Do you ever......
Find a Conversation
| Thu, 10-09-2003 - 3:10pm |
I'm still having moments when I fight it because I really don't want to get hurt. Right now I'm having one of those moments. Part of me wants to go over there and strike up a conversation, another part wants to go give him a big kiss, and still another part wants to just stay over here totally avoid him altogether(be a good girl) and hope that we can just have a cordial professional relationship.
I need to be working instead of using my brain power on him and this board. See what a man can do to a woman when she lets him. He has no clue what I'm doing or how I'm currently feeling. I'm sure this feeling will pass, but...I really don't like it. How do I get over it? Is it easy to end the thing at this stage I'm in? I mean can I just stop having any type of relationship w/him cold turkey and still work w/him?
I feel so crazy right now....
I'm just venting. I'm going back to work now. I'm glad this board is here. Really.

Today has been a quiet day for me, I have been able to do what I want which is research, and catch up on emails and posts on here. Today I was posting, and talking to a few women and thinking "wow, today i seem so sensible and yet the other day I was falling apart".
Its a definate rollercoaster ride and some days I wish I could just get off. I am fortunate in the fact that the relationship with MM is extremely positive and supportive and our friendship comes first. But where I sometimes find it difficult to handle, he doesn't. There are days when I just don't want to talk, I want to just be left alone. And he sometimes thinks that that response is reflecting on how I feel about him, when its not.
Then there are days when I will do whatever I can just too see him even if only for a brief moment.
You asked..........How do I get over it? Is it easy to end the thing at this stage I'm in? I mean can I just stop having any type of relationship w/him cold turkey and still work w/him?
You can get over it, and it will never be easy to end and only you can decide whether you want to or not.
I know there are days I ask myself that question, but once I calm down, I realize I am frustrated with the situation at times, but not MM or our relationship and I don't want it to end.
Don't know how much I helped, but just wanted to say HEY, welcome aboard the roller coaster!
Sweettendencies
I like rollercoasters!! When they're at a theme park. At least there you know when it's going to stop and you can get off easily.
My relationship w/MM is positive and we're definitely friends first. I guess I'm having a hard time with the fact that yesterday he just HAD to have me near him and today I want to be near him but I don't want to be near him. I know that sounds stupid. I want to be near him, but I have other things I MUST get done and I'm angry at myself for allowing him to occupy my thoughts while I'm trying to avoid him so I can be productive. I hope you get that.
going back 2 work
l8r
Laugh![Smiles]()
Sweettendencies
You're right. Maybe I should talk w/him about it. It might even help me.
Thanks Sweet.
Laugh![Smiles]()
I can relate to your post. It's more difficult when you work together (I would think), although there is always convenient internet-related means of communicating with MM to distract you even when you don't.
You're going to have days like this, but you DO have control of when you want to get off. It might be a painful exit, but you do have control.
The rollercoaster ride is much less of an issue for me now that I'm 'on down the road' in terms of longevity in this A. Things have stabilized and we've been on a straight and even portion of the track for years now. It's a lot rockier in the beginning, too, when all the 'high flyin' hormones are out of control. When you get used to it a little more, things start to even out.
Let me know if you need me to prescribe an antiemetic for the ride... :) Kidding.
I only told OM about this internal struggle recently, though. Not because I was afraid he'd get frightened or something like that - it was because staying or leaving the relationship is a decision *I* would have to make. Throwing the burden on him would be unfair. This is my own thing to deal with, and no one else can make the decision for me.
I also understand the feeling that agonizing over it takes up too much of your life. That part passed, for me, after a few months. I also learned to set clearer boundaries, for myself and him. It's the only way I can keep my sanity - just as I don't let my family take over my life at work, I can't let OM take over either my work *or* family life.