PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2003
PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME!
4
Tue, 10-07-2003 - 7:52pm
I really can;t take anymore, don;t no if i want it anymore. I love him more than anything(except for my children) and that type of love can;t even be compared. I am so hurt, so devestated over every situation. I promised myself last year at christmas, i would never let myself go through a nother set of holidays.!!!! Family is starting to wonder if im lesbian, friends can;t figure it out either. 4 years and not a single date anyone knows about. Anyways, i can;t stand the hurt anymore. Feeling left out, left behind, not good enough. I wan;t to be with him,,,,,but reality is i guess he doesn;t love me the same. I can;t imagine my life without him . He has been involved day in and day out for 4 years. If i end things, i loose my love, my best friend, actually my job as well. I don;t want to be without him. Why am i only good enough for an in between. I have allowed this. I just want to be able to hold his hand walking down the street! I believe i realize tonight,,,it will never happen. My dreams have ended, my heart is destroyed. I can;t carry on a life like this. If affects everyone in it. I suffer daily from depression, on meds, with therapy, so this doesn;t for sure help my self esteem. I love him more than i love myself...and thats a problem especially when you don't care about living....the hurt is so great. I don;t know how to leave, cause i really don;t want to. I am so affraid. Advice someone,,please, please.

olivia.!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 10-07-2003 - 11:44pm
Trust me, I've been in the same dark never-ending hole you're in. Your dreams are NOT ended and your life is not destroyed.

You have many reasons for caring about living, but if you can't think of any of them right now, then think of your kids, and that is a pretty awesome reason, do you agree?

And talk to your doc. Make an appointment with the physician who prescribed your meds. I am talking to you from both ends of it... I'm a physician, AND I've been clinically depressed to the point of hospitalization. So, I know how you feel, and I also know from experience that there is an end to the agony. Hang in there, I know you can do it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2003
Wed, 10-08-2003 - 8:46am
Olivia

I wish I had advice to give that could be a solution, but I don't. Continue in your therapy. It doesn't help?

Also, know you have support here. I am so sorry you are hurting so deeply. I know that pain can be immeasurable. But again, continue in your therapy -- you are definitely at a crossroads and will need help when it comes time to finally make that choice. Hang in there and be strong for your kids!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2003
Wed, 10-08-2003 - 11:02am
Olivia,

My heart goes out to you right now. Stay strong, to get through what you have shows great strength and you can continue to do it. I don't have much advice to give that already hasn't been given by kari, charlotte and the others, but I wanted to show my support and that I am thinking of you.

Sweettendencies

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2003
Wed, 10-08-2003 - 4:32pm
thank you, all of you for your response, just for caring. Last night was such a low, at the bottom of the hill on the coaster! Not even 10 minutes after I posted my MM showed up unexpectedly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And there wasn;t even sex!!!!!!!!! He said he missed me so much and that he feels back that time has been short lately. I have never been so happy. He does love me!!!! Today i;m on the top of the hill!!!!!!!!!! This is so unblievable,,,,up, down and up again. I can;t let go, and now today i don;t want to. How do you get through these low;s and survive them. Its almost like he knew how bad i needed him and he showed up......I can;t even begin to explain how i felt. So onward it continues. Thanks to all of you for your concern. But does anyone know the answer to surving the rollercoaster!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love o.l.