Please help me new!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Please help me new!!!!
4
Thu, 10-16-2003 - 9:43am
I am new and would like help and advice on how to deal with this problem, 4 years ago i left my 16 year marriage for a sm who i thought i was in love with and thought he loved me, i had 2nd thoughts during this realtionship and decided to go back with my husband for security and the kids, now 4 years later i have finally heard from and saw my sm again atleast 4 times, i realize that i love this man and would love to be with him forever but he wont tell me how he feels for me because he dont want to come between me and my husband again, i dont have anything to go on and i dont know if this sm still loves me or what he feels for me, sometimes i wish he would just say please leave your marriage and i will be there for you forever but he wont say this because he thinks he is coming between me and my husband again, is there anything i can do or say to this sm? I am going crazy because i cant be with him and i am stuck in this loveless marriage that i dont want to be in? Does anyone think the same way as i do that if this sm loved me that he would put it all on the line and tell me he loves me and wants me forever?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
Thu, 10-16-2003 - 10:03am
in my experience w/ my om,who can & does separate himself from me emotionally,you must forget the rules of courtship as this is not a getting to know you dating situation & ask for the answer.put your cards on the table...(what can you lose?) & keep at it untill you get the answer you need.in situations like these you must ask for what you need. he may be afraid of being hurt again but is turning it around in his mind.communicate.make him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 10-16-2003 - 10:10am
I solemly believe in leaving a marriage for no one but yourself. If you are truly ready to leave your marriage you would leave it with or without knowing your OMs feelings or intentions.

Also, why do you expect him to put himself out there like you are asking again when last time you changed your mind and went back home...

Think about these things and try to be sure that you make your decision to stay in your marriage or not your own decision without reflecting on what is or isnt' gonna be there waiting for you.

*Hugs*

Liberal

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Sat, 10-18-2003 - 8:48am
I understand what you are saying liberal do it for myself but i guess you could say that i have been living in this marriage which is also (verbal abusive) and i have very little self esteem left and its hard to do things for myself when i have been put down forever, i dont know what to do from here and would really like my sm to tell me how he feels. why cant he give me something to go on ??
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Sat, 10-18-2003 - 8:03pm

(((((hugs)))))


I've been in your position, and I do remember how heart-wrenching it is to leave thinking that you'll might be with someone, but he won't just come out and say he's interested.


I've read the other replies here, and your response to them.


I feel for you. It's not easy.


And you need to pull yourself together and get the hell out of your marriage. You said yourself you've got low self-esteem and you're not used to doing things on your own...