very confused - please help

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2002
very confused - please help
9
Fri, 10-10-2003 - 9:56am
I haven't seen MM 4 weeks today. For my surprise, he called me first thing this morning, and said that we wanted to see me next wednesday. We have been going through a lot of planning than cancelling, and that has made me very upset, and he's aware of it, all because he's extremelly busy at work something always seem to come up on the day we were to meet, and plans get cancelled. He sounded very sweet on the phone, and said for sure no cancelling we would meet, that he would make it happen,etc...He was so relaxed not like usually when he calls all agitaded,because of work and alot of stress. What happen after is what i don't understand, 15 minutes after the first call, he calls again but this time all agitaded, saying that he's not sure anymore about Wednesday, cause he just remembered that he might have to go to the bank and negotiate his house morgage. I told him that he sounded like a different person, that i was confused...

I don't know what to say to him anymore, i told him that i'm tired of getting hurt, he said that we would call me later. I'm not sure what do with this man anymore. I'm clueless. What do you all think?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Fri, 10-10-2003 - 10:29am
DUMP HIM!!!

D U M P - H I M ! ! !

Sounds to me that he's jerking you around. That's what jerks do girl. You don't need that frustration.

Laugh Smiles

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 10-10-2003 - 10:43am
Next time he calls, YOU be unavailable. Tell him you're too busy. And mean it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-10-2003 - 10:48am
luiz - it sounds pretty simple to me. your MM is feeling guilty and horny by turns. so one minute he calls to set up the "date" and the next minute he calls back and cancels.

you should seriously consider breaking it off with him. as far as i can see, you are getting no benefit from him and the A, so.... but you have to decide, don't you?

good luck,

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2002
Fri, 10-10-2003 - 11:03am
I know for a fact that he's extremelly busy at work, he puts 12 hours a day and sometimes more, every day, every week. He's out of himself right now, stressed to the limit. So i don't know if i should give up and say, see ya, you're never available so forget it, or be there for him, be patient and understand, and wait, because it really is very hard for me to forget him, unfortanately i'm in love , we've known each other for 9 years, i've tried many time NC but can't take it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Fri, 10-10-2003 - 11:06am
Hi Luiz, I was wondering how it went with you after last week when you were waiting to hear from him. I haven't seen MM for 10 weeks now. He contacted me two weeks ago, and said we would get together last week. Then, nothing. No emails, nothing. I still have not heard from him its been two weeks today we last had contact. I don't know what's up with these guys. Because we get our hopes up, only to have them dashed. I am trying to accept the fact that I am very low priority for him obviously, and maybe I should continue with NC if he does try to email me again.

Dusty
xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 10-10-2003 - 11:32am
I know it's really hard. NC is the hardest thing in the world... been there and done that.

But, if you are a priority to him he will find time for you somewhere in that busy schedule. Gurl is right -- he may be vascillating back and forth between desire and guilt. Or he may be trying to break it off nicely, without actually telling you he wants to end it. I think that if you were suddenly busy with your own life also instead of waiting for him, and he knew that, he would have some motivation to stop treating you this way. Either that or else the relationship is just over, and if that is the case, you will be glad later that you walked away with your dignity intact, by letting him know that you have a life outside of him too and are not at his beck and call in terms of getting together.

Wish you the best.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-10-2003 - 11:46am
luiz and dusty -- i'm sorry for both of you having to go through the confusion and indecision with your Rs.

it's hard for me to understand your situations since my MM is ALWAYS in contact, by telephone (2x a day) and in person (at least 2x/week). when he doesn't call, i know he is busy and will call when he can. and he always does!

MM left this morning on vacation for a week and i didn't hear from him last evening to say goodbye, so i left him a message this morning on his cellphone. and he did call, from the airport, before boarding the plane. it was only for 5 minutes, but he knows i want to hear from him and i know he wants to talk to me, so he's sooooo good about staying in touch.

luiz -- i know you've in love with him, but from your post it sounds like he's having second and third thoughts and is withdrawing from you.

again, we're here for you no matter what happens,

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2002
Fri, 10-10-2003 - 12:18pm
Dustyrose, you and me on the same boat. I can't let go, and you can't either. NC is a pain. I feel for you, 10 weeks is a long time. I don't know if i can sustain that. You decided not call him, he's got to make the first move?

I'm glad that you're here with me, that i'm not in this kind of situation alone...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Fri, 10-10-2003 - 2:27pm
Thanks Luiz, and Gurl for your support. I am having a really bad time right now. I am contemplating separating from my husband, who is an alcoholic. Not because of MM, but because of my own sanity. I am going to look at a place tonite. Just saying that, makes me feel a little better about myself. As for MM, I know he has been ill in the last couple of months, maybe that's what's happened again. I don't know. But if I do hear from him, I will tell him if I am leaving my H. Which right now, it looks like I probably will. I don't expect him to leave his W for me or anything like that. I miss him alot though, he was an emotional support for me, he would give me his opinions and support about my problems with H. I wish he was here right now to give me some much needed advice!!

And Luiz, I hope things work out for you. It does sound like our situations are very similar, my MM bought a big company a year ago and is really busy with it, I think there are problems there too. But when I talk to him, its like no time has passed, he still says he wants to get together. So I try to remember that, and think that if/when we DO get together again, it will be great!! And SO worth the wait.

xxxx