Please tell me this is normal!!!!!!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2003
Please tell me this is normal!!!!!!!!!!!
4
Wed, 10-15-2003 - 9:27pm
advice,,,please!!!!!!!!!! Why am i so needy, to his words??????????????? All it takes to make me happy and feel good is for him to say something nice before he heads for HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Like, miss u, i;ll be thinkin of ya, sweet dreams, oh my god, i sound so pathetic!!!!!!! I read so deep into everything...*not just my ema* but after all these years with my mm, why do i so need to hear the things that I truly really already know....Please someone help my not be so, I don;t even know what the heck to call it. I don;t want off the rollercoaster ride, but I want to learn how to stay on a level track. I don;t think this type of relationship gives any of us much self esteem, but I know when I don;t come across as needy then he comes runnin. Then its him saying you miss me? It;s nice to hear his insecurities once in awhile. ANY ADVICE GIRLS????THANKS LOVE OLIVIA
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2003
Wed, 10-15-2003 - 9:45pm
i am new to this message board but i thought i would offer my advice anyway. i dont know your history, but it think some communication could be a good thing for you. tell him what you need to hear and maybe he will be more willing to say it. Just tell him that it makes you feel better to hear it. I dont know but maybe that will help

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
Thu, 10-16-2003 - 8:02am
oh,sweetheart...of course it's normal.i feel the same thing.anything from him can color my day almost to the point of madness.the latest nice word from my guy has reversed the effects of a nervous breakdown.& if i think too hard i just find all the missing said or unsaid things & start to doubt & panic again.i know how it feels.take a deep breath.....
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 10-16-2003 - 8:17am
First of all, you have to tell him what you want/need from him. Until you do that you can't expect him to even know let alone to hook you up with all of those nice compliments that he thinks but just doesnt say...

Secondly, don't make your happiness and emotional wellbeing dependent on the actions of another. You are responsible for your own happiness. You should know all of those things you want him to say to you - understandably they are nice to hear. But also remember that overused phrases like that quickly get taken for granted and before ya know it he's saying those sweet words out of habit...you dont want that, do ya?

Communicate with your man but realize this is not his problem to solve although if he was made aware of how you feel perhaps he could help you out some.

Liberal

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2003
Thu, 10-16-2003 - 10:54am
Hey Olivia....your message was so close to home for me. I could have written it myself. I agree, when i don't come across as needy, then he comes runnin with his insecurities...

For me, i don't ask to hear those things and i don't ask him to say it to me, The reason is becuz i would rather he say them cuz he wanted to or cuz that is how he feels, not cuz i told him that is what i want. That would hurt more if he were just saying them cuz he knew i needed to hear them...not cuz he wanted to say it to me. Its true that to much of a good thing can become a habit...my mm and i have said miss you so much, its kinda repetitive..

I haven't figured out how to handle it all. I am still working on that one. But you know....with the dynamics of this type of relationship....its very difficult to be completely satisfied. I have a lot of like love emails from mm....he has said some of the nicest things anyone has every said to me. And a couple days after he has sent them...i am still needing to hear more. Its kinda like i can never get fully satisfied cuz our time is so limited. I don't think i could ever get fully satisfied until we went home together and woke up together...but that will never happen.

Hope that helps.