UGHHHH....Help!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
UGHHHH....Help!!
3
Thu, 10-16-2003 - 1:36am
Hi...

I haven't posted here in a long time, but have really been thrown for a loop tonight...and could use some advice/opinions. I'm single and have been with my MM for 2 1/2 years. We have a very stable, committed relationship - both love each other very much. However, he has three children, ages 12, 10, and 8, and has always been very upfront that he doesn't intend to leave his wife - even though their marriage hasn't been good for years.

So tonight, after talking on the phone for about 2 hours, he tells me as we're about to say goodbye that his oldest child has asked him twice recently if he's having an affair! This has really sent me reeling, because one of my main justifications for being able to be in this affair is that no one knows or is getting hurt. And now it appears that his son at least suspects, for some reason. MM wasn't sure if his son overheard us talking on the phone (occasionally MM will call me from his house when his W is gone, but the kids are there), or if he suspects just because MM is away from home a lot (at the office talking to me).

I am so shaken by this I can't even get to sleep. I've just been lying in bed with all of this whirling around in my head. Am I awful to be in this affair when it's obviously affecting his family? Am I awful to have done this in the first place, and am I awful because I want to continue it?

Any thoughts/opinions/advice welcome. Thanks!

Grace

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Thu, 10-16-2003 - 1:48am

Hi Grace,


I'm not sure that I can say much that will help put your mind at ease on this one.

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 10-16-2003 - 8:10am
YAH! Grace is back!

You sounded just like you were speaking from my brain when you said you've always justified this A by the fact that what people dont know dont hurt them. HOWEVER, I haven't felt any heat so far in this A. No one has even come close to suspecting anything that I'm aware of.

As Sweet suggested, perhaps some damage control is in order. His child must have picked that up somewhere and from what you said, my best guess would be that he overheard a telephone conversation. As far as a 12 year old knowing what an affair is? Any child who watches TV knows WAY more than they should know at their age, so I don't doubt that's where he got it...

Hang in there - talk to you MM and figure out a plan should this whole thing blow up. No one anticipates getting caught but it's always a possibility and you two should always be prepared for that to happen. Discuss this, if not for this time, then for next time.

I must say...the hardest thing about this A thing is that it does take two and no matter how careful YOU are, you can never be sure just how careful your OM/MM is - how well does he cover the tracks on his end?...one slip up can be devistating to both families so always be prepared for that

And as I always say, bottom line...deny deny deny! LOL

Liberal

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2003
Thu, 10-16-2003 - 10:32am
Grace - Can I ask you a question totally unrelated to your controversy?

How have you, being single, been able to pull off this A for 2 1/2 years? Do you have a boyfriend besides MM?? Or have you been in another relationship? Has he promised to leave his W for you? I want to know how some of these relationships work out/end up...I am single dating a MM. We are trying to end it for he is getting busier w/ work/family/etc, as I just started a second job, and its beginning to hurt us noth now. Its only been 5 months. I do not want to end it, and can't help thinking there's got to be a way to keep it going.