what can I do? I have such problems

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2003
what can I do? I have such problems
6
Sat, 10-11-2003 - 11:15am
Ok...mm flew home 2 days ago, he'll be back monday and I'm helping him move all his stuff in his new place, and I am so lonely with out him...aside from that, I went on a date last night. This guy is good looking, but about 8 years older than me. He seemed like he fell in love with me instantly. He kept telling me how beautiful I am and kept trying to kiss me.

I feel like I wasn't attracted to him though. He seems needy, I guess. Then we were sitting in his truck and he put his arm around me and started rubbing my neck and I grabbed his hand and threw it off me. I think I hurt his feelings and he said he though I was more affectionate. I didn't know what to say. I told him I need time to get comforable with someone. Which is so NOT true.

I am just used to dating tough guys, selfish guys, conceited guys, and jerks, and now MM that I know I can't have. Why do I persue only relationships with guys who I know there is no future with? Now this new one is sweet and would spoil me, and take care of me, but I'm kind of turned off. I don't know what to do. I did think about MM most of the night...which didn't help I'm sure.

Should I see this guy again? The strangest part is he lives 50 miles away...in the SAME TOWN that my MM is moving to. I am so confused. I do want to be with someone, but I am just so used to being treated like dirt and neglected in my R's....is this a problem that needs help?


Edited 10/11/2003 11:15:54 AM ET by fashiongrrls

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2003
Sat, 10-11-2003 - 4:00pm
WOW, today all the posts are like flash backs for me especially this one.

I have to be honest, when you were mentioning how he was with you on a first date, well the first thing I thought of was "needy". I try to steer away from that. Sure its great but guys like that seem odd to me.

I always chose men that were independent to a fault, didn't appreciate me, and who wasn't willing to work at a relationship, just wanted to have one and once trouble arrived "bye". Then I dated a guy to the other extreme. He brought me flowers, OK cool that was sweet and what a "normal" man should do I suppose. Then all night he told me how beautiful I was, again OK but laying it on a tad thick. Then he took me to the movies, what did we see? Beauty and the Beast, and he cried. Well that ended it right there for me. Sure men have emotions too, but I was extremely uncomfortable afterwards especially when he kept comparing me to being beauty and he the best. Just weird.

Anyways, if you don't feel comfortable with him, don't go there. Trust your instincts. But like I did, you have to learn that you deserve the best treatment. I know I didn't give much insight or help I guess but I have been there and its perfectly normal a lot of women like the bad boys. Eventually I got sick of the crap.

I actually dumped my H when we were 17 because to me he was boring. He liked school, didn't party and worshiped me and back then I thought he was boring or insane. Then one day when we reunited I thought, god I was an idiot.

Sweettendencies

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2003
Sat, 10-11-2003 - 4:47pm
Well, already today, at 5 am, he IMed me and told me he had a great time, did I, and how beautiful I am....again. Then called me about 3 times, to ask if I had fun, and then when he got online, asked to view my webcam, and then kept saying, aww cutie, smile so I can see how beautiful you are, and you looked so good last night, I love looking at you.

Then I was like, not smiling and just sitting here, and he got all worried asking what was wrong, and was I mad, and did I have fun last night....and can he see me tomorrow, can he? What time? Afternoon good? can he? please?

OMG OMG OMG....if he asks me one more time if I had fun, I'll puke, and if he tells me I'm beautiful, I'm gonna get fat so he'll go away....j/k

What can I tell him?? One other thing that I think is turning me off is that he wears obsession for men, and when I smell it it gives me the heeby-geebies, like something bad associated with that scent happened to me. Is that weird.

How do I tell him I'm not interested? Or should I just ask him to cool it, and try to see if I like him. It's nothing like the connection with my MM, we just hit it off instantly. Does there have to be an instant spark, or can one just be made over time? I hate dating.

I know he'd treat me good, but I can't do mushy gooshy ALL THE TIME!!! I'm just not used to it and it wigs me out.

Any advice??

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2003
Sat, 10-11-2003 - 5:05pm
WOW, thats pretty needy if you ask me, but thats just me.

I don't believe right off the bat there always has to be a SPARK so to speak, but to already feeling uncomfortable well thats not good. To be sitting there on the computer just blah is not a good sign either. Sorry but when you were explaining that I had to chuckle, just to see you sitting there thinking "whatever". :)

I would trust your instincts on this one, if you are uncomfortable now well it will probably only get worse.

With all that has been going on with MM, well you need time to figure things out really, its hard but I know, easier said than done.

Sweettendencies

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2003
Sat, 10-11-2003 - 6:22pm
I just don't know how to let this knuckle head down with out totally smashing his ego...I don't like hurting people.

And as for MM...gawd I miss him, I just wish I could talk to him...it's so hard, but I'm counting the minutes until monday, he's picking me up in the AM...omg I can't wait.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2003
Sat, 10-11-2003 - 8:19pm
OMG!!! Your story almost sounds identical to mine....I have been seeing MM for 10 months. I met an older man about 3 months ago. Dated him a few times, but just couldn't get the attraction. He is very sweet, and would love to take care of me also. In fact, he told me he loved me, and I felt bad that I couldn't tell him. Anyways...I think that I have decided to back way off from the older man...don't want his feeling to get hurt anymore while I decide what is going on in my life. I will be getting the D on the 23rd, so I'm not ready to jump right into anything else...besides, he doesn't even measure up to my MM no matter how sweet he is or how much money he has!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Sat, 10-11-2003 - 8:27pm
hi myballcoach with you on this one far l can see no man every be good enough for me .to me my mm is best he kind loving very good man also very sexy man to me.l can listen british accent all the time.he was born in england . l want man to love me but not straightway like that way to soon for me.fashiongrrls if not good about new man then stop seeing him but do what makes feel good ok sweetie. hugs kimmy
kimmy