How do I end this affair
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How do I end this affair
| Mon, 10-06-2003 - 6:51pm |
Please give me some advice. I am married and am not attracted to my husband. I have been seeing a married man for 2 years 4 months. He came "back" into my life in 2001. We were sweethearts back in 1983 when I was 18 and he was a 21 year old Marine. He wanted to marry me but I was confused and broke his heart. He found me via the Internet 18 years later (in 2001) and only lives 10 miles away. We have been sneaking around for 2+ years, meeting here and there, taking a day off from work and renting a room, shopping, etc. etc. He started talking about us being together but wanted his spouse to initiate them getting divorce. His spouse is very controlling and suspicious. They have 1 child together and he has one from a previous relationship. I have no kids. Recently his spouse found evidence of us (a card I had given him). She claimed she would file for divorce. He seemed happy about it but did not act on it. This past weekend she confronted him again, they had a heated argument and she called the police on him when he yelled at her. When I talked to him he said "I wanted to work things out with her...". I was very hurt because he never told me he was trying to work things out with her and I feel that he has been leading me on. I asked him when was he going to tell me and he kept saying "for the children, for the children." I feel like an idiot. I have taken all kinds of chances to be with this man and have jeopordized so much because of him. But I feel like he is all I have (as far as intimacy and romance). But I know I need to get out of this. All I do is cry, I cannot focus on work, and I don't want to do any of the things I once enjoyed (sounds like symptoms of depression to me). I want to get out of this but it is sooooooooooooooooooooo painful. I am scared to be without him because he has been a part of my life now for so long. Does anyone have any advice of how to get out of this without all the pain. My stomach hurts and my head hurts just thinking of not having him in my unfulfilling life. If there is a psychatrist or psychologist out there that can help I would appreciate that too.

My heart aches for you and I wish I could say something and your pain goes away.
I know you feel like your world is crumbling right now but you will get through this,
my thoughts are with you!!!!!
If you really want to end an affair you must have NO CONTACT with your MM.
Along the same thinking as detox or rehab, you must avoid your addiction (him) until you are free from the thinking about him.
It is really hard. But, with time it gets easier. Start writing in a journal to help get sad/obsessive/angry thoughts out of your head. I also think you should check out the "Ending an Affair" support board.
My MM has children too (I don't) and although I dont understand why he stays in a marriage where he is miserable, when he says it is out of fear that she will use the children against him I have to support him.
Good Luck
Aquagirl