Okay, need some more help with OM....

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Okay, need some more help with OM....
1
Fri, 10-03-2003 - 10:01am
Thank you to those of you who responded to my previous post. I really need all of the advice that I can get. I have been watching and observing my OM for the last couple of days. I think that he wants me to know that he is going on with his life whether I am in it or not. I think that he wants me to "get off the fence" and make a decision about him. He has been divorced for two years now and I have noticed that he has started dating more in the last year. He doesn't like to discuss his dates with me. I feel like he is ready for me to do something one way or the other. I have been "talking" about leaving my marriage for about a year now, but OM knows that I don't want to leave until my youngest son is 18, which is another year. OM and I are both in our early forties. He is black and I am white, which will also cause problems in our familes if we ever do get together. I know that if two people want to be together badly enough, they can overcome obstacles. I feel like by my OM's actions, that he is ready for me to make a decision and move forward. I am afraid that I will lose him for good if I don't make a decision soon. We would have a lot of obstacles to overcome, but I think that we could be happy together. Now, my problem is talking to him about this. Where in the world do I start and what do I say?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2003
Fri, 10-03-2003 - 10:19am
Hi ...okay..first of all do you really want to be with this man??? Is he really worth the risk?? If he is than maybe you should re-evaluate things and make the change if you don't want to lose him. As far as your child, he's at the tail end of being COMPLETELY dependant on you and I think it's safe to say that he is mature enough to understand (of course I don't know him but you as his mother know him better than anyone) if you think he'll be okay with it and it IS possible for you to get out of the marriage than go for it.

About the black and white thing, I was with a black man for 8 years (I'm white) and yes it caused ALOT of grief for me with my family. But at the time, (I was 18) I thought he was worth it. Eight years later after having a child and REALLY getting to know who he really was, I found it was a waste. I went through all of that hell for nothing. Of course I got my son out of it and I'll never regret that, but it took me 8 years to find out that he wasn't who I thought he was. My point is, is that before you do something like this, think long and hard about it and if you really feel that it is worth it, than do what you need to do and don't let him go. Because eventually, he'll meet someone who can give him what he needs. And obviously, he's at the point where he wants more from you.

Please don't think I'm trying to discourage you. It's just that I suffered so much with my family because I made a rash decision and if I could do it all over again, I would've picked a better man. I hope I'm making sense!! But like you said, if two people want it bad enough, it will happen. Good luck to you!