He dropped me ?....so much hurt

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2003
He dropped me ?....so much hurt
7
Fri, 10-03-2003 - 4:18pm
Hello everyone, thanks for taking the time to read this.

maybe you have seen me post the day before yesterday, saying someone called his wife. By the way the so called friend, well I did not know he was married when I meet him so I told her about him....innocently...we were friends....then things developed and she was like ok he is married, well he had meanwhile told me also, but anyway. If I woul dhave known when I meet him he was married I would have never confined in her....anyway.

he called, finally, saying something about being confused, needed to calm down , sort things out, so sorry he knows this hurts me....am I ok....I said well how can I really be if someone , whoever called the wife , made all choices for me....I feel like I lost him in every way...he said no please don;t say this....but I guess being friends is all we now can be, this he guesses ! is just the way things have to be...with a pregnant wife at home and his job promotion he got recently, we work together, this would not be good to come out....but we can still stay friends right ?....Well so while my heart broke into a million pieces...I said yes sure we can still call and talk when we run into each other...so yeah I guess I should understand his reasoning, what is at stake for him to loose...but you know what...he so willingly lost me....without any fight, without any hope he ran away......and it just hurts so much .

Right now I am not sure if I want to even stay in touch, it just hurts so much pretending to put all your feelings, the love you have for someone aside and just chat like friends...maybe in time it will be better...time heels wounds everyone says....right ?!

Right now it just hurts so much ..........and I can not wonder but to think if he can drop me after two years !!! just like this...just because someone called and just briefly said oh he is seeing some women in that and that area of town....I turn into a nobody to him. Sorry, I know I must sound bitter....I am just so hurt...and wonder how to face tomorrow and the day after....going bakc to being even more lonely....why could he not in some way fight for me....say ok let;s lay low for a while.....please don;t leave me...I don;t want to loose you ............guess that would have been in a fairytale...

thanks for listening ...........and I guess I need to be going over to the ending an affair board...even that the choice had been made for me...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2003
Fri, 10-03-2003 - 6:08pm
I'm so sorry that he didn't even bother to put up a fight. Maybe he feels he has no right to ask you to lay low for awhile. But still, I would be just as hurt as you by his lack of trying. I don't think I would have been as nice and let it go that easy. Not that I would beg or anything like that. Just that I would have told him to forget being my friend, that it would be too hard. It's nearly impossible to go backwards in a relationship. I have always managed to be somewhat friends with X's, but not the kind of friends that call each other, just that I'll say hello, if I see them or have a brief chat if they feel the need. But I'd probably avoid him if I could, just until it doesn't hurt as bad. Again I feel for you. I think it sucks that he didn't feel the need to fight for you. Makes you wonder about his feelings about everything. I know they say time heals all wounds, but it never feels that way so I'm not going to tell you that. Take your time, grieve, it sucks and it's not always possible to just move on a forget. So I won't tell you any of those things people always seem to say. If you need to just let it all out, feel free. If you like you can email me. Anyhow, I hope you are doing ok...Hugs, Jdreamer...
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2003
Sat, 10-04-2003 - 1:04pm
buttercup,

here is the one simple answer to all your questions. MEN ARE PLAIN AND SIMPLE-----WEAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WEAK, WEAK, WEAK. They don't fight for love like women. Actually they don't and can't be anything like us. It doesn;t mean he doesn't love you, it doesn't mean he wouldn;t rather be with you than his W. A lot of men don;t like change, don;t like to admit failure(who does) but there are far many more women who can handle life decisions, tasks and whatever comes our way. Men step back, crawl into their caves, (so called space). Men can't do 2 things at once. (im not male bashing) i have 5 little men of my own.(children) But they totally can't do what they really want and feel they do more what the feel the should do. 2 years? He loves you, give it time. Whatever he has been lacking with W, he still won't get now. And actually all of us women who are in the same so called boat together, we in someways are our own worst enimies cause we really do help the marriage continue. We give what they require and it makes it easier in many reasons to stay. I do believe part time true totally deep love is better than full time (room mates). Sharing the house and $$$$$ but not what men and women are supposed to be and that is best friends. I still want my MM to have his male friends,(no one can or should be everything to one person) but i know i am his best friend as he is mine. Sorry i rambled. Hang in there. Try to keep the happy memories in your heart and running through your mind, just so you don;t drive yourself out of your mind.

Love 4everlovers

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Sat, 10-04-2003 - 4:24pm
hi buttercup so sorry about happen with your mm.my ex-mm did same thing to me no his W was not have baby but he got scare but came back to me 2 other times, sure your mm will come to you. we are here for you anytime. hugs kimmy
kimmy
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2003
Sat, 10-04-2003 - 4:33pm
No contact is the only way to go in your case. He ended it. It wouldn't have happened but for the act of some busybody, but it happened. You have to move on now. He has made his choice, even if you ran a very very very close second, his wife still came first. And the woman is pregnant! Have a bit of compassion. It is a very good time to walk away, in my opinion.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2003
Mon, 10-06-2003 - 5:04pm
Hi there,

thanks for your reply....sorry to be late on replying on your post about sick wife...there was a movie on lifetime not to long ago...wife was sick also....

let him make the choice, sorry don;t have all the details....he may take care of her physically and out of care and obligation...but if his heart is still with you

you will know.... Be patient..but keep your eyes open for maybe Mr. wonderful to walk in your life meanwhile, you need ot give him a chance....and can not wait on MM forever.

Hugs, E
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Mon, 10-06-2003 - 7:50pm
hi butter hope you feeling better thanks for your kind words about me and mm. his is going through very hard time right now just wish l could be with him and take care of him .but he knows l'm here for him and how much love him. hugs kimmy
kimmy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-06-2003 - 8:31pm
You know what struck me about your post...isn't that you are having an affair with a married man who obviously still sleeps with his wife, its that you don't obviously feel you deserve anything better and that you say such negative things like "I'm going back to be alone again"

Honestly, I would count this as a blessing and maybe think about getting yourself into some counseling, you obviously are very depressed and lacking in some self esteem to feel as though being 2nd best is your only option in life. I understand that anyone can fall in love with anyone, but I think the man made the right decision, his wife is pregnant, he really needs to focus on repairing his marriage and trying to work it out, for the sake of himself and his soon to be family.

Sorry you were hurt in the crossfire, but having an affair, there is always going to be an injured party.

Please get some counseling...feeling as though having an affair is better than being "single" is really sad and I hope that you will learn to get some self esteem soon.

Take care