're blowing me off?" What is this, a double standard? Anyways, I still haven't heard from mine at all this week, although he had said we would get together this week. So I am putting him on NC. If he gets ahold of me I will probably talk to him, but I'm not sure if I should get back together. It hurts my feelings too much and I told him that. I'm sorry you haven't heard from your MM. Maybe he will consider your feelings more. I wish mine would!! Anyways, maybe we can stay in touch and ride this thing thru! Good luck.

Dusty
xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2002
In reply to: luizinha
Fri, 10-03-2003 - 9:11am
I'm waiting to hear from him soon this morning. After yesterdays email that i wrote to him telling him how i feel and all about the resentment, he hasn't contacted me yet. So i don't know what will happen today. So here we go again, the waiting game. I don't know exactly what to say to him next, but i will keep you posted.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
In reply to: luizinha
Fri, 10-03-2003 - 9:25am
Well I hope you hear from him and that he apologizes or something. I'm waiting to see if mine contacts me today. But I'm not getting my hopes up. I'll probably hear next week, that he was sick or really busy at work or something. Excuses, excuses. But stupid me, I'll probably just accept that and run right over to see him if he asks. I'm pathetic!! But I will not contact him first at least. He's going to have to be the one.
xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2002
In reply to: luizinha
Fri, 10-03-2003 - 9:33am
What really kills me is the waiting, i expected him to call me as soon as i got in to work this morning, and he hasn't yet...I'm getting very frustrated right now. The more time that passes the more frustrated i get. It's hard not to think about it all day, and i'm very tempted to call him myself, but like you i won't! We have to hang in there, even though it's really hard.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
In reply to: luizinha
Fri, 10-03-2003 - 9:39am
Good for you!! I know how hard it is. Its been 9 weeks since I've seen mine. When I think about that it drives me crazy!! I wonder how I've made it this long, at first, I was thinking about him all day long. Then it got to be less and less. We had NC for about 7-1/2 weeks, that was such a long time! I thought it was over then he contacted me again last week. But now, I haven't heard all week again. It sucks. I hope yours gets ahold of you though. And tell him that he could at least keep you in the loop.
xxxx

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