I want to know how MM really feels....
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I want to know how MM really feels....
| Mon, 10-13-2003 - 10:46am |
I want to know what his intentions are about me. But I'm afraid if I ask it will ruin everything. What should I say? He is really a sweet, understanding guy. He's never said the "L" word though. I guess I'm just ready to hear it. I feel like if he's not in this for the same reason I am I don't want to get hurt. We are going away for the weekend should I ask him then? We've only been together for 3 months. I know it's to early to think about the future but we've known eachother for years as friends. Should I just not say anything? He really is very open and understanding. He'll talk to me about anything. thanks

I wouldn't say anything at all and I would try to put it out of my mind.
Be careful what you say until he's ready. That's my advice. If he says it first though ... go for it!
I was in EMA with my MM for 2 years before he said it. Like you, I loved him and was longing to hear him say that he loved me. I wanted him to say it first and finally he did. He admitted to falling in love with me about 6 months into our EMA. When I asked him what the heck took him so long to actually verbalize it, he said that he didn't want to lead me on or hurt me. What he really meant was this.."This changes nothing with regard to my M" . I can accept that.
There have been things written on here (compliments of Dr Phil) about MM only saying that they loved the OW to continue to have sex and to keep OW with them. I truly believe MM when he tells me that he loves me. He didn't need to say it in order to get me to continue having sex with him. Although I wanted him to say it, I never even hinted that I needed to hear those words to be with him. I would have stayed forever without them. I guess what I am trying to say is if you wait for him to say it first and not lead him into it, you will always know that it was from his heart and that he was not just saying what you want to hear.
Hope this helps
Hugs
RH
You say you can talk to him about anything, but you're afraid that asking him about his intentions with your ema will ruin everything... ? Does that make sense to you? If you want to know where he stands, today, now, in your ema, you should be able to ask him without it "ruining" everything. Just be prepared that his answer may not be the one you are looking for.
If you want to ask him but only want the answer to be one way, then I wouldn't bother. Because then you're not looking for what he really thinks and wants, you're looking for reassurance for yourself and that's another matter.
Do you really need to hear him say he loves you, or are you just looking for reassurance that he cares about you and it isn't all about sex? Are you prepared for the answer, regardless of what it is? Will his answer change your R? And keep in mind, just because he isn't ready to say he loves you now, doesn't mean he won't be in six months. But if you ask him now how he feels, that will be the answer you get... how he feels now... and not a possibility for the future.
Before you do anything, I would think through a little more the information you are actually trying to get from him, then ask him that specific question. Asking a question only "ruins" a R if the R wasn't really there to begin with... because then it just becomes an easy excuse to dissolve it. And frankly, if that *were* the case, you'd be better off anyway because it's obviously then not the type of R you wanted.
Good luck,
lily
Hmmm, do you really feel that if he doesn't say he loves you, the potential for hurt is not there?
If you love him, you can tell him, or not - you don't need him to love you back or to necessarily divulge that to him to enjoy your love for him. If you want to know if he loves you - then you can ask him as you may not find out otherwise; BUT, do be prepared that it may not be what you wish to hear.
Life is too damn short - share the love (that sounds a bit hippy-ish doesn't it, lol) for however long it lasts.
Peace (and I mean that - have peace of mind)
Meow