Saw them hand in hand

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2003
Saw them hand in hand
5
Sun, 10-05-2003 - 3:28pm
Hello everyone, first of all thank you so much for everynes support

who had responded to my post from 10/03- He dropped me....

well these were harsh words dropping, me moreless i feel now yeah like someone

responded and hit the nail on the hammer with saying yeah i maybe came in a very close second, but surely the wife was always first and i knew that, especially with her being pregnant. But gosh this was the same man who told me two weeks ago....(I actually went thgrough the motions and talked about maybe ending it, due to her pregnancy and all )in a very dramatic act, jumping out of his car, stopping me from leaving out of my own driveway, pleading , holding onto me with his dear life....oh please I don;t want to loose you , please ....i am so afraid i will never see you again ....kissing my hand like prince charming....in the next days to come saying oh...you do know I will not let yo uslip away just like this , you are anything I ever wanted and needed.....but you deserve so much more....but I don;t watn to loose you ......ahhh this is just rining all over in my ears....but I guess with the call to the wife at home the really got scared. And i always sadly knew he would never leave....but yeah I expected ....well let's lay low for a while...pls. I still don;t want to loose you .....anyway he called friday night from work asking if i was ok !!! Gosh what to answer, so I was honest and said no....someone made a choice for me, (whoever called the wife)....he said I miss you to..have been thinking about you ....but I am afraid this is the way thngs will have to be...I guess?!

So once again hearing these words of friendship only were pretty unbearable....guess I also felt things were out of control nothing I could do.....here....guess he is confused, scared and is tyryiing to do the right thing..he really is a good guy you know..with a good heart....but when i saw them at a family fest from work this weekend walking in hand in hand...well it tore my heart out....!I was so so hurt....I know time will heal all of this, but we work together, diff. department but with quite some interaction.

So it will be tough, not to let this influence work....and i always knew that, but I guess I never thought it would be , end this way. And overall is just this feeling of rejection, and hurt and at times yur thought go crazy saying was is all just a show he put up? Then I say to myself oh I just never wanted hm to be the one who would disappoint me so much....sorry for rambling everyone. I just need to get it all out I guess...and frm my side I am like oh why did he have to be hand in hand with her(no he did not see me seeing them , but still he knew i was there, I also dno;t know if she grabbed his hand, so to speak, saying hey this is my man I am claiming him(can not even blaem her for that, after all I was preg. to when I was married and received such a call...so I know...and I don;t want to hurt her, you know.....but gosh this s all such a mess)...or what....but all i just know it hurts...and I feel left alone...while they are now working on their marriage. I really don;t think I even would want him back, not while still married...only if he would be willing to put me in center field ,no more sidelines for me...at least this si what i am telling myself...should he knock on my door tomorrow...or a week from now or so...I guess it would be a different story....gosh why are we women LOL, so emotinal and such suckers for love and attention LOL....thanks so much everyone for letting me vent a little......and thanks again for every one who cared and responded.

Hope even that it is over it is still ok to be on here....guess it is , isn;t it...since he still has my heart and I wish for what if?......Me
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2003
Sun, 10-05-2003 - 9:34pm
It's totally not fair how he treated you. You gave him everything you had within yourself and more. It's not fair that he could after so long just say goodbye. Supposedly we are strong when we go into this. We are "grownups" and know the risks and say to ourselves, "I knew what I was getting myself into.", but none of that means anything right now.

I really do feel your pain because I have that fear myself. Even after 3 years I still fear it.

He chose to work it out with her and surely,her being pregnant, was to her advantage plus having someone call didn't help matters either.

You know him, maybe, this was the ONLY decision he could make.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2003
Sun, 10-05-2003 - 9:43pm
HEllo sunshine,

thanks so much for reading my post, gee, did not realize it was soo long. sorry.

WEll yeah it is not fair, I know deep down he did not want to hurt me...but he was

to busy with fixing home, with running like scared, that he might loose his son, they have already one child together. I guess he maybe had no other choice at least not one that he could live with himself with for the years to come.

I always said I wanted him to leave because of home and his life being unhappy and him wanting better. He always talked about obligation, this , staying for responsibilities is what will be expected from him, from everyoen who knows him, he would let to many people down.....should he choose to walk away...so he choose to instead let only one person down....me ......

I have been through a lot in life...and know this won;t kill me :)...even that at times the pain, and lonelyness seesm like they want to get the best ouf to me....sounds familiar?

Well I try to just understand and remember the time we had together....wish me strenght in the days to come, as we work together......Hugs to you sunshine..hang onto what you have....love like you have never been hurt before....Luv, E.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2003
Mon, 10-06-2003 - 12:57am
Hi E...I did read your posting earlier, but I couldn't even respond at the time, because it was so upsetting to read....the SAME THINGS I HEAR ALL OF THE TIME from the MM who says he doesn't want to lose me!! I will email you something I just received from my MM, and you see if doesn't sound familiar!! Do you think it's really OVER for you and this guy? Were you two together before the W got pregnant? I'll have to read more of your postings to get the rest of the story!! I FEEL YOUR PAIN!!! are you okay?? Blue
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2003
Mon, 10-06-2003 - 4:54pm
Hi Blue,

thanks for letting me vent, I feel much better, actually saw him today at work, and I was just really able to be like oh hi, whatever.....picturing them hand in hand on Sat. well did something to me...it was the final straw to say no more sideline for me I want to be Center Field, and he can 't no he won;t put me there. I felt it was not even worth it the fight to let him know how much he really hurt me with this....

We were together for 2 years...he said he would not leave now....only if things would get even worse....said he was staying for the son they already have...sounds familiar?.

we meet he said he was unhappy if it would not be for the son he woudl have gotten divorced a long time ago.....then ironically with me in the picutre, guess what, things got better at home...they bought a new house, two new cars, and she got pregnant, he claims it was without his approval or planning. but however ....you know...so I had a very hard time dealing with it....felt like I needed to run away....I also saw her one day

and I felt so quilty you know she talked to me not knowing anything....anyway things were a mess....so I needed to get out, he put up this whole...oh do;t leave me I don;t want to loose you ....then five days later the phonecall from someone to her..and he runs...no hey let;'s just lay low for a while...or whatever....this is what hurt the most and you question everything he ever said. So I just have to pick myself up and go on you know...I will not be bitter and just remember the good times..just the way for me to deal with things....nothing I can change about how things are...would I want him back, yeah I guess but in a different way...and I will do my best not to just make it all on his terms shoudl he try to come back....kind of scary to end things just like this after 2 years. makes you wonder what would it have been like 4 years or so any different?

Hugs, Me
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2003
Mon, 10-06-2003 - 10:17pm
I hate that you had to see them holding hands, it's very painful, especially to see the one you love with someone else. I think the way that he let you go was wrong. I think he should have taken some time out in the day and maybe you and him could have gone somewhere to talk about it. I figured that he would have told you to "lay low for awhile" and see how it works out. My best to you, fbg