Is it really love??

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2003
Is it really love??
3
Thu, 10-09-2003 - 11:00pm
I'm new here so bare with me. I have been in a "relationship" with a MM for almost 2 years now. He has no relationship with his wife other than a business, but they remain married for that and the kids. We have alot in common and share alot of laughs. We have been "together" a few times, other times when I think I want to be "with him" I either feel to guilty because I'm married too and get cold feet or I get so far into it and think "what the heck am I doing" and get up and just leave him. Even tho this has happened several times, he always comes back around, either calling to check and see if I'm okay or to say it'sgonna be okay. In most cases any other man would probably not stick around with a woman like me, cause I am not a good player in this game that we have. But he has. He tells me that he cares very deeply for me and that he will wait for me. I fell in love with him, and when I did I fell hard. He has told me several times that he loves me too, and that he sees us having a future in due time. I'm not divorcing my husband, which MM knows this, and he has kids at home and has his commitment to them which I have been well aware of since day one. I have asked him if he has been with other women, cause I know he has "needs" since he and his wife don't and he tells me no. All I have to go on is his word. At times I question inside, if it's the truth. I just wonder if this could be a real relationship someday. When he do meet it's only for a short time & weeks in between. I think some times I want this and some times I don't. We have both tried to walk away from each other but for some reason we always come back. I tell my self maybe it is meant to be. I'm confused.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 10-10-2003 - 9:17am
You have asks some pretty hard questions, most of which are impossible to answer. The only advise I can give to you is to let this relationship just be what it is. Cherish those times you do have together, try hard to limit your expectations of where it is going and just enjoy the ride. Obviously sometimes it will feel like a roller coaster but the way I look at it is people pay money for the thrill of a roller coaster - although roller coasters seldom bring you tears - affairs of the heart just aren't that easy...ya gotta take the good with the bad and as long as the good outweighs the bad, if there's love there, love will prevail and keep you together in whatever sense your lives allow you to be.

*Hugs*

Liberal

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Fri, 10-10-2003 - 9:41am
Welcome to the club girl. Are you sure your MM isn't my MM? just kidding. Ours have significant differences and similarities.

MM & I are going back and forth too. We really want to do the right thing, but the attraction is very strong and the friendship is very strong too. I know what you mean about not being a good player at this "game". I feel the same way. I'm horrible at it. It tears me apart b/c I care about MM and DH, yet I also lust after MM like a stupid fool. Unlike you, I've never had sex w/MM. Frankly, I'm afraid that if I ever do I'd become addicted to the man. :( I NEVER want to be addicted to anybody, but I fear I could be heading in that direction if I don't just stop this thing NOW.

Back to your situation. It's a tough one sweetie. I know how you feel about not knowing whether or not you should believe him. I'm the same way. He may not have been with any other women, but I'm willing to bet he still has sex w/his W. It may not be on a regular basis, but I bet he's getting some from her. I know for a fact my MM is having sex w/his W. He tells me as much and I wouldn't have it any other way because he ain't getting it from me and DH & are definitely doing it on a daily basis.

You were wondering if what you have could be a real relationship someday. Honey, from what I read, it is a real relationship today. It looks like you're really wondering if it will ever become steady because you're still going back and forth. Maybe you two should sit down and talk about that. Make a decision to either go full force or cut all ties completely. I know that's what MM & I need to do. We just never stick to our decisions and it's so hard because we work so closely together. I just wish I could hate him, but I can't.

Laugh Smiles

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2003
Fri, 10-10-2003 - 7:33pm
Hi There! Thanks for your response. The first time MM and I had sex, I did it on an impulse. Never dreaming in a million years I'd ever do something like that. My husband and I have been married for over 20 years and till then we was the only man I'd ever had sex with. Maybe if I hadn't had sex with MM, My heart would not be where it is now. Who knows, but good for you for holding back.