What do u ladies think?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2003
What do u ladies think?
4
Tue, 10-14-2003 - 2:20am
Ok, here's the dilemma, me and my mm have been seeing each other for almost 9mths, i have told my mm that i have fallen in love with him and he was completely honest and said he didnt love me, but that doesnt mean that i will never love you, it's just a complicated situation, anyways, months have passed since then and we were talking on the phone and i made the remark that "i was tired of sharing" referring to his w and out of the blue mm said "i am tired of sharing too" and before i thought about it i asked him " who was he sharing with" and i said "oh, you are talking about the husband and he said yea of course", so here's my question if he doesnt love me than why should he be envy that husband gets to see me and spend time with me? My mm thinks that me and my husband dont have sex which is a lie, we do but not because i truly want to, it's more of keeping him happy so he doesnt start getting suspicious b/c he knows about my ema. MM has told me that him and his wife hasnt had sex in a long time and i asked him why and he said " why do i want to sleep with her when i dont even like her, ok i am not gullible, im sure they are sleeping together there's no question in my mind about that b/c me and mm dont see each other except evry two weeks b/c we both have kids and their our responsibility during the day so i know he is being intimate with her unless he is the type of man who can go without sex and there's not many of them around lol. My mm is the typical guy as in trying to get him to open up about his feelings, i am having a really hard time dealing with that b/c i am a open person when it comes to my feelings, i lay everything down on the table. So ladies what do u think, maybe mm does really love me but he doesnt realize it or then again he knows he does but he is waiting for that special moment. How did yall get your MM's to open up about their feelings, i just hope i am not the only one who gets confused by MM on this board. well i need all the advice i can get, so go ahead and fill me in. lots of love
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 10-14-2003 - 10:06am
I have a man who is about as closed with his emotions as you can get. The only time he shares his feeling AT ALL is when he's got some "truth syrum"(liquor) in him, which isn't often. He has told me he was "in love" with me one time stone sober but how he said it was in a round about way...he went in NC mode for 2 weeks and literally fell off the face of the earth. When he finally came around he wanted to talk and he explained "I love my G/F very much but Im just not in love with her, instead i have all those in love feelings for this girl who's gotta husband and a life of her own..." he couldnt just say "Im in love with you" or "I love you" to me. A couple of weeks ago he left me a voice mail...he sang "I just called to say I love you, I just called to say how much I care..." of course he was at hunting camp and had a few beers in him....but because I've noticed this trend I asked him last week why he can only tell me he loves me when he's drinking. He explained that its awkward with all the other factors in our relationship and when he has a few in him he can cut loose and open up a little more.

Perhaps you can get some "truth syrum" in your man because I think that is when you find out how he really feels...

I must give your man a pat on the back for being honest with you and answering your question when you asked him. You should never ask a question you can't handle the answer to. It's really hard to say what he feels and for obvious reasons he may be in protection mode.

I dont really have any good advice for you - just know you're not alone in being with a man who's emotionally under lock and key.

Liberal

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2003
Tue, 10-14-2003 - 10:51am
Hi peach

I posted a week or so ago on here about feeling confused and needing some questions answered from my MM too. I wasn't looking to hear that he loved me, but I believe good advice was given to me that would apply to you as well. Basically, people told me to talk to him -- don't ask leading questions -- just ask how he felt about our relationship. I did -- and let me tell you how relieved I am that I did. He has since opened up. I think the fact that I didn't put him on the spot, and didn't ask him to point blank tell me how he felt helped him to relax and be more open with me.

I personally would never ask a man if he loved me. I would want him to WANT to say it without any prodding -- that's when you know it's for real. JMHO

Good luck

Charlotte


Edited 10/14/2003 2:01:15 PM ET by charlotte1203

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2003
Tue, 10-14-2003 - 1:07pm
in my own situation..i am married...om single.

we have been on and off for five years. a lot of it because he was capable of telling me he loved me and nothing more. this frustrated me. i would drill him and send him long emailings practically begging him to open up. well i didn't realize while i'm doing this i was just pushing him away. he was afraid of getting hurt. finally i backed off. gave him some space. still no results. then i eneded it. we started speaking again...and now he is opening up more than ever. i discovered that his feelings were there, he just didn't know how to communicate them with me. and my pushing him was making it even worse.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2003
Tue, 10-14-2003 - 2:02pm
Yes...just remember peach -- don't push. You will only push him away. Enjoy what you have for what it is. Don't try to make sense of it. Just enjoy him!!!

Charlotte