thank you for not being judgemental

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2003
thank you for not being judgemental
3
Fri, 10-10-2003 - 7:21pm
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Edited 9/20/2004 2:30 pm ET ET by seansluv
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 10-10-2003 - 10:09pm
Well, thank you for the thank you. Being 'judgemental' has been kind of a touchy subject around here this week, so it's nice to hear that you received the replies in a positive way.

I can't claim to know your marriage situation, of course, but I definitely understand where you are regarding the online affair. I think that the things you create in your mind about the OM are SO subtle that you don't even think about them -- just assume them as the truth, until you get to know the reality.

I also think that (like you said) it is VERY difficult to compare apples and oranges - your marriage and an affair. Your H is always going to suffer in one way - in that you live with him and know the not-so-great parts intimately. You can be sure your OM has not-so-great parts, too, but the details aren't necessarily the same of course. Even the sex. I won't go into detail here, but I think it's a lot easier for people to be uninhibited sexually when they aren't in a day-to-day relationship or marriage... and it's a lot easier to focus on the pleasure of sex when the other stuff doesn't interfere.

You do seem to have your head screwed on straight and to be really thinking through all the issues. That is great :) I wish you the best.

Kari

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Sat, 10-11-2003 - 11:37am
Hi Seansluv,

I didn't respond to your original post, but I just went back and read it. I have to agree with the others. I kind of feel like I am in the same boat as you even though I know my MM very well. ( We work together and have been in EMA for almost 3 years). I am absolutely sure that I see only the best side of him. How am I so sure? 'Cause he only sees the best side of me. He never sees the cranky, moody, pms-y side of me. He loves what he calls my "fun-loving, passionate nature". From what I have gathered from others(mentioned to me in passing conversation about meeting his W), I am the complete opposite of his rather serious and quiet W. Of course I play that side of my personality up for him because I know he finds it attractive. I think that I come across a lot more "carefree and free-spirited" than I actually am. I don't do it to deceive him, I do it to attract him. I am sure that he does the same with the things I find attractive about him. It really is human nature to put your best foot forward. It is hard not to be obsessed with someone who appears to be the perfect image of what you want and don't have at home. I can pretty much guarantee that this guy probably has some annoying habits of his own and I am sure that my MM would faint if he ever saw my occasional meltdowns with my H about more serious matters like keeping house clean, cooking dinner, etc.

And the sex..of course sex is better when you aren't thinking about bills, mortgages, kids, etc. Just some thoughts. Please make sure that you meet and really get to know this man prior to leaving your H.


Good luck and hugs

RH

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2003
Sat, 10-11-2003 - 3:51pm
Seansluv,

Like Kari, I am glad to hear that you took our opinions as what they are, merely opinions. All you can do now is absorb them, and decide things on your own.

I do wish you all the best, and you are very intelligent and its good to see that you are treating this with caution.

Big Hugs.

Sweetttendencies